I want you all to stop what you ‘re doing and take notice of what’s going on here, because there are going to be many ways you will awaken to how intrinsic emotional abuse can be.
This isn’t about an argument here, or a joke there.
This is a conscious effort to make you feel bad, and to bring you down.
Emotional abuse is no joke, and it happens far more than you might think.
Let’s stop excusing this – and start paying attention.
Emotional Abuse is Still Abuse
You know, people still assume that abuse is just physical.
I have lost count of the amount of times I’ve heard, “Yes, they can be moody and upset me, but the second they lay a finger on me, I’m gone.”
I say, “Hold on a second…!!”
We backtrack, and we talk over what abuse really is…
…and it opens the eyes of those who have tolerated sometimes decades of emotional abuse.
How It Can Affect You
Emotional abuse is no joke.
It can leave you:
- Anxious
- Depressed
- On edge constantly
- Low or empty of self-worth
- Severely lacking in confidence
- Unable to think for yourself
- Forgetting your hobbies, friends, and passions in life
- Quitting your job just to please your abuser
- Gaslighted daily – where your reality is taken from you
- With an eroded identity
And so much more.
15 Things You Can Spot That Are Emotionally Abusive
1. Blaming You/Others
In narcissism, blame always points with a guilty finger to the innocent person. If that is or has ever been you, you’ll know what that feels like.
It’s frustrating and completely abusive.
Narcissists do this to divert attention and blame from themselves. That way, they never look like the person who has offended or upset another. I mean – they cannot be seen to be imperfect or untrustworthy, can they?
2. Shaming You/Others
Shame comes in different forms, like:
- Looking down at somebody
- Being made to feel bad for how you talk, act, look, feel or think
- Being ‘told off’ for doing something the narcissist thinks is wrong
The same for others. Narcissists are quick to shame, because the feeling of being shamed shrinks a person’s light and soul.
3. Criticizing
You look terrible.
You’re not going to apply for that job, are you? You wouldn’t last five minutes.
I can’t believe you still go to that stupid place for coffee.
Of course you picked that carpet. It looks cheap. You still don’t have taste.
Oh, criticism has no end. It can be literally anything you do.
It’s constant, and it will chip away at you like you were ice and they were a chisel.
4. Accusing You
Narcissists accuse their victims of things they haven’t done as a reason to:
- Take the blame off themselves
- Divert attention away from what they’re doing
- Make you look like the guilty party
- Make you eventually feel that guilt
- To bully and intimidate
Yes, of course it’s emotionally abusive. They know full well that you’re innocent, but they won’t stop pushing the narrative that you’ve done something wrong just to feel more powerful.
5. Giving You The Silent Treatment
Abusers dish the silent treatment out to make their victims feel helpless in a situation they cannot control. Can you make somebody talk? No! That’s exactly why narcissists love it.
If they aren’t talking, the victim is surmising. The victim is worrying. The victim is apologizing and pleading.
And guess what that means?
It means the narcissist is in full control of what’s going on, and they get to feel smug about it.
6. Bullying
Shouting, swearing, physical violence – bullying is an all encompassing look at what makes emotional abuse become real.
If you were ever bullied at school, you’ll know how it made you feel. How you dreaded going in, and felt sick whenever you saw the bully.
What will happen today?
Will they hurt me?
What will they demand from me?
It’s no different in adult life with narcissists – and it’s still emotional abuse.
7. Intimidating
Intimidation can be merely how narcissists present themselves to you. You can feel intimidated based on threats, breeches of personal space, shouting, rage, anger, the narcissist throwing something across the room.
It’s designed to scare you, or catch you off guard. And for many victims of narcissistic abuse, it is the one thing that keeps them quiet.
8. Neglect
You wouldn’t think that not having your basic needs met would result in emotional abuse, but you’d be wrong.
Yes, it can look like not being given enough money to buy the shopping, then having the narcissist complain that you didn’t get enough at the store.
Neglect is also not being met with the love and affection required to feel safe, loved, and appreciated.
It involves forgetting important moments, ignoring requests for a talk or a hug if you’re upset, not following up on asking how you are after a sad event, leaving you to deal with grief or problems alone, and refusing to want to be close to you.
9. Spying On You
Spying no you can look like:
- Following you to your place of work or leisure
- Keeping track of who you talk to
- Installing cameras in the house to make sure you are where you say you are
I mean – it can get really bad.
10. Monitoring Your Internet History
The internet history is big if you share tablets or laptops at home.
Checking to see what you’ve been on and using it against you is a way of trying to control what you do. The same goes for demanding your passwords and going through your phone.
Monitoring you is how they begin to pick you apart.
11. Ridiculing You
The way you dress. The way you talk. The way you stutter when you’re nervous – it all comes into play when being ridiculed by the narcissist. Sometimes they like an audience, and other times they’re happy to do it behind closed doors.
12. Dismissing Your Thoughts/Opinions
Pftt, what does it matter what you think?
Well, a lot, because eventually that turns into:
Pfft, what do I matter?
When someone dismisses your thoughts as much as an abuser does, it’s time to question why they are in your life at all.
13. Threatening You
Threats are a very strong way to know that you are being emotionally abused.
They can come across as passive aggressive, or they can be direct, loud and terrifying.
Either way – know that if you are threatened – you are being emotionally abused.
14. Making You Feel Guilty
Guilt leads to shame, and shame leads to self-loathing.
Anybody who installs guilt into you, especially for things you haven’t even done, is emotionally abusing you.
It may not seem like it, but trust me, it only leads to dangerous feelings about yourself.
15. Love-Bombing
Love-bombing is the only thing that actually may feel good at the time of being emotionally abused.
But how devastating is it to hear that you are loved and valued, only for it to be a lie?
How difficult is it to know that somebody you loved promised you the world and told you that you were The One, only for them to dump or ghost you?
No. Love-bombing is just as abusive as everything else I’ve listed, even if you might like it at the time.
