When you first meet and fall in love with somebody, you never expect them to turn out to be a narcissist.
You expect even less that they will end up taking things from you that you will never get back.
But sadly, they do. And they have no conscience about it, either.
What you have to remember is this:
Whatever they take that you can’t get back, you can learn from it and build your identity back.
With time and patience or yourself, anything is possible.
Here are 13 things narcissists take from you that you’ll never get back.
When The Narcissist Takes
Narcissists are famous for taking from you, and some of the things they take you are able to get back – if you’re lucky.
As impossible as it may seem at the time you feel you have nothing at all, you can pull back any confidence or self-esteem that they stole.
It can take time, but the measure of your worth will soon be more about you than it is them, and when that day comes, you can build your life back.
Then there are other things that you just can never get back, no matter how hard you try.
That’s where things can get a lot more difficult for you.
#1 The Old You
The old you was a version of you that attracted the narcissist. They looked for somebody who was nice and charming, and who wanted to listen to you.
You told them your hopes, your fears, and everything that makes you vulnerable. You were asked about your triggers, and what makes you sad or happy.
All the while these questions were being fired your way, the narcissist was taking notes. They were making sure they knew you all the way through to your bones.
The old you was forgiving and tolerant of their treatment of you. That person would smile and nod, and do what they could to meet those moving goalposts (never with any actual luck).
But now the tide has started to turn, hasn’t it? You no longer feel like being so kind where your kindness is trampled on and ruined beyond repair.
They don’t deserve it, and you don’t deserve that treatment.
The old you may have gone, and you’re never going to get that person back.
But if I can offer you a slice of reassurance, the newer you who is coming to understand narcissism will be the better version.
Don’t mistake the scars you carry for weights. They’re not.
#2 Your Belief in Them
It existed once, didn’t it?
It was strong, and it was insistent that it was right. But now, here you are, with all belief drained.
Here’s something important that I want you to remember:
Your belief in them was valid. You set out to see only the best in the people you fall for, and you gave them a chance to prove their loyalty to you, which they initially did.
Everything else that happened after that was riding on the wave of love.
Love is a hard habit to break as we often lead with our heart and not our head.
In times like this, the heart is only going to lead us deeper into that abusive relationship.
You shouldn’t punish yourself for believing in what the narcissist said. They said those things to keep you close, and to make sure you never left.
You won’t get that back, nor should you want to.
#3 The Love You Felt When You First Met
Nothing will replicate the feeling you had inside when you first met the narcissist.
Unlike nothing else you’ve ever felt, you’ll wish you could bottle it and release it whenever you need that surge of dopamine.
The narcissist took your love from you, like a thief in the night. They don’t care, they just wanted it for themselves, never to return it to you.
#4 Your Trust
Once trust is broken, it can never fully come back. I know many people make relationships work, but it is all down to what the individual wants, and how remorseful the person who did the hurting is.
Narcissists will never show remorse, so that trust they broke will never be earned back. That’s beneath them.
You entered the relationship with a good honest heart. This wasn’t your fault.
#5 Items
Let’s not forget the literal things here.
Stuff!
If you notice your items going missing, and the narcissist wants to keep them, never expect them back.
Not ever.
#6 Money
The same goes for money.
Can I borrow…
I just need…
I promise I’ll…
No. No to all of it. And if you think their sweet smile is enough to persuade you to hand over your hard-earned cash, you can think again.
#7 Your Reputation
This is partially true, but damaging nonetheless. Seeing your reputation fly out of the window is going to be hard, but it can only be partially returned.
Some people will just believe the narcissist’s every word, and there’s nothing you can do about it.
#8 Friends
Just like that, your friends distance themselves from you. They learn the incorrect truth from a person intent on hurting you, that they no longer want to spend time with, or trust you.
It’s difficult, but this is standard narcissistic behavior.
#9 Time
Time can never be returned, even if we are crying out to get it back. It’s one thing you just have to come to terms with.
Trust that the time the narcissist took was a moment of your life where you learned a lot of lessons.
Resentment only wastes more of it.
#10 Emotional Investment
You tried and tried, and you put your whole heart into believing the relationship had a solid future. I get it. I know it’s a wake-up call when it all runs down the drain.
And you feel drained, too. All that energy just disappeared. And where was even a fraction of it for you?
That can change, though. It’s never too late to love yourself.
#11 Savings
Narcissists have a great way of looking at your savings as an opportunity to burn it all up.
Life is short.
Let’s take the money out and do something fun.
Have an adventure with me!
Or not?
If your savings have gone, the only thing you can do now is start saving again.
#12 Mental Health
You will feel better in time, and your mental health will improve, but it will never be the same as it was before you met. Who’s to say it was even great back then?
Start paying attention to your well being and live in ways that reduce stress, and increase joy.
#13 Your Supply
When you love somebody, you’ll do whatever it takes to make them feel happy, even at the cost of yourself.
Your supply was so valuable to them, but like any fuel, eventually it runs out.
Time will provide you with a new lease of life that you can keep for yourself, and share with the right person some day.
