Sometimes in life we look for signs, and some of them are difficult to spot.
When it comes to signs you have been mentally abused by your narcissistic mother, the signs can be way more obvious…
…But only if you have the courage to dive in and reflect on who you are as a person and what traits you carry with you every day.
I’ve got 14 signs here for you, in the hope they will help you start to heal from your experience.
#1 You are a people-pleaser
Being a people-pleaser comes from wanting to please the one person you should never have to work to please; your mom.
The abuse behind it is from the neglect you would have experienced every single time you ran to her with a smile, only to be let down or ignored totally.
Stop doing that, I’m busy!
I don’t have time for this.
I don’t know what you want me to say.
Then you’d have had the very fragmented:
That’s great, well done!
You lived for that, but you only got it 5 per cent of the time.
#2 You fear having your own kids
It’s no wonder you’d fear having your own kids when you were raised by a monster mom.
If her abuse was anything to go by, you’d fear being triggered all through parenthood, not to mention be totally unsure how to be so responsible and loving without any of the tools to help you be so.
Mental abuse is no joke, and if your own mom abused you, you won’t be in the market for future generational curses.
#3 You feel heavy grief where there should be love
You just can’t seem to move on from what happened to you, not because you haven’t tried, but because you don’t realize that heavy weight is in fact, a form of grief.
Grieving somebody still alive is hard, and grieving a relationship you never got to experience is enough to make the kindest people resentful and hurt for a long time after.
Love is absent, but you wish you could fill that void with what should come naturally to you.
#4 You don’t know yourself
Who are you? What do you like? How do you want to dress? How do you like to decorate your house?
So many aspects of yourself just won’t be obvious to you because you never got the chance to explore them.
As a kid, you’d have been told your hobbies were pathetic, and your taste in anything was poor. By your mom of all people.
That wound does not heal easily, and can leave you lost in later life.
#5 You over-apologize
All the time, whenever you feel like it will make a situation better. The automatic word you revert to is ‘sorry,’ and it confuses the kind of people who grew up with an emotionally healthy mom.
When you think back, you realize that this ‘sorry’ was spoken so frequently, because she always made you feel like you did something wrong.
Now, as an adult, you think it will be the one word that solves problems that likely don’t even exist.
This is how programmed narcissistic mothers make their kids.
#6 You’re attracted to toxic relationships
It’s not that you go into abusive relationships thinking, “Yes, another chance to be abused!”
It’s rather that you see the addictive patterns from the start, and that begins with the charm and gravitational lure of your mom those moments she does express it.
You love the speed of the high, and will tolerate the crashing lows in between just to feel that high once more.
The toxicity of narcissism comes from your narcissistic mom’s ability to change emotional direction just in time for you to be grateful for it. Right before you give up, they give you everything.
When a narcissistic mother is all you know, it will become all you experience.
#7 You find it difficult to trust people
Trusting people has to come from how your narcissistic mother treated you, and how inconsistent she was with the matching of their words and actions.
You can be told that you’re loved, but then you’re hurt by her.
You can be told that you’re loved, then ignored or yelled at, or mocked or insulted.
Over time, you will just see everybody as capable of being this cruel. If your own mom can, then anyone can, right?
#8 You struggle with boundaries
Boundaries you’ve previously wanted are likely to have been walked all over, dismissed entirely and treated like you – like they don’t matter.
When you’ve tried to implement them before, you’ve been made to feel a guilt and shame that you don’t want to feel again.
Boundaries are an issue only with the wrong kinds of people.
#9 You self-worth is non-existent
Who can you look to for inspiration, advice and encouragement if your own mom refuses to be a part of your growth in that way?
You may have other choices to help you, but the sadness and resentment of her not fulfilling that role will cut your self-worth as much as her treatment of you did.
When it doesn’t exist, leave yourself in doubt that it was due to the mental abuse she subjected you to.
#10 you feel responsible for everybody else’s feelings
Like you felt responsible for hers growing up. No kid should have to feel as though they need to shoulder everybody else’s problems in order to feel loved or valued.
You are not responsible for making other people happy; that’s their job. Your mom would have made you believe otherwise though, and that’s why you cannot let go of it easily.
#11 You have an inner critic
That voice inside your head that tells you you’re doing everything wrong, or that you shouldn’t bother at all is mistaken to be your own voice.
It’s not.
It roots back to your narcissistic mom, who spent your entire childhood feeding you words of negativity that now manifest as your inner critic.
#12 You fear abandonment
You hate the idea of people leaving because it triggers the reality of your mom never quite being there for you.
You want to do everything you can to make them stay, even to the detriment of your own wellbeing.
#13 You want to be perfect all the time
Because being perfect means you’re behaving yourself and showing up for the family name, doesn’t it?
Being perfect means you are not drawing negative attention to yourself, and you are proving to the world that your narcissistic mom is in fact, a great mom.
Your perfection represents her parenting.
#14 You give up your authentic self too easily
Giving away who you are to replace that person with who other people want you to be, or who you feel you need to show up as in order to please everybody else.
If anybody criticizes something you do or like, you will drop that thing just so you can conform.
And then people just might like you.
If only you realized this was a sign that you were mentally abused by a narcissistic mother, rather than reality.
