Narcissists don’t know lies from the truth half the time. They say what they say to get out of a pickle, or to throw you in one.
They will say what they want to say, even if it is disguised as the truth, and that’s where this topic comes right in.
To get them off the hook, the truth will be coated as a lie.
Here are 15 examples of how they do that.
Twisting The Facts
Oh, the facts can be there alright.
But what happens to them?
Narcissists are renowned for skewing facts in order to lie and manipulate, and these are five examples of just that.
#1 “I Was Kidding”
Jokes are meant to be funny, and if you’re not finding them in the slightest bit amusing, it’s because it wasn’t a joke.
This kind of phrase is true to the narcissist, who saw whatever they said as an opportunity to be funny (in their mind), but it hurt your feelings. That shouldn’t be forgotten or downplayed.
#2 “I Didn’t Say That”
You know they did, but they’re convinced they did not. Therefore, what they say is going to be right to them.
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You know the truth, and you know what you heard. To hear them gaslight you like this is nothing but a vague and predictable attempt to put you out of your own context.
Don’t fall for it.
#3 “That Didn’t Happen”
Yes, it did happen. You saw it, you were there, and you remembered it.
This is a similar attempt to gaslight you into believing what they deem as reality. Of course, that version of reality is the only version possible.
Or is it?
Never lose sight of your own version, because you will need to rely on it a lot when you’re around a narcissist.
Don’t fall for this.
#4 “Everybody Agrees With Me”
I beg to differ. Another attempt by the narcissist to exaggerate the truth.
What they want to believe is that everybody around them believes them, when in reality, there may only be one or two people.
And they’re probably still a little unsure, themselves.
It’s quite a grandiose thought to believe that not a single person would contest the narcissist, but this is sadly the world they’re living in, and they will keep living in it for as long as they can.
#5 “You Made Me Do it”
I already beg to differ. Hey, I’m on your side, here!
I doubt for a moment that you made the narcissist do anything. The notion that you forced the narcissist makes me laugh, but I will give them this – they’re great at trying.
Perhaps it was mere encouragement, or you asked them if they might be able to help or support you.
Suddenly, bam! You’re the bad guy, it didn’t work out, and they blame you for forcing them into it.
What a classic move.
Justification
Narcissists are great at trying to justify why they’ve done or said something.
And I know it’s going to be hard to hear – but these phrases are so manipulative that it’s not even funny.
Let’s look at these five phrases the narcissist uses to try to justify a lie.
#6 “I Care About You”
The care is a disguise, but the narcissist can use it to their advantage. They can lie all the while pretending they did it because they care.
#7 “I Was Just Trying to Help”
But yet somehow, you made it a million times worse.
Help me understand how that’s even possible.
Oh wait… because you thought you were being a good person, when it all turned out to be a lie anyway.
#8 “I’ve Done So Much For You”
One of the most infamous phrases a narcissist can possibly mutter. I think it’s the top phrase I hear recited by clients who have spoken out to me in the past.
Like you owe them? What is so much?
Narcissists do nothing but cause trouble, and if that’s a thing to be celebrated, then they need their heads read!
#9 “I Never Meant to Hurt You”
That was exactly what you meant to do.
Hurt when it extends out so frequently is nothing but intentional, and the narcissist knows it.
#10 “I Was Trying To Show How Much I Love You”
Narcissists don’t even know what love is. How could they possibly show it when they have no idea what they’re talking about?
It’s a way for you to go, “Aw. That’s so sweet of you.”
My advice would be – don’t say that.
The Truth: A Weapon
Using the truth as a weapon is a really dangerous game that narcissists love to play.
#11 The Past…
Using your past mistakes to shame you is a horrible way to use the truth in order to wade their way through a lie.
I would bet that you barely slip up but when you do, the narcissist isn’t going to forget it in a hurry.
#12 Backhanded Compliments
For you, that was smart!
Oh come on. Really? You want to go that low?
Don’t believe them when they insinuate that you’re stupid – you’re not.
They’re truth telling in that you were smart, but they immediately take that away with a lie – that you aren’t usually.
Enough!
#13 Fake Honesty
I’m just being honest.
You can almost see the cocky little shrug after they say it, can’t you?
Insulting you by leading you into some kind of truth, that’s actually a lie, is a really cheap way to throw you under the bus.
Yet it’s so popular. It happens all the time.
Narcissists want to make you feel bad, and then claim they’re a good, honest person.
Don’t believe a word of it.
#14 Secrets…
What secrets do you have that the narcissist knows about?
Think back to when you first met, and all the little ways you put yourself out there.
They know you, very well actually.
And now, like a weapon of mass destruction, they turn on you and use them against you to lie.
Is there no end to this narcissistic misery?!
#15 Comparisons
Trying to justify any anger is never going to go down well, believe me.
I’m not as late/bad/angry/snappy as them.
It’s not true, is it? But they want it to be, and that’s what they’re trying to do to you.
In other words:
You might be with a terrible abuser, but it could be worse, much, much worse.
Suddenly, the idea of staying with them doesn’t seem so bad. So you figure you’ll stay and see if anything between you heals or gets better over time.
I’ll save you the bother.
It won’t .
