Your phone, like all of our phones, are private. For most of us, there are no secrets, but for the few, there are many.
Narcissists are some of the most paranoid creatures on this planet, constantly looking over their shoulders waiting to be proven right in their mad assumptions.
That’s why they will go through your phone and try to find reasons to blame you, shame you, or guilt you.
Here’s what they’re looking for.
#1 The Contact List
Who are your friends? How long have you known Steve? Which Sarah is this? Why do you have a contact that says, “Person?”
The contact list will reveal a lot about you and how many people you know, but it doesn’t necessarily mean you speak to them all.
I know I have contacts in my phone that I haven’t spoken to in years, but of course, there’s no getting through to the paranoid narcissist.
They love to snoop at who you know as well, so they can remember who you know and try to befriend them themselves.
Imagine you suddenly hearing from that person who says, “Oh yeah, they added me as a friend on socials.”
Nothing worse than having your circle broken, right?
#2 Location History
Where exactly do you go when you say you’re nipping out? Where is the store you go to?
Do you have to drive past an ex’s house to get there? What about that gym, why did you sign in so early in the morning when you previously said you love to lay in when you can? Who was there?
Do you see where I’m going with this? The paranoia is strong and it will kick in when the narcissists scrolls your location history.
In turn, yeah, that makes you too bothered to go anywhere again for fear of it being held against you.
What a way to isolate you…
#3 What Apps You Have
The kinds of apps a person has is supposed to speak a lot about their character.
It also gives a great insight into any kinds of finances they have when you see who they bank with, or any credit apps or catalogs they might have online.
Beyond that, there may be social apps. The platforms you use. Or what about any kinds of store apps where your details are logged and can be copied?
The narcissist is looking for anything they can use against you, or what they deem to be sinister or questionable (even though they’re innocent and you know it).
#4 Your Gallery
Where was this taken, who has been sending you photos? What screenshots did you take that you felt were important at the time?
What have you saved that you feel is relevant to your life? A meme? A photo of anything related to abuse or narcissism?
Galleries aren’t just about taking pictures, they show everything that’s been sent, or that you’ve personally had a hand in taking or saving.
They’re a real guide to your life and almost a chronological memory of your past.
It comes as no surprise that the narcissist wants to snoop through it all when you’re not looking.
#5 Social DMs
What a minefield social DMs can be. People you don’t even know messaging you, or people you’ve met online that you innocently chat with.
Except nothing is innocent when it comes to the narcissistic personality. They can say and do what they want, but you cannot.
Those double standards become a problem when you leave your phone unattended for the narcissist to rifle through when you aren’t looking.
#6 Voice Memos/Notes
What have you been saying, what do you need to remind yourself, what thoughts have you got that you just have to get down in as quick a time as leaving it audibly on your phone?
The narcissist is about to find out as they rifle through your private clips.
And you know, a lot of people now actually journal on their phones, so these clips have the potential to be very private indeed.
Don’t say I didn’t warn you!
#7 Deleted Messages
What have you deleted that you don’t want anybody else to know about? What don’t you want to remember?
It’s easy to find out if you’re a paranoid, nosey and intrusive narcissist. Just a few clicks away wil reveal all those messages you wanted to send to the trash.
They lay there dormant, unseen by the initial eye but with a little delving can easily be unravelled.
And for the narcissist, who has no problems cheating on you or talking to a dozen of their exes, they expect you to remain loyal and not keep secrets.
#8 Calendar Plans
Where are you going, and who are you going with?
These things are as important to the narcissist as they are to you, after all ,they need to know your every step so that they can control and keep track of you.
Heck, they could even turn up where you are to make sure you’re there and behaving yourself.
Put nothing past a narcissist, especially one who has control of your phone.
#9 Search History
Your search history, like mine, will probably be totally random. From what the current temperature is in New York, to how long your intestines are, it can be pretty funny to reflect on.
However, the narcissist is skimming over these innocent searches in the hope they can find something dark.
Have you been spying on them, or an ex? Have you looked at inappropriate content online? Are you applying for jobs out of town, or planning your escape?
Prepare for them to find out when you’re not looking.
#10 Email Drafts
What did you want to say, but never got around to saying? And more importantly, who was the email aimed at?
The narcissist wants to know what’s going on in your world as much as your mind, so email drafts are the perfect place to drop into.
What are they hoping to find?
Their paranoia is as guilty as their own acts, trust me there.
#11 Cloud Backups
When you want to back something up onto the Cloud, you know it’ll be very safe there.
It’s where we go when we can’t find things on our actual phones, right? So that’s the place the narcissist is never going to fail to look when they’re trying to dig up your dirt to use against you.
When they want to know the truth, they won’t stop until they find it. It’s a shame you’ve got nothing to hide, isn’t it?
#12 Blocked Numbers
Who have you blocked, and why?
Again, the narcissist wants to find a number that aligns with an ex, or an old friend, or something they can hold against you in the middle of an argument.
They might find out you blocked your ex, and use that very evening to ask you a hundred questions about them to see if you are going to lie or tell the truth.
Why do they test us, when they never tell the truth themselves?! Because they are projecting their imperfections onto you, that’s why.
#13 Archived Texts
Who are you hiding from your main list of texting conversations? For me, I archive the group chats because they beep and chirp all times of the day and night.
I don’t need it, as much as I do dive in when it’s suitable for me to do so.
If a narcissist knows archived texts like I think they do, they’re looking for those secret conversations you’re having with that guy from work, or the guy you used to date in college.
Not everybody is disloyal!
#14 Password Managers
If they can grab a password to use for next time, you can bet that’s what they will do.
TV subscriptions, emails, access to credit apps or banking; if it’s available, they’re going to take them and store them.
That’s where you need to ensure there are no sudden purchases in all your accounts.
