What do I mean by afraid?
It seems the average narcissist isn’t one to admit to feeling any kind of fear or worry, and I think we can all agree on that.
The problem occurs when they present as untouchable and bolshy, yet they are much more vulnerable under this fragile surface than they would ever care to admit.
Narcissists are secretly afraid of many things, and I happen to have the top 14 right here.
Fear Unlocked?
Narcissists don’t want any fear being unlocked.
In fact, they throw all their fears in a big box and double-bolt them before throwing them into a drawer, never to be seen again!
You will never have access to their fears, because they’ll never admit to having any, let alone certain ones.
If you really want to know something interesting about a narcissist’s fears, it’s that they convert them into other emotions for the sake of people they meet and know.
Sometimes it looks like over-masculinity or femininity.
No thanks! I don’t want to go on some pathetic cruise sitting on a boat all day! (Converted to: I have a fear of boats and you’re never going to get me on one).
Oh my God. I cannot stand going to see live music. I can’t think of anything worse than standing in a sweaty crowd full of people talking. (Also converted to: I hate crowds. They freak me out).
You see where I’m going with this?
Narcissists are afraid of things.
They just won’t tell you.
So, here we go.
#1 Being Found Out
You clocking on that they exude narcissistic tendencies is going to wreck their lives.
Seriously, they won’t be able to handle you figuring them out, finding out the truth, and changing how you present to them.
There’s no going back, and the narcissist will know this.
With that, you change and tae away your source of supply that they’ve gotten very used to having.
#2 The Critical Tables Turning
It’s okay for them to say what they want to you, but the moment you dish it back, you’re in big trouble. They hate it, and they’re afraid of that happening.
To hear you say out loud what you think and how you feel about them is their worst nightmare…
…It fills them with dread.
#3 Being Rejected
Ever since they can recall, the narcissist has had a major fear of rejection. This has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with how they coped as a child.
Usually, that points to absent parents of some kind, or the kind of parents whose love you’d have to earn.
Because of this – they would have tried to fight for a smidgen of love or affection, and the fear of being rejected as a result.
Continuing into adult life, the narcissist has now brought this to you – and how they fear you leaving them and taking away your supply, too.
#4 Not Having Control
Knowing they have control of every aspect of life means a narcissist is going to sleep a lot better at night.
The level of control they require is beyond anything I could ever comprehend, but it is how they are able to be in charge.
Without it, what’s the point? That leaves them underneath you in the authority rankings, and narcissists are only happy when they are in first place.
#5 Being Abandoned
Abandonment is another worry that stems from childhood.
Being left alone to cope would have made them feel anxious, worried, and like their guard is firmly up.
To overcompensate for that, they will exert the idea that they could easily live without you in some kind of reverse psychology attempt.
#6 “Nothing Special About Me?”
Narcissists rely on everybody else to build up their character for them. They aren’t emotionally self-sufficient at all, and need validation in order to feel good.
The reassurance they seek comes from how bonded their victims are to them. These bonds – toxic as they are to you – help the narcissist see how important they are to certain people.
If there’s nothing special there, then there’s no reassurance.
Huge fear.
#7 A Certain Kind of Intimacy
Intimacy isn’t usually a problem for narcissists, neither is saying, “I love you.”
The real issue is expressing love. To express it, you have to feel it.
Narcissists fear love due to their equal fear of abandonment.
“If I let my guard down, I will be seen as weak.”
#8 Failing
Failing will really cut up the narcissist. They can’t even stand the idea of it, and will avoid admitting they’ve failed as much as possible.
Even if they do fail at something in life, they will always blame another person or make excuses for it.
Making mistakes is not on their agenda.
#9 Dependence
They want to be dependent on, but they are petrified of depending on others.
What does dependence do to the narcissist? I hear you ask.
Well, it puts you – the victim – in charge.
You call the shots, they answer to your call? They don’t think so!
#10 Being Irrelevant
Like the latest fashion or tech magazine – narcissists need to be – and stay – current.
They want to be relevant to conversations, dynamics, groups of people, professional networks – they want it all.
They’re scared to go without them, as it means nobody thinks they’re important enough to be involved…
…And they are afraid of that.
#11 Not Being Significant
In any situation, the significance of mere presence has to be around the narcissist.
They always have a few wild and grandiose stories up their sleeve to draw people to them like moths to a flame.
Without this cunning back-up plan, they are just the same as everybody else.
And that is scary!
#12 Somebody Shining Brighter Than Them
Attention shifts in life, doesn’t it?
One minute it’s you, the next it’s someone you know and/or love.
It’s wonderful to share brightness, and in my eyes, there’s room for everybody.
Unless you think like a narcissist, that is.
Narcissists want all the brightness shining on them.
Without it, they dim into significance, and that’s awful for them.
#13 How They Feel
Feelings are tucked away, never to be thought about ever again.
If they have to come out, they’re done so very plainly, extremely arrogantly, or just plain rage.
I don’t know what it is that could make somebody so insistent on not teaching their kids basic emotions and how to cope with them.
For some reason, there are those people out there, and they raise future narcissists.
Emotions invoke vulnerabilities – and a narcissist can never look so exposed in this sense.
It’s just not how they roll.
#14 Getting Old
While the likes of you or I would find it a privilege to grow old, narcissists don’t think the same.
You’ll find many frantically trying to slow the aging clock down by getting various treatments, or in larger cases, surgery.
Constantly trying to show the world the best visible image of themselves, they will hate to be looked at as less than perfect.
Pretty sad, don’t you think?
But actually – they want to always be young and youthful so that they are never looked at as ‘the oldie’ – the butt of jokes.
Could you imagine?!
