Have you ever considered the possibility that the seemingly strong and impenetrable narcissist in your life might have hidden fears? Beneath their hard-shell exterior often lie covert insecurities.

They are well hidden, and the narcissist will do everything in his power to keep their fears safe and secret.

Here are 14 things Narcissists are secretly afraid of.

#1 Exposure

One of the deepest fears narcissists harbor is the fear of exposure – having their imperfections and insecurities revealed to the world. They’ll do anything to maintain their crafted persona.

You see, they’re not just protecting their pride. They’re shielding their fragile egos. When exposed, they feel threatened and vulnerable.

It’s not just an embarrassment. It’s a blow to their self-constructed reality.

#2 Criticism

When you criticize a narcissist, prepare for an intense backlash as their fear of criticism is deeply rooted in their need for perfection and admiration. They’re hypersensitive to any perceived slight, often responding angrily or defensively.

This fear stems from their inflated self-image, which they desperately try to uphold. Hence, your critique is seen not as constructive but as a direct attack on their persona.

#3 Rejection

Just as a critique can feel like an attack on a narcissist’s persona, rejection can be even more devastating. It’s as if their self-perceived worth is contradicted, often sparking narcissistic rage or plunging them into despair.

#4 Losing control

Losing control is a narcissist’s worst nightmare, causing them significant anxiety and driving their need to dominate their environment. It’s not just about manipulating others; it’s about maintaining their self-image.

Their carefully constructed facade might crumble if they can’t control their surroundings. This fear often triggers their oppressive behavior, making them more aggressive in their quest to maintain control.

#5 Abandonment

Fear of abandonment can consume a narcissist, as they deeply dread losing sources of their much-needed narcissistic supply. This fear drives them to manipulate and control those around them.

They’ll cling tightly if you’re in their life, terrified to lose you. But remember, it’s not about you—it’s about their fear of being alone, without the attention and validation they crave.

#6 Not Being Special or Unique

While abandonment deeply unsettles a narcissist, another aspect that keeps them constantly on edge is the possibility of not being perceived as special or unique.

To you, their need to stand out may seem excessive. But for them, being ordinary is a nightmare.

They crave the spotlight, and the thought of blending into the crowd brings an unbearable fear they’re desperate to escape.

#7 Emotional Intimacy

Diving into the realm of emotional intimacy can be a daunting endeavor for a narcissist.

Their fear lies in vulnerability, which comes with true emotional intimacy. They prefer surface-level interactions to keep their imperfections concealed.

Rather than sharing feelings, they shield their true selves, avoiding the risk of exposure. Emotional intimacy threatens their carefully constructed facades and that’s what they fear.

#8 Failure

In the eyes of a narcissist, failure isn’t an option; it’s a terrifying prospect that threatens their meticulously crafted self-image.

They’ve built a persona of perfection and success, so any hint of defeat shakes their confidence deeply.

The mere thought of failing, of not being the best, sends them into a state of anxiety and distress. This fear often drives their relentless pursuit of success.

#9 Dependence

Shifting from their fear of failure, let’s consider another aspect that terrifies narcissists: the prospect of dependence.

They’re scared stiff of relying on others, it makes them feel weak, vulnerable. They can’t stand feeling less than self-sufficient.

This fear often drives their behaviour, pushing them to extremes to prove they don’t need anyone else. Dependence, for them, is akin to defeat.

#10 Irrelevance

Feeling irrelevant or unimportant can be a narcissist’s worst nightmare. They crave being the center of attention, the most significant person in the room. It’s not just about vanity, it’s their lifeblood.

They’ll likely ramp up their attention-seeking behavior if they sense they’re fading into the background. It’s a desperate attempt to avoid the fear they dread most: becoming irrelevant.

#11 Insignificance

Just as the fear of becoming irrelevant can haunt a narcissist, so too can the dread of insignificance. They crave the spotlight, fearing that without it, they are insignificant.

This fear drives them to seek attention constantly, making them feel worthy.

#12 Being Outshone

In the spotlight of life, their fear of being outshone by others can significantly shape their behavior as a narcissist.

They are always striving to be the best, superior to all. This fear of being overshadowed fuels their constant need for recognition and validation.

When someone else shines brighter, it threatens their self-worth, causing them to react negatively, often with jealousy and rage.

#13 Their Own Feelings

As a narcissist, confronting their feelings may seem like an impossible challenge, often leading to denial or distortion of emotions. They fear genuine emotion’s complex, raw vulnerability, so they suppress it.

Yet, this denial can lead to emotional turmoil, as unaddressed feelings don’t simply vanish. It’s a constant, draining battle, but facing their emotions is a fear they keep hidden.

#14 Aging

While suppressing their emotions can lead to internal struggles, another fear that they might contend with as a narcissist is the fear of aging. This fear stems from a perceived loss of beauty, power, and control.

They might go to great lengths to maintain youthfulness, as aging threatens their self-image. The prospect of losing admiration due to aging can be deeply unsettling for them.

8 Phrases Narcissists Use to Control Their Partners

If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, you have probably heard it all. They use words and phrases in their desire to control everything about you.

A narcissist is never wrong in their mind. They have a superior image of themselves and feel you should be submissive to their demands.

Why a Narcissist Feels The Need to Control You

Narcissists are naturally dominant. They believe they are superior to everyone else, and controlling their minds and actions gives them the image of superiority that they crave.

Being in a relationship with a narcissist, there are ten phrases you need to keep in mind. These phrases are what these dominants use to control you. The top 10 phrases used by narcissists includes:

1. You’re Being Too Emotional / Sensitive

When you are faced with a narcissist who wants you to do something they want you to do, they can get argumentative and difficult. They aim to control you completely. You may feel worthless, frustrated, and, yes, emotional. Tears are not something uncommon for anyone in a relationship like this.

A favorite phrase used by a narcissist when trying to control you is “You’re being too emotional/sensitive.” Using this phrase, immediately shifts the blame onto you. By saying this, you may question yourself and what you did wrong.

Narcissists are clever, well-practiced in disguise, and know how to quickly shift the blame from themselves onto you. This helps them control you, make you question yourself, and make you do what they want you to do.

2. You’re Overreacting

When it comes to you doing something you want to do, that your narcissist partner isn’t keen on, they will use phrases to get you to back down.

They aim to control your actions, getting you to do what they want. The minute you get upset or start arguing back, they will tell you “you’re overreacting.” These two words are something you will encounter often when in a relationship with a narcissist.

These two words can make you stop in your tracks, questioning your sanity. You may wonder if you were being too extreme or insensitive or if you were really overreacting.

This is a clever trait that a narcissist has in their arsenal of vocabulary, one of the phrases they use to make you question yourself and give them the control that they need.

3. I’m the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You

Unfortunately, a narcissist often looks for a relationship with someone that has experienced problems in previous relationships or has a submissive personality.

They make endless promises to draw you to them and get involved with them. Once you are in their grasp, they can use phrases to hurt you and to take full control of your mind and actions.

One of the many phrases you will or have encountered living with a narcissist is “I’m the best thing that ever happened to you.” By now they have gained your trust, maybe they have gotten you to share some of your past experiences. This is used against you when you want to do something they don’t want.

If you were in a bad relationship in the past, your narcissistic partner will use that to their benefit.

When your actions don’t meet what they want, they will use “I’m the best thing that ever happened to you” to gain full control over you. Sadly, you will likely believe them until you realize the type of person you are dealing with.

4. You’re Remembering it Wrong

How often have you been told you are wrong in the past month or two? Yes, this is a phrase used by your narcissistic partner to gain control of you. They use these phrases to make you wonder if you remember it wrong.

It may be something as simple as an agreement you both had or that you asked them to attend a work function with you and they agreed. When the topic comes back up and they have changed their minds or are in a mood and need a superiority boost, they will use this phrase to gain control.

Because they need to control you, they will make promises that they do not keep. This boosts their sense of superiority, helping them feel better about themselves.

5. If You Really Loved Me, You Would Do …”

In a narcissist’s desire to control you, they will use just about everything in their arsenal to make you do what they want you to do. One of their favorite ways to achieve this is to make you feel guilty. Feeling guilty makes you more inclined to do what you want, boosting your superiority complex.

“If you really loved me, you would do …” is a phrase often used by a narcissist. Why? Because it makes you feel guilty.

Feeling guilty makes you more likely to do what you want, giving you control of your mind and actions. Often, you give in to what they want to avoid an unnecessary argument or another one.

6. I Never Said That or I Never Did That

If you put money in a jar every time your narcissistic partner told you, “I never said that,” or “I never did that,” you would be a rich woman right now. Narcissists consider themselves superior to everyone else and they don’t like being reminded of their mistakes.

If they have made a mistake or made you a promise that they have no intention of fulfilling, they will make you question your own sanity by saying, “I never said that,” or “I never did that.”

These simple words can make you question yourself, allowing them to control you.

7. You Never or You Always

Narcissists use guilt to control you. Their phrases are carefully chosen to make you question yourself and your objectives and to give them control of your life. Living with a narcissist is not easy, leaving many women feeling that they are unworthy, useless, and generally wrong in everything that they do.

As a result, a narcissist will often use the phrase “you never” or “you always.” This immediately blames you, resulting in a swell of guilt and giving them the chance they need to control you.

8. You’re the One Who Made Me Behave Like That

“You’re the one who made me behave like that.” Let’s be honest: how many times have you heard this phrase from your narcissistic partner?

Chances are it’s a phrase you hear more often than you would like. Again, they are shifting the blame onto you, allowing them to control you and boosting their superiority over you.

You need to remember that narcissists need to control you in your relationship, enabling them to maintain their sense of power and self-importance. Their need to control you gives them the validation they need, helping them meet their needs.

If you are noticing that your narcissist partner is using the above phrases more often, it is due to their need to control you, boosting their self-importance and ensuring their needs are met.

It is important that you know the most common phrases used by narcissists to control you, enabling you to identify them and not give in to their control. This can help you remain strong, happy, and healthy.