Excuse me, do you mind if I ask you something?
You seem like a well-rounded, emotionally healthy individual, why wouldn’t you mind?
Try approaching a narcissist that way, and they will soon reveal their weirdest side to you!
You see, even the most innocent questions can ignite them, to the point where you are astounded by their dysregulation.
Today is about the weird ways narcissists react, and how you can keep your eyes peeled for every single one of them.
#1 They mimic you
What’s the deal here? Why can’t the person you’re speaking to act normally in response to your innocent question?
In this instance, the narcissist will see your question as either something they don’t want to reply to, or something they deem to be dumb.
That doesn’t mean it is! But look at them, mimicking you like they’re some kind of preschooler on a park swing.
These are grown people!
Mimicking you is immature, and narcissists think by doing that, that they’re being somehow funny. Let’s look at what’s really happening, though…
…They aren’t answering what you’re asking! The whole thing becomes about their ‘joke’ at your expense!
#2 They pretend they didn’t hear you
Sorry, what?
What a way to make the other person feel so uninteresting that they can’t even listen properly to the original question.
Most victims on the receiving end of this just end up saying “Doesn’t matter.”
By default, the question won’t even need answering, and the subject gets moved on.
#3 The awakening rage
You ask something so innocent that seems to ignite a part of the narcissist that you feel isn’t deserving at all.
You’re surprised. The question was just an everyday enquiry, yet you’d think you’d asked for a bank loan of $50,000.
The problem isn’t your question, though. The problem is that the narcissist doesn’t know how to answer it.
#4 The audacity!
Who do you think you’re talking to!
What kind of question is that?
What are you trying to insinuate?
Suddenly, your innocent question gets thrown back into your face due to the sheer audacity of it! How dare you even assume the narcissist will answer!
What’s this really about, though? It’s about you wanting to just put something out there, and the narcissist finding a way to silence you.
By letting you know that your attitude (to them) stinks, they’re doing just that.
#5 Silent treatment
Hello? Is anybody there?
Of course they are! They just want to appear as if they’re a million miles away, and it works, right?
The narcissist goes silent and you are too afraid to re-ask the question through fear of them shouting at you, or it being wrong somehow.
So you back away. In your head, you’re saying, “Never mind.”
#6 Criticism for daring to ask
Why do you always want to start talking when the news is on?
Can’t you see I am trying to write out an email?
What is it in your stupid mind that thinks a question like that is something I want to reply to?
You’re pulled apart, for even daring to ask a question so innocent that you didn’t see a problem with it.
But there is always a problem when it comes to narcissists.
#7 Acting like you’re repeating yourself
This again?
Really?
Why are you asking me this for the hundredth time this week?
Didn’t you hear me the first time you asked this?
Now, there’s a little bit of gaslighting in this reaction.
You actually haven’t asked that often, but because you have dared open your mouth, you’re being treated like you’re somebody who doesn’t listen, or who is a pain to even try to gain an answer.
#8 Using your question to project back onto you
Hey, you can come at the narcissist with whatever question you want, but trust me, if it;s one they aren’t keen on answering, expect to get that question fired right back to you.
Classically, narcissists hate being made to feel uncomfortable, and as innocent as your question may be, you won’t get far if that’s what you end up pushing them toward.
Well why don’t you ever do it?
Why don’t you know the answer?
Get ready!
#9 Snapping
Oh, I’m sorry. Did I ask you a question at the wrong time? Are you in the middle of something? Do you need me to come back later on and ask again?
No. Stop with thinking that you have to schedule a time to make an innocent inquiry.
Nobody should be that non-approachable, but here you are, making space for a narcissist that doesn’t deserve that space.
They are not that important!
Don’t buy into the idea that they are. Their snapping is a pure design to intimidate you and get you to back off entirely. Know that, and keep your boundaries.
#10 “Not now!”
If not now, then when? If this isn’t a good time, then I am going to leave you be and come back to you when you’re done doing whatever it is that you’re using as an excuse to wriggle out of this.
You see, questions are an opportunity for clarity and honesty. Two things a narcissist really wants to try to avoid.
So keep asking, and keep pushing.
#11 “What a dumb question”
Wow, how direct of you. Calling a person who is just trying to get an answer dumb because they asked something the narcissist thinks is dumb.
An excuse to call you a name and make you feel bad about yourself.
I don’t think it’s cool at all, but we must remember the cruel streak that runs through their veins.
That does not stop existing.
#12 Laughing at you
Being laughed at is no fun, and narcissists are usually the ones who do that without a second thought.
To them, you’re a joke, which is ironic seeing as on the other hand they try so hard to make you think they love you, too.
Love isn’t mockery, and mockery isn’t love.
#13 Rolling their eyes
Whenever somebody rolls their eyes at me, it teaches me about the level of tolerance they possess within them.
Tolerance not just for me, but for life in general. If you can’t even answer the most innocent of questions without an attitude rising up, then we aren’t really going to get along for long.
Don’t be made to feel that you are some kind of pain in the ass, because you aren’t.
#14 “I’ll get back to you”
This is the perfect way for a narcissist to stay in control. You’ll have to wait for them to answer, and that can take an hour, a day, a week, or a month.
You’re left hanging on, waiting for a response. You may even reach out and ask again to see if they’re ready to answer, but they just keep on leaving you hanging.
This is what they love, and they will wait as long as they can until you absolutely need to know.
What a disgusting, weird power trip to cling onto, right?
Act like you aren’t even bothered, and that will take so much of that power away.
