Narcissists only love certain people.
I know, I know They act like they love everybody, but that’s only because they want everybody to love them.
If a narcissist is drawn to you like some kind of magnetic force is present – there’s got to be a reason.
That reason will never be good (for you, at least).
Lessons in why you become a magnet for any kind of toxic person are hard to learn, but once you know, the control shifts to you.
Want to change how you act to release the narcissist back into the wild?
Stick with me to find out!
You Don’t Mean to Be…
Who in their right mind ever wants to attract somebody as dangerous, draining and toxic as a narcissist?
I don’t think it’s ever in anybody’s mind to specifically go out and make sure you bag yourself a new abuser – but these things happen.
The question is why? Why does it happen to you? What’s bringing yet another narcissist knocking at your door, and how can you prevent it?
So, What Makes You A Magnet For Narcissists?
I don’t want the truth to hurt you. Instead, I want the truth to set you free.
#1 How Willingly You Forgive
To forgive when you’ve been wronged is to give the person who wronged you, the benefit of the doubt. This does two things:
- It teaches them that they can walk all over you and continually upset you
- It shows that you have no boundaries, and will accept any form of treatment towards you
I don’t want that for you, and I am always shocked at how many people don’t see the willingness to forgive as a problem.
I know we all make mistakes, and I’m not talking about those. I am talking about real and intentional pain inflicted.
#2 You’re Overly Empathic
You might hear that empaths are problematic people, but I want you to know how untrue this is.
Empaths feel, and they love hard. They’re sensitive to what’s going on around them, and this can cause them to absorb other people’s sadness as if they were sponges.
It also causes them to absorb other things too, like blame, shame and guilt. That’s why it’s easy for narcissists to target them.
#3 You Love to Rescue
Rescuing is what you do best, to the point where ‘rescuer’ is your middle name!
How is it possible that you love to save people for a living?
A lot of people found their worth during their early years by making the atmosphere better when there was conflict around them, being the peacekeepers, and learning to make jokes to break the heavy air.
Rescue people – rescue situations. You’re there to make it all better, no matter how bad things get.
If that’s what you’re naturally good at, that’s what narcissists are going to love about you.
You will be there to constantly clear up their mess.
#4 Your Positivity
Narcissists can extract positivity and won’t hesitate to take what’s yours if it means they feel better about themselves.
This is called ‘supply,’ and if you’re positive in character, that supply will be endless for them.
#5 You Had a Narcissistic Parent
Not many people want to go back in time and remember what it felt like the moment you discovered one or both parents were narcissistic.
Initially, it’s a painful can of worms opened, realizing all the times you were abused and had little to no knowledge of what was really going on.
What kid would? You’re just doing your best to get by and be loved alongside growing up – and for many the two just don’t happen simultaneously.
When you’re treated a certain way, that way is what you grow to expect in other relationships. A shaky foundation is the groundwork for a shaky house.
#6 The People-Pleaser
Constantly wanting to make others happy is what narcissists will love about you.
It means they have permission to make your most ridiculous demands, and all you will do in return is run yourself into the ground trying to make them happy.
#7 You Like to Be Liked
If it was something that was lacking in your life as a child, you’ll want to find it as an adult.
I want people to like me.
I want to feel like a worthy person.
I’ll do what it takes for people to like me.
There’s nothing more you should do other than be yourself. It’ll never be good enough for the wrong people, but it’ll be perfect for those meant to be in your life.
#8 You’re Insecurities Spill Out
If the narcissist knows what you’re insecure about, they can use those very things against you in their twisted quest for toxic success.
Telling them what fears and triggers you have is like handing them the weapons they eventually maim you with.
#9 Codependency
Codependency fails to create healthy relationships based on how it excludes your own wants and needs in favor of the person you’re attached to.
Instead of mutual love, there comes the idea that one or both people are reliant solely on each other, and in abusive relationships the narcissist forms that codependency with the victim.
Victims are more likely to exude codependency traits due to their deep need to please and fall for the smallest of gestures the narcissist has to offer.
#10 You Want a Happy Ending
Everybody does, but when you focus on the happy ending, you’re missing what’s really going on in the present moment.
#11 Any Love, is Love
A little breadcrumb of affection here, an, ‘I love you’ text there – and your whole week is made.
This isn’t love. Words are not love – actions are.
#12 Fear of Being Alone
I think we all might worry that we will end up alone, but it is in the true fear of being without anybody that you stay in whichever current situation suits you.
Stop this – please. I seriously beg you all to reconsider simply settling.
#13 You Believe Them
What do you believe?
Words, again.
These words mean nothing if truths or actions don’t back them up.
Narcissists will happily walk all over you if you keep giving them the benefit of the doubt.
#14 Your Identity is For Sale
Who wants to buy it?
Wait, what do you mean you aren’t selling it?
What you mean is, you aren’t consciously selling it.
But it’s still for sale.
And the narcissist has all the money in the world to shine at you if you sacrifice it.
Don’t allow their shallow strength be the thing that swipes your identity from your hands.
How To Outsmart The Narcissist?
Outsmarting a narcissist might seem like something you would never be able to do.
Think of all those times that toxic person has made you feel small, or even nothing. The idea of outsmarting them won’t come naturally to you, right?
Wrong!
You can absolutely outsmart a narcissist. They won’t see it coming, they won’t see you coming – and it will be a shock to their narcissistic system!
Finding ways to outsmart a narcissist can be fun, and it will put you right back in control of your life.
So, let’s see a show of hands to see who’s with me?
Narcissists: The Truth Behind the Mask
Narcissists!
You’ve likely encountered them at some point in your life, right? That’s why you’re here!
Narcissists walk into a room and act like they own it, even if they’ve just walked into your kitchen. It’s incredibly frustrating.
Masters at creating a toxic air of confidence and superiority, narcissists hide behind their mask. Behind it all? Insecurity and neediness!
You know it well, I’m certain!
Narcissists can be charming and persuasive when they want to be.
They’re also incredibly convincing at it.
But don’t be fooled.
Their charm is a well-rehearsed act designed to get what they want, whether from you or from others.
They thrive on control and manipulation, and will do what it takes to continue this weird game of human chess they are experts at.
Understanding the core of a narcissist is crucial for all of us – especially you.
Beneath all charm and smiles, they are often fragile. They fear their true selves being exposed – and they do all they can so that doesn’t happen.
This fragility makes them dangerous, but it also makes it possible to outsmart them.
Once you know what exactly is lurking behind the mask, you’ll be much better equipped to deal with their toxic tactics.
They Think They’re So Clever!
Narcissists believe they are the smartest person in the world, and nobody else compares even marginally.
They convince themselves of this, and do their best to convince others too.
They use their quote-on-quote “intelligence” to dominate conversations and situations, which only makes others feel inferior. Is this a familiar story to you?
It is to so many people, sadly.
The narcissist has a deep sense of superiority, which acts as a double-edged sword.
Yes, it fuels their confidence and bravado. But also, it makes them vulnerable to being outsmarted. If you think about it, anybody can outsmart them, and it certainly doesn’t take much at all.
Their arrogance blinds them to their own weaknesses, which can backfire on them!
What does this mean? Well, it means the narcissist can sometimes really underestimate others.
Good news for you though – as this overconfidence is where you can find your edge.
Dealing with a narcissist requires more than just holding your ground; it’s about understanding their playbook and using their own tactics against them. They think they’re so clever, but with a little knowledge and strategy, you can turn the tables.
You? Really? …
Yes! Really!
You’re here because you’ve had enough of the narcissist’s mind games, right?
Outsmarting them is now a healthy option for you, and you should definitely do all you can to do it.
If the narcissist is your friend, boss, family member or lover – the time has come to regain control and peace of mind.
You’re so not alone.
Many people struggle with how to handle narcissists effectively.
The key?
Outsmart them!
Let’s get to the good bit…
How to Outsmart a Narcissist
#1 Be Firm – Set Your Boundaries!
Narcissists are known to thrive on pushing limits, no matter who they belong to. Oh yes, expect boundaries to be constantly tested. They will look for your weakness and then exploit them, until now, that is!
The first step in outsmarting a narcissist is to get your boundaries as firm and clear as possible. This means being completely transparent about behavior you will accept, and what behavior you won’t.
Don’t stop short at setting boundaries, you have to enforce them too. When that narcissist attempts to walk all over them, you have to calmly and consistently push back.
Make your language clear – and assertive. No, they won’t like it, but hey, this isn’t about them anymore, is it? The less emotion you apply, the better. After all, narcissists feed off any kind of reaction.
Composure is key, just like consistency.
#2 “Gray Rock”
The gray rock method is such an empowering tool when dealing with any narcissist.
The idea of gray rock is to make yourself as uninteresting and unresponsive as possible.
You might think that sounds easy but it does take a little practice to get it just right.
Remember, narcissists crave drama and seeing you act ‘overly-emotional.’ By being boring and unengaging, you deny them that very satisfaction they seek.
Bingo!
When they try to provoke you, be bland. Be the human equivalent of vanilla.
Avoid showing anger, frustration, excitement – any of it. Over time, they are strongly likely to lose interest in trying to manipulate you because you’re not giving them the fuel they need.
You’ve become so boring!
No…. I am just doing my best to outsmart your attitude…
#3 Deflection – Master It!
Narcissists love to put you on the spot – it’s their attempt to make you feel uncomfortable.
One way to tackle this is to master what I like to call the art of deflection.
Whenever they try to criticize or undermine you, that’s when you redirect the conversation. Ask them a question that shifts the focus back onto them or onto a neutral topic.
I’ll give you an example.
They criticize your decorating work at home (how predictable, right?)
Now you respond with, “Interesting point. What do you think about the weather lately?”
It sounds crazy, but it really throws them off and totally stops them in their tracks.
#4 Information is Preparation!
Ah yes, narcissists will often use misinformation and lies to manipulate everybody else.
You can outsmart them here by being well-informed and prepared. Do your research, re-check facts, and even have evidence to back it all up.
Many people I know have been known to write down information or revert to old texts for screenshots to prove their points.
This will all reduce the narcissist’s ability to use deception against you.
This is all about concrete information – and who can argue with the facts?
#5 Gather Your Support System
It’s not uncommon for narcissists to isolate their victims to assert themselves and gain more control.
You can maintain a strong network of people you love and trust. Seek support from anybody you know who may understand the situation you’re in, and who can provide advice.
Encouragement is also heavily advised here!
Having that crucial support system will help you stay grounded in your reality. When a narcissist is trying their best to get to you, you have people you can rely on to turn to.
Let’s start unlock that potential!
