The scary thing about narcissists equates to all the little things they do.

They can be some of the most attractive, initially gravitating people ever to walk the earth, and I know that scary wouldn’t be how you’d describe that.

But in fact, under that layer of pretence, they do some pretty scary things – to you and everybody else.

So let’s get right into what they are, and how you can spot those 16 things.

Don’t walk – run.

Things Can Get Dark Quickly

You’d best be prepared for when things can take a dark turn in your life with a narcissist.

The scary starts here. 

#1 The Laugh

Maniacal! We all agree. It’s attention seeking, almost hyperactive, and one to stop everybody in their tracks.

But make no mistake – it is coated in narcissism.

Look at me! Ha ha ha ha!

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#2 Mirroring

Copying every little thing you do just so you feel a connection with them is a scary way to manipulate you.

It also grows the attachment between you fast, so you feel less likely to want to leave them.

Mirroring is exactly how narcissists let you think that you’re so alike.

You’re not. 

#3 How They Take People Down

If it serves the narcissist to take somebody down, talk dirty or run their reputation into the ground, that’s exactly what they will do.

The scary part is, it could be a family, friend or even you. 

Narcissists are loyal only to themselves. 

#4 They Sleep So Well

Meanwhile you – the sufferer – tosses and turns all night worrying, wondering and anticipating. 

Don’t expect any narcissists to have a conscience at all, let alone one big enough to keep them up each night. 

#5 They Fake Being Ill

The world must stop! The narcissist is unwell!

They could be faking the whole thing, but as long as you obey them and give them that attention, they’re happy. 

What healthy person fakes being unwell?!

#6 They Don’t Care if You’re Ill

You’re just putting it on or wasting everybody’s time. 

No sympathy, no help, and no support or understanding either.

#7 Stalking

Many victims of abuse find themselves being stalked at one point or another, and it can be scary.

Walking home alone and finding somebody following you.

Showing up everywhere you are.

Those familiar headlights following you home from work in the dark. 

It’s frightening, but narcissists will overstep their boundaries whenever they can.

And this is one of those times. 

#8 Harassing

Harassment can come in many forms. 

Calling you incessantly.

Texting.

Coming over to your place.

Meeting you from work.

Sending you mail.

Demanding your time on a regular basis.

Leaving you feeling like you just cannot breathe. 

There are laws against harassment, and steps you can take to ensure your safety. That’s how wrong it is. 

Why do narcissists think they can get away with it?

Because they feel they’re owed the world, and more. 

#9 Not Hearing ‘No’

The word no is a sentence. We all know that. 

If you’re not happy, comfortable, or okay with something, you have a right to say no. And even if you say yes, you have a right to change your mind. 

Narcissists hate the word no because it is a direct threat to them. They want to get and have what they want, and they don’t want you getting in their way. 

And if they’re not hearing you say no, then it can get pretty scary pretty quickly. 

#10 Play People Against Each Other

In what kind of world do you think it’s okay to purposely cause two people you care about or know to fall out?

Do you think causing an argument, and  throwing comments or snippets of news that you know will trigger somebody is acceptable?

You absolutely don’t. And that’s why you’re here. That’s why you understand the need to heal from the people who do think it’s okay. 

When a narcissist plays people against each other, they’re telling you how scary they can get, and how an act so unhealthy and unnatural can bring them so much pleasure.

#11 They Don’t Love

Isn’t it almost non-human to look at a person so incapable of love?

What on earth is so difficult to do something we were all inherently put on earth to do?

From pets to people, relatives to friends – we all love. 

#12 Intimidate

Intimidation can be emotional, financial, physical or psychological – but it is what it is – intimidation.

If you come out the other side of something the narcissist says or does feeling scared, pressured or worried, the narcissist has won. 

Too many people stay in relationships where intimidation is a daily occurrence, but you need to rely on the fact that it’s not normal, and it is a strong and unsubtle form of abuse. 

#13 Rage

You never know when it’s going to come, or how long it will last.

You’re familiar with the narcissist’s rage, but the unpredictability of it scares you. Why should you have to tolerate it?

And yes – it’s intense, right?

It can be specifically aimed at you for all the right reasons (according to them). 

But you have to walk on those eggshells every single day, don’t you? You twist and turn your way out of potential conflict just to stay away from it, and I don’t blame you.

But you shouldn’t have to be twisting your way out of anything. 

#14 The Empty Stare

The empty stare is the worst.

What do you even do with it?

It’s designed to confuse you that way, that’s why it’s empty.

You’re left thinking:

What are they thinking?

What did I do wrong?

What’s happening?

What changed?

What mood are they in?

How will they punish me?

You’ll question yourself time and time again, and they know it.

That’s why they do it, and that’s why it can be so scary. 

#15 Watching You Fall

Narcissists love it when people fail. It doesn’t seem right, does it? The ones you love are supposed to be the ones you’d walk over hot coal for.

If they hurt, you hurt. You support and ensure you do what you can to be there…

…Not narcissists.

They are built a different way entirely, and will crush you at every opportunity they get. 

The suffering you go through to them is like watching their favorite movie. You are their favorite movie if you are unhappy.

It makes them feel better. Having such unhappy, pathetic lives, they need to view somebody as unhappy and pathetic as they are to feel good about themselves. 

#16 Threats

Any kind of threat is below the belt, and unacceptable in relationships. The one place and person you’re supposed to feel safe with should not be making threats. 

Your trust will be harmed, communication will break down, and this kind of conflict will never be resolved as the narcissist fails to see what they even said or did that was so wrong. 

Walk away from this manipulative behavior before it completely destroys you and your character.

Do Narcissists Fall In Love? Do They Know What Love Is?

Can a Narcissist fall in Love? Narcissists struggle to have romantic relationships for several reasons; one of them is because they do not know how to resolve conflicts.

It is normal for couples to have disagreements, but clinical worker Sharon Thomas states that narcissists believe they can do no wrong.

They are perfect, and if there are problems, the other person is to blame.

Unfortunately, narcissists cannot love their partner in the traditional sense; but as you will read, they do love their partners in their own way.

If you have been in a relationship with a narcissist for some time, you will know that at the beginning, they showered you with undivided attention, gifts, and compliments.

But as time went on, things drastically changed; they withdrew, and in some cases, narcissists can become abusive. 

Studies suggest that narcissists only engage in transactional relationships, which means unless they have something to gain, they won’t stay.

Whether it’s self-esteem, enthusiasm, or money, a narcissist will ensure they take everything they can and then move on to another relationship.

So whether you are falling in love with a narcissist, you are considering getting into a relationship with one, or you are concerned about the wellbeing of a friend or family member, you are interested in knowing the answer to the following question –

Can a Narcissist fall in love, and will a narcissist ever find true love? 

Will a Narcissist Ever Find True Love?

Can a narcissist feel love? Yes, they can, but because they don’t like feeling vulnerable, they self-sabotage to protect themselves.

The problem with narcissists is not that they don’t feel love. They don’t know how to show unconditional love.

When a narcissist decides to separate from their partner, they do so to recover from their wounds, and after a while, they return. 

A narcissist typically shows feelings of love at the beginning of a relationship when they are not so vulnerable.

This generally occurs during the love bomb stage (which I will discuss shortly).  During this phase, their partner usually idealizes them because they appear loving.

But once the cracks in the relationship start to show, the narcissist begins to feel inadequate and empty in the relationship.

These feelings become a boundary to developing a loving and intimate connection with their partner. 

How do Narcissistic Relationships differ from Normal Relationships?

Neuroscientist Rhonda Freeman studies narcissists and has come up with several conclusions regarding how a narcissist experiences love.

Narcissists are always chasing stimulation because their brains are hypersensitive to rewards.

The object of their desire activates their reward system and feel-good hormones such as dopamine, oxytocin, and norepinephrine are released in abundance. However, love is more than a feeling. 

When the average person stops to consider what love looks like, they will mention things like sensitivity, compassion, commitment, honesty, mutual support and authenticity.

Amongst others, these things are experienced when a bond has been established.

Freeman goes on to explain that once those initial feelings of infatuation wear off, the person in the relationship with the narcissist is now invested in the union and has formed an attachment. 

In a normal relationship, a deeper connection is formed between two people as it becomes apparent that their feelings are more than surface level.

However, the narcissist fails to attach at this stage and now starts blaming their partner for their boredom. 

In fear of their significant other discovering that they are not perfect, the narcissist will avoid emotional conversations.

They go to great lengths to protect their boasting, and it hurts them deeply when others don’t treat them as someone of significance.

Narcissists do not like to acknowledge their feelings; therefore, they protect themselves by finding ways to humiliate their partners. 

Can a Narcissist Fall in Love?

It appears that the narcissist is incapable of love because they cover their vulnerabilities by withholding emotional intimacy.

They attack or withdraw to deflect pain; narcissists don’t like to hear their partner being compassionate towards them because it makes them feel as if they are being judged.

Despite the mask they wear, their inner voice is constantly telling them they are unworthy, and when empathy is extended to them, it confirms this voice. 

What Does it Mean When a Narcissist Says I Love You?

If you are falling in love with a narcissist and asking yourself what does it mean when a narcissist says I love you?

The answer lies in their definition of love; a narcissist is capable of feeling love for you, but they are also capable of knowingly and intentionally causing you pain, and to those with a sound mind, this is not love. 

The Charming Narcissist

In the early stages of dating, narcissists shower their partners with an outpouring of love.

But according to Robert Johnson, this is a part of the transactional process. They are playing a game, and their main objection is to win.

The narcissists want the love and admiration of the person they are pursuing; and to do so, they use manipulation tactics that manifest in the form of promises of commitment, romance, flattery, generosity and expressions of love.

This process has been termed ‘love bombing’, and the prospect becomes overwhelmed with the level of attention they are receiving. 

It is uncommon to hear about the rewarding aspects of loving a narcissist; narcissists are often extremely charismatic and charming.

They have a magnetic pull that draws you to them and they can be incredibly seductive.

Narcissists are captivating and magnificent storytellers, they will weave in the history of events, mind-blowing statistics, and trivia quotes that have the listener sitting on the edge of their seats hanging on their every word.

When a narcissist decides that they want you, they will make you feel like the most precious person on earth.

Once you get trapped in their web of splendor, it is almost impossible not to fall in love with a narcissist.

People who have been in a relationship with a narcissist state that the highs are heavenly and the lows are hellish. 

How long do Narcissistic Relationships last?

In general, a relationship with a narcissist will not last longer than a few years.

Nevertheless, when they do decide to marry, it is because they have accepted the positive feelings they have developed towards their partner, even if they are based on shared interests and friendship.

But their romantic escapades will dwindle to nothing, and they will go to great lengths to avoid intimacy.

The narcissist will often become angry, critical, and cold; this is especially true when they are challenged or don’t get their way.

When they cater to their spouse’s needs, they are looking for something in return.

You will never make a narcissist happy unless you are willing to accept that they are right at all times. If not, they will quickly withdraw their love and you will become a victim of their rage. 

Understand the love the Narcissist is Capable to Give

When you stop trying to get the narcissist to love you through your lens; and understand that their perception of love will never be the same as yours, it will become much easier to have a relationship with a narcissist.

In response to the question, what does it mean when a narcissist says I love you?

In short, it means that you have effectively catered to their needs in a way that has brought them the utmost satisfaction. 

Are All Narcissists Abusive in a Relationship?

Narcissism is a term that has become synonymous with Narcissistic abuse; however, the condition is a lot more complex than implied by the prevailing image.

Contrary to popular belief, humans, in general, are narcissists because they think of themselves first.

Using the flight attendant example, when you board a plane, before take-off the flight attendant makes an announcement.

You are told to put your facemask on first before helping anyone else if the plane crashes. 

This is a natural state, as it is impossible to help anyone else when your needs are unmet.

Narcissism is closely linked with healthy self-regard and assertiveness.

However, when a person suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder, the individual’s ego becomes so inflated and their sense of entitlement so extreme that it negatively affects their daily life and the people they are surrounded by. 

Emotional Abuse

By definition, narcissists do not think about the needs of others and therefore, the potential for Narcissistic abuse is high.

They justify their behavior because they see themselves as superior beings.

It can be difficult to have a relationship with a narcissist because they do not consider the feelings of others; therefore, some might argue that this opens the door to emotional abuse. 

A narcissist’s behavior can decline into more obvious forms of abuse when certain risk factors are at play.

These include problems such as substance abuse and anger, which can erode the judgment and inhibitions that serve to regulate behavior.

Financial difficulties are an additional risk factor since the narcissist’s self-worth is derived from the false outward image, when their sense of self is threatened, it causes them to lash out. 

Therefore, it is more accurate not to label all narcissists as abusive, but to view their condition as existing on a spectrum.

They are extremely toxic at one end, and at the other, just overly self-absorbed. Although a narcissist’s selfishness has the potential to cause problems in a relationship, they are not always abusive. 

Can a Narcissist Learn to Love?

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders documents that narcissists lack empathy, they are unwilling to identify or recognize the needs and feelings of others.

Studies conclude that structural abnormalities exist in the brain’s regions responsible for emotional empathy.

Therefore, their ability to express care and concern on an emotional level is significantly impaired.

On the other hand, they are capable of cognitive empathy, which is seeing things from someone else’s perspective.

But they are only motivated to do so if they will get something out of it. 

What is Love to the Narcissist?

If you want a narcissist to love you in the traditional sense, this is only possible if they acknowledge their condition and seek professional help. Some narcissists are willing to change, others are not.

With the help of a psychologist, narcissists can develop empathy and learn to know who they are on an emotional level.

The process involves learning to relinquish their addictive need to feel superior and accept support from others in a mutually emotional, caring, and fulfilling way. 

Can The Narcissist Change?

Can a Narcissist change their behavior? According to Psychologist Wendy Behary, three things are required for lasting and significant change to take place in the life of a narcissist:

1. Leverage: A narcissist must feel that they are in danger of losing something meaningful before they will decide to go into therapy. This is often the threat of losing their status, job, or partner. Once a narcissist is willing to expose their vulnerability, they are ready to change. 

1. A Good Therapist: When it comes to treating narcissism, a good therapist is difficult to find. For treatment to be effective, the therapist must be strong enough not to get drawn in by the narcissists charm, or the type of person who is easily triggered. They should be capable of setting boundaries and sticking to them.

1. A Therapeutic Approach: An example of a good therapeutic approach for narcissism is ‘schema therapy.’ The aim is to help narcissists to break free from harmful coping styles and self-defeating patterns that have developed from childhood so that they can reconnect with their core feelings. 

Essentially, to cure a narcissist, their brain needs rewiring; this is possible if they are willing to go through the process.

But it is only after a narcissist has been cured that they can learn to love their partner traditionally.

So, Can a Narcissist Fall in Love?

In response to the question, Can a narcissist fall in love, and will a narcissist ever find true love? The answer is yes; but as discussed, not in the traditional sense.

Despite some of the terrible things that narcissists say and do, they are human. They might hide their feelings, but they do have them and much of their behavior is often due to the traumatic pasts they have had.

If you are falling in love with a narcissist, the majority of people will tell you to run.

But if you feel strong enough to handle their split personality and their definition of real love, and you don’t feel as if you are being abused, you can make the relationship work. 

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