Narcissistic grandparents don’t deserve to be around your kids. There, I said it.
I want to be clear – I’m not advocating for you to pull your family apart, I’m merely stating the obvious.
Those who are toxic by nature do not get a look in on the innocent people you’re trying hard to raise away from what you tolerated.
It isn’t just a case of allowing a problem to exist within another generation, it’s the witnessing of them game playing, controlling and manipulating the kids you chose to have.
The kids you want to grow up to be normal, happy and confident.
Why let a narcissist take that away? I’ve got 13 reasons not to!
#1 Avoid the generational curse!
You know exactly what I’m talking about, don’t you? The curse that got you where it got you, and the curse that got your narcissistic parent where it got them.
Where did it start? Nobody truly knows the answer to that, but what we do know is how it affected a long line of people throughout time.
And here you are, in the generation you’re in. And you’re having kids. So where does this narcissistic line stop?
Being the one to decide no more is huge, and it does take a lot of courage to get there. The curse of some families is narcissism, and it really only takes one to ruin the dynamics.
So free your kids, and free the curse.
#2 Inevitability of triangulation
It’ll happen sooner or later, and you won’t like it if it starts to pull in your own kids.
The ones you had and know that you want to raise free from toxicity. Except there isn’t that choice if you’re still lurking around the narcissistic parent that you have, because they will triangulate.
Oh, Mommy is such a bore, isn’t she?
Tell Daddy he needs to lighten up!
Your parents should be encouraging you to do what you want in life. I think you should go for it.
Little comments over time, as your kids grow older. And the older they get, the more devastating the triangulation can be.
#3 “Don’t tell your mom…”
I’ve heard of this happening so many times before. Narcissists are renowned for not listening to rules and acting like they have their own secret club with your kids.
More often than not, these secrets will involve things they know they’re not allowed to let your kids do, but they want to look fun.
Only it isn’t fun. It’s damaging, and it breaks not only boundaries, but trust.
And yes, it’ll be your fault when you complain about it. But no grandparent should be manipulating their grandkids this way.
Not ever.
#4 Criticism 2.0
And so it rears its ugly head all over again. Criticism is probably something you dealt with on a daily basis growing up, even from the moment you were able to sit up as a baby.
Now’s the time you’ve got your own little ones, and the fact of the matter is, they’re going to be in for much of the same treatment.
You know how it affected you, so now you get to see it happen all over again…
…Unless of course, you choose not to.
This is your choice – but make it a wise one!
#5 Hot and cold
Victims admit that the hot and cold nature of their narcissistic parent was what felt the most damaging to them.
Never knowing where you really stand with the people who are meant to look out for you can be crippling, but what makes it worse is seeing that projected back onto your kids in another round of Generational Trauma.
It can be prevented by keeping your kids away from them as much as possible. Trust me when I say your kids will thank you later for it.
#6 High expectations alert!
You recall what it was once like to constantly try to please your narcissistic parent, only to realize that it’s quite literally impossible.
They had such high expectations of you that nothing you ever did was good enough, and even when you gave perfect results, they still found fault.
Now apply that to your own kids. You’d never put them through the same, would you?
So why leave them at the mercy of that same narcissistic parent who brought you misery?
#7 Non-existent boundaries
They didn’t exist for you, what makes you think they will exist for your kids?
To narcissists, everybody is less important than them. That includes you, and your kids – their grandkids – too.
If there is a person available to walk over, the narcissist is guaranteed to lace up their hiking boots and get started as soon as possible.
As kids aren’t always the best with boundaries, you yourself will need to step in.
Or… keep your kids away from them altogether.
#8 Drama at a young age? No thanks
Nobody needs drama. It’s pointless and a waste of time and energy, but wait, narcissists don’t care about that! Where there is another robason, there is an opportunity to stir trouble.
The sickest thing is that they will use their grandkids to create it!
Just when you think they couldn’t stoop any lower.
#9 Taking over the rulebook
You’re the parent now, but they still see you as a little child they can control and throw rules at.
Furthermore, as your kids are extensions of you in their eyes, they feel the same applies to them, too.
And the rules? Well, they’re changed constantly to suit. Suddenly even more people are expected to dance to the tune of the pied piper, when it should be you making rules that are meant to help your kids grow, instead of keeping them stunted.
#10 Stress and pressure
Two things I think we can all agree we could do without as much as possible, right?
Life is hard enough without having to resort to feeling like your world is constantly being pulled apart.
Keeping your kids away from.narcissistic grandparents will solve that immensely. It feels like a breath of light air entering a dark, thick room.
#11 They end up dreading it? Prevent it!
I don’t want to go to Grandma’s!
Please don’t make us see Grandpa. He’s so unkind.
For those who say, “Come on, they’re your grandparents,” I don’t solely blame you. It’s habitual and you want to keep the peace.
But are you really keeping the peace?
If your kids don’t want to see their grandparents for strong reasons that don’t involve wanting to stay on their gaming machine, dig. Dig and find out why. It’s your duty.
#12 Not worth the tears
Why should anybody have to get so upset at all the chaos that circles a relationship between your narcissistic parent and your kids?
The worry, the tension, the tears; just not worth it, I promise you that.
Having a healthy relationship with your kids should take top priority at all times.
#13 Zero trust
That’s what it all comes down to, isn’t it?
There’s no trust. There’s no reassurance. All that exists is a repeat of what you had to endure. Is that fair?
It’s not fair to you or your kids. But you hold the controls, here.
