Last Updated on September 14, 2022 by Alexander Burgemeester
Let me start by saying it’s perfectly okay to be gay. The problem is that society hasn’t fully accepted it yet, so there’s still shame and stigma attached to homosexuality.
If you suspect a friend, family member, or even your boyfriend is gay but pretending to be straight, you may notice that he’s abusive towards women, homophobic, and watches gay porn.
Some men are so worried about being judged by family and friends that they’ll pretend to be straight and even marry a woman to cover it up.
If it’s a friend or family member you’re suspicious of, you’ve got nothing to be concerned about.
But you need to know the truth if the guy is your boyfriend or someone you’re thinking about dating. Here are sixteen signs a guy is pretending to be straight.
16 Signs A Gay Or Bisexual Guy Is Pretending To Be Straight
If a bisexual or gay guy is pretending to be straight, he is typically abusive towards women, homophobic, or watches gay porn. For sixteen signs a guy is pretending to be straight, keep reading.
#1 He Is Abusive Towards Women
Gay or bisexual men in heterosexual relationships feel trapped. They are not trying to hurt anyone, but the fear of judgment is too much to bear, and they end up living a false reality.
It’s not uncommon for them to become emotionally abusive to their partner because they’re trying so hard to conceal who they are that they overcompensate. The woman suspects something isn’t quite right and starts asking questions.
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The men are never honest about the true nature of their sexuality and make out like the woman is the problem. He will accuse her of being delusional and imagining things.
If that doesn’t work, he will start attacking her self-esteem and saying things like, “If I was gay, it’s because you’ve turned me off women altogether! You’ve put on weight and don’t take care of yourself. You’d drive any man into the arms of another man.”
#2 He Is Homophobic
Research suggests that the most homophobic men are gay themselves but ashamed and do everything they can to hide it.
Their fear is disguised as homophobia because the thing they hate about themselves is recognized in openly gay people.
There is also resentment present because openly gay men have nothing to hide, whereas gay men pretending to be straight live a double life.
For men living this way, it can be very stressful and hurt their mental health.
#3 He Watches Gay Porn
If you ever catch him watching gay porn, he’ll try and worm his way out of it by saying he clicked on the wrong link, a friend borrowed his phone, or it just popped up when he opened his browser.
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He’ll say anything to try and get himself out of it. Everyone has their fetishes, and it’s actually pretty normal for straight guys to watch gay sex.
One study found that twenty-one percent of the 821 men surveyed watched gay porn. Nevertheless, gay men pretending to be straight are so afraid of blowing their cover that they don’t want to be associated with anything even remotely queer.
#4 He Has A Profile On A Gay Dating Site
Why would a straight man have a profile on a gay dating site if he wasn’t attracted to men? There is no justification for this other than he’s seeking out gay sex.
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The internet has made it a lot easier for gay men to hook up. They don’t need to go to gay bars or clubs looking for men because they can find one right in the comfort of their own homes.
The problem isn’t that he’s got a profile on a gay website, but that he is pretending to be straight and fooling the woman he’s currently dating.
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#5 He Always Notices Good Looking Men
Does he notice good-looking men all the time? You rarely hear him complimenting another woman unless it’s about her hair or her outfit.
But when it comes to men, he won’t stop talking about how handsome the guy is. Also, he won’t talk about a man’s good looks in isolation.
He’ll comment, “I bet he’s got all the women chasing after him.” Or, “With a jawline like that, he’ll make a pretty penny modeling for Calvin Klein.”
In this way, he’s making out that he didn’t notice the guy was good-looking because he fancied him.
#6 He’s Never In A Relationship With A Woman
Some gay men will pretend to be straight, but they can’t bring themselves to date a woman because there’s no attraction.
Or, they don’t want to deceive anyone, so they’d rather stay single until they’re ready to reveal their sexuality. It’s not that this dude can’t get chicks because he’s very attractive.
Women shamelessly throw themselves at him whenever you’re out together, but he doesn’t reciprocate. He never dances with them or flirts. He says “no” and keeps it moving.
#7 He Acts Weird Around Men
He’s never himself around men because he doesn’t know how to act. Being himself is too risky because he might say something inappropriate and let the cat out of the bag. So you may find that he’s quiet around other men, tries not to make eye contact, and just acts weird in general.
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#8 He Is Always Talking About His Sexual Conquests
It’s normal for men to brag about their sexual conquests when they’re around other men.
It’s a form of bravado, and the more women a man sleeps with, his peers see him as some kind of stud. However, it’s not normal for a man to brag about his sexual encounters with his female friends.
If your guy friend needs to tell you about every woman he sleeps with, he’s got something to hide. He so desperately wants you to believe he’s straight that he even lies about the women he’s slept with.
#9 He Is Overly Macho
Your guy friend is overly macho for two reasons. Despite the fact that he’s pretending to be straight, in the gay community, feminine-acting men don’t get the same attention as their masculine-acting counterparts.
On dating apps, men will describe themselves as “masc” or “straight-acting.” They list information such as how many times a week they go to the gym to drive home their masculinity. Basically, there’s an obsession with masculinity in gay culture.
Additionally, masculine men are not perceived as gay in the ‘real world.’ The typical stereotype of a gay man is someone effeminate who makes grand hand gestures, speaks in a high-pitched voice, and wears eyeliner.
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When a masculine man comes out as gay, everyone is shocked and will say things like, “He doesn’t come across as gay,” or “he doesn’t look gay.” So, if a gay man is pretending to be straight, the easiest way to do so is to act overly macho.
Does he overdo it at the gym, perceive violence as masculine, or is he a thrill seeker always seeking out dangerous experiences?
#10 He Has No Male Friends
Gay men and women make the best of friends for several reasons. They often have close relationships because women feel more comfortable around gay men. They don’t need to worry about him striking up a friendship because he’s got ulterior motives.
They understand each other more deeply because there is no fear of honesty and vulnerability. Women can laugh, cry and be as emotional as she wants with a gay man without her behavior being misinterpreted as an attraction.
Women prefer gay men as friends because there’s no competition when it comes to men. Women like straight guys and gay men like other gay men. Also, gay men prefer to hang around females because they can submit to their feminine side without judgment.
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#11 His Sexual Fantasies
Dirty talk in the bedroom is normal, but has your man convinced you that hearing you talk about him having sexual encounters with other men is just a fantasy?
You might believe him if he had a range of unconventional fantasies, but it appears the only thing that turns him on is gay sex.
#12 He’s Into Butt Play
Since you’ve been in a relationship for a while and he’s comfortable with you, he’s let you know that he’s into being penetrated.
You know that not all men who enjoy butt play are gay, but he seems to prefer you penetrating him instead of him penetrating you.
#13 Some Of His Friends Are Secretly Gay
Well, you know what they say, “birds of a feather flock together.” Does he have a few friends who are secretly gay?
One of the reasons he talks openly about it is he wants to see your reaction. Are you disgusted or intrigued by gay men pretending to be straight?
#14 Suspicious Conversations
So you know you’re man has gay friends because he’s told you about it. You really don’t care whether his friends are gay or straight.
However, when you meet up together, there are a lot of secret conversations taking place.
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They keep whispering about stuff, speaking in code, and making lingering eye contact. In fact, since you started suspecting he was gay, you’ve noticed he acts quite feminine when he’s in the company of his gay friends.
He slaps them with the flicked wrist, covers his mouth when he laughs, and crosses his legs. Since they all know they’re gay, they feel comfortable acting that way. The only problem is he forgets you’re in the room watching his every move.
#15 He Spends A Lot Of Time With One Friend
Men are more likely to get away with having an affair with another man than women.
His girlfriend isn’t going to suspect a thing when he says he’s crashing around Richards for the night because he’s too tired to drive home.
But little does she know her boyfriend and Richard are butt buddies, and every time he spends the night, they have sex.
So, if your boyfriend has slept over at a particular male friend’s house all the time, he might be having an affair with him.
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#16 You Can Feel It In Your Gut
Female intuition never disappoints, when you feel something isn’t right, don’t ignore it. Your intuition acts as a warning. You’re not being paranoid.
Your soul is trying to communicate with your mind and tell you to find the evidence you need and leave. I had a friend who suspected her husband was gay.
To cut a long story short, she sensed something wasn’t right, and her intuition led her to their office. She sat at the desk, ran her hand under the ridge, and found a memory card.
This was years ago before we had Smartphones. She got the pictures printed, and low and behold, he had a boyfriend. They divorced, and that was the end of it.
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So the moral of the story is when your intuition speaks, listen. In most cases, he’s not going to admit he’s gay, so you may need to do some digging before confronting him.
A straight man pretending to be gay is a sensitive subject, so if you are going to discuss it with him, try not to come across as judgemental.
If he’s your boyfriend or someone you’re planning on dating, you have the right to know what’s happening. However, if he denies it, but you do suspect he’s gay, it’s best you end the relationship or don’t get into one.
Many women who married gay men who come out of the closet years into the union always say they had a feeling, but they ignored it. Ignoring the warning signs will cause you a lot of unnecessary heartbreak later on.