Narcissists only love certain people.
I know, I know They act like they love everybody, but that’s only because they want everybody to love them.
If a narcissist is drawn to you like some kind of magnetic force is present – there’s got to be a reason.
That reason will never be good (for you, at least).
Lessons in why you become a magnet for any kind of toxic person are hard to learn, but once you know, the control shifts to you.
Want to change how you act to release the narcissist back into the wild?
Stick with me to find out!
You Don’t Mean to Be…
Who in their right mind ever wants to attract somebody as dangerous, draining and toxic as a narcissist?
I don’t think it’s ever in anybody’s mind to specifically go out and make sure you bag yourself a new abuser – but these things happen.
The question is why? Why does it happen to you? What’s bringing yet another narcissist knocking at your door, and how can you prevent it?
So, What Makes You A Magnet For Narcissists?
I don’t want the truth to hurt you. Instead, I want the truth to set you free.
#1 How Willingly You Forgive
To forgive when you’ve been wronged is to give the person who wronged you, the benefit of the doubt. This does two things:
- It teaches them that they can walk all over you and continually upset you
- It shows that you have no boundaries, and will accept any form of treatment towards you
I don’t want that for you, and I am always shocked at how many people don’t see the willingness to forgive as a problem.
I know we all make mistakes, and I’m not talking about those. I am talking about real and intentional pain inflicted.
#2 You’re Overly Empathic
You might hear that empaths are problematic people, but I want you to know how untrue this is.
Empaths feel, and they love hard. They’re sensitive to what’s going on around them, and this can cause them to absorb other people’s sadness as if they were sponges.
It also causes them to absorb other things too, like blame, shame and guilt. That’s why it’s easy for narcissists to target them.
#3 You Love to Rescue
Rescuing is what you do best, to the point where ‘rescuer’ is your middle name!
How is it possible that you love to save people for a living?
A lot of people found their worth during their early years by making the atmosphere better when there was conflict around them, being the peacekeepers, and learning to make jokes to break the heavy air.
Rescue people – rescue situations. You’re there to make it all better, no matter how bad things get.
If that’s what you’re naturally good at, that’s what narcissists are going to love about you.
You will be there to constantly clear up their mess.
#4 Your Positivity
Narcissists can extract positivity and won’t hesitate to take what’s yours if it means they feel better about themselves.
This is called ‘supply,’ and if you’re positive in character, that supply will be endless for them.
#5 You Had a Narcissistic Parent
Not many people want to go back in time and remember what it felt like the moment you discovered one or both parents were narcissistic.
Initially, it’s a painful can of worms opened, realizing all the times you were abused and had little to no knowledge of what was really going on.
What kid would? You’re just doing your best to get by and be loved alongside growing up – and for many the two just don’t happen simultaneously.
When you’re treated a certain way, that way is what you grow to expect in other relationships. A shaky foundation is the groundwork for a shaky house.
#6 The People-Pleaser
Constantly wanting to make others happy is what narcissists will love about you.
It means they have permission to make your most ridiculous demands, and all you will do in return is run yourself into the ground trying to make them happy.
#7 You Like to Be Liked
If it was something that was lacking in your life as a child, you’ll want to find it as an adult.
I want people to like me.
I want to feel like a worthy person.
I’ll do what it takes for people to like me.
There’s nothing more you should do other than be yourself. It’ll never be good enough for the wrong people, but it’ll be perfect for those meant to be in your life.
#8 You’re Insecurities Spill Out
If the narcissist knows what you’re insecure about, they can use those very things against you in their twisted quest for toxic success.
Telling them what fears and triggers you have is like handing them the weapons they eventually maim you with.
#9 Codependency
Codependency fails to create healthy relationships based on how it excludes your own wants and needs in favor of the person you’re attached to.
Instead of mutual love, there comes the idea that one or both people are reliant solely on each other, and in abusive relationships the narcissist forms that codependency with the victim.
Victims are more likely to exude codependency traits due to their deep need to please and fall for the smallest of gestures the narcissist has to offer.
#10 You Want a Happy Ending
Everybody does, but when you focus on the happy ending, you’re missing what’s really going on in the present moment.
#11 Any Love, is Love
A little breadcrumb of affection here, an, ‘I love you’ text there – and your whole week is made.
This isn’t love. Words are not love – actions are.
#12 Fear of Being Alone
I think we all might worry that we will end up alone, but it is in the true fear of being without anybody that you stay in whichever current situation suits you.
Stop this – please. I seriously beg you all to reconsider simply settling.
#13 You Believe Them
What do you believe?
Words, again.
These words mean nothing if truths or actions don’t back them up.
Narcissists will happily walk all over you if you keep giving them the benefit of the doubt.
#14 Your Identity is For Sale
Who wants to buy it?
Wait, what do you mean you aren’t selling it?
What you mean is, you aren’t consciously selling it.
But it’s still for sale.
And the narcissist has all the money in the world to shine at you if you sacrifice it.
Don’t allow their shallow strength be the thing that swipes your identity from your hands.
