You’re on a date with the most attractive, magnetic person you’ve met in a very long time.
What could go wrong? You’re having a great time, and for once, you’ve met somebody who is asking you all about you.
What a special feeling.
But wait, there’s a snag in the fabric. As these 14 questions mount up, you realize…
… They’re a narcissist. And they are sizing you up, big time.
#1 “What are your biggest fears?”
Knowing your biggest fears will make it easier for the narcissist to size you up in certain scenarios.
When they know what you fear the most, they will work those very things into your relationship.
That way they can watch you be scared, as well as come along and be the hero by saving you from them.
Do you see how strangely it can work? To be both the hero and the villain at the same time?
#2 “Have you ever been hurt before?”
Getting to know your relationship history will give the narcissist a good idea of how you operate within them, and how much you give yourself away to people who love or care about you.
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They want to know how illing you are to surrender your boundaries, and how much you need saving at this point in time.
Being whatever you need them to be for you will give them a stronger chance to stick around and work their toxicity into your life.
#3 “How many close friends do you have?”
In other words, “How many people do I have to eradicate from your life before I get to have you all by myself?”
Eventually these friends will be your support system, and they will offer relationship advice.
The narcissist is keen to avoid all of that, choosing instead to isolate you from them.
Just how many are there that they need to do that with, though?
#4 “Where do you work?”
Knowing where you work builds an image in the narcissist’s mind about your education, skillset, salary and position within the company.
Are you not successful enough, or are you too successful? They want to know what they’re dealing with, plus get an idea of what you’re taking home every month.
Like it’s any of their business on the first date!
#5 “What do you like about yourself?”
I’ll rephrase that:
What can I chip away at?
What can I criticize so you learn to start hating yourself over time?
Where can I steal your confidence from?
What will make you the most upset when I give you feedback?
Prepare. The more you give away, the more they have to steal from you.
#6 “What do you hate about yourself?”
Ah, here we are. Getting to the point where the narcissist wants to know your weaknesses so they can use them against you when you’re feeling positive or happy.
What a way to ruin your day when you least expect it, by dragging up these points.
This is where the narcissist is furiously making mental notes just so they can always remember what drains you of your ‘self.’
#7 “What’s your relationship with your parents like?”
Very important for the narcissist to know early on. The family dynamics gives them some idea if you were neglected or overly praised in life, and by which parent.
For a narcissist to find the right victim, there usually has to be some family discrepancy somewhere, and it’s their mission to get to the bottom of who and why.
The more you let on, the more they have to use against you.
#8 “Do you own or rent?”
The narcissist is sizing up your finances. What assets do you have that they will be signing up for if you continue this?
You’ll go ahead and reveal where you live, how big your place is and if you own it or not.
They want an idea of what you’re worth, so they can sneak in and demand access to it eventually.
#9 “What are your pet peeves?”
Or should I rephrase that to:
What are the things I can do over time that will really annoy you?
Wouldn’t that be something? Digging away at you for the most vulnerable parts of you so they can turn around and act those things out in real time?
Not cool!
#10 “Dream wedding?”
Dream wedding questions will fill anybody up with a little excitement.
They think I’m marriage material?
They want to ask about one of the biggest days of my life?
They care enough to want to make it right on the day?
Wow, what a compliment this question can sound.
It’s not.
It’s so that they can lock you in and do one of two things.
The first is to give you everything you want so you really feel as though you’ve met your soulmate; the person destined for you forever.
Or…
They can give you everything you don’t want and blame you for being disappointed or ungrateful at what the wedding does turn out like.
#11 “Dream partner?”
Your dream partner will be pulled apart by the narcissist, who will go for it, trust me.
They will mock them, pick apart their talent, character or looks, or even mock you for liking them.
The movies or music they are a part of will start to fade from your life where they once may have played a big role.
Really? They look like they could be your grandfather/ugly brother!
There will be reasons why you wish you never bothered mentioning it at all. ANother part of you faded.
#12 “Best day of your life?”
What one core memory do you go to when you think about your best day ever?
Was it when you got your degree? When you got the job of your dreams? Whatever it may be, the narcissist will zone in on that and chip it away.
Suddenly, they will criticize your work or skill, they will make you feel as though you’re not good enough to warrant that degree. Suddenly your best day ever will become the biggest reason you hate yourself.
#13 “Worst day of your life?”
What happened on the very worst day of your life? Knowing this will help the narcissist know how to immediately dial down your happiness.
The simple yet toxic art of playing a song, or driving past a place that was involved on that day.
Trust me, they will dig so deep that you will never stop becoming surprised at the lengths they go to to trigger your pain.
#14 “What makes you happy?”
The big one, the ultimate question to get you to unlock what you really want from life.
What makes you happy? What do you get out of bed for in the morning? What does your heart beat for? Where does your purpose sit at its most comfortable and alive?
This is where the narcissist will memorize every word, ensuring they know how to topple all those desires, all those moments; the times you smile the biggest and live for.
It’s not supposed to be asked so they can get to know you and help and encourage that happiness.
It’s designed to know exactly what to do to strip it all back and leave you with nothing.
