That’s it. Enough is enough. You’ve learned to put up with them for so long, and the time has come where you want to take a stand and speak all the thoughts that are stuck in your mind.
The narcissist is finally in your metaphoric firing line, you’re ready to have it out with them.
You confront them – long overdue – but oh, wait…
…You quickly discover that confrontation was a total waste of time.
But why?
I’ve got 13 reasons to help you out.
Your Time is Precious
I know you want to be able to spend it wisely, but there’s not going to be much of that all the while the narcissist is around.
What you see as precious, they have no problem wasting and making you feel worse than you’ve ever felt before.
#1 They Don’t Listen
Whenever you get the notion to confront a narcissist, there’s going to be times where what you’re saying will completely fall onto deaf ears.
They don’t want to hear what you have to say if it’s of no use to them, and half the time they decide to ignore you is due to the fact that they think you’ll somehow go away if they refuse to tune in.
Is it any different to all the other times you try to talk to them? They never listen anyway.
#2 You Won’t Feel Better
Victims of narcissistic abuse always think that there will be improvements when they speak to their narcissist.
They try hard to think up ways to get their point across, and it can feel like a long time of trying to pre-empt a conversation and how it will go.
And so you do it. You try to talk, and you speak up about an issue that’s bothered you for a long time.
Listen – whatever answer you get, and whatever mood that comes with – it’s not going to make you feel better.
You won’t get that, “Wow, this was really worth putting myself out there for.”
It will never be worth it, because you won’t feel the post-conversation relief that you should feel.
#3 They Will Deny
What are you saying?
I don’t even know what you’re talking about.
You’re not making any sense.
That never happened.
The denial from the narcissist will be strong. Remember, that’s what they’re used to doing, and it’s how they defend themselves.
It won’t be any different as you try to confront them.
#4 Wait For Revenge
Because I am telling you now, that revenge will come.
Confronting any narcissist is far from risk-free, and as you lay it all out on the line, they’re going to make you somehow pay for it.
Revenge can be anything from the silent treatment, to shouting, to physical abuse, to spreading lies or gossip about you.
I know it sounds dramatic, but remember who we’re talking about here. We are discussing some of the most dramatic people around.
It makes perfect sense that they will try to throw some of that on you.
#5 People You Love Will Disappear
Your words to the narcissist will be converted into terrible rumors about you.
I felt verbally attacked.
They were so aggressive.
They’ve got me so wrong.
I don’t know what else I can do.
They seemed so nice at first.
All it takes is a few seeds to be planted in order for the people you love and trust to think differently about you.
And trust me when I say that it will be with as many people as the narcissist can find and manipulate.
#6 Prepare For the Rage
Any narcissist should wear a T-shirt that says, My Rage is All The Rage. In a narcissist’s world, it really is what they’re famous for. And it’s sadly you who is going to bear the brunt of it.
I don’t want that for you, so it has to be on this list of reasons why confronting them is a complete waste of time.
They rage for one reason:
You upset them.
Now don’t get me wrong, you can upset them for a million reasons, but this is one of the strongest ways to do that.
You’re onto them. That rage is panic in disguise. They can’t panic, because they know you’ll realize that you’re right.
Instead, they cover their fear by reasserting their power over you.
Rage is the way to do that effectively.
#7 Projecting Back To You
If you’re going to confront them about something, prepare for projection.
Projection phrases can look like:
You’ve got some nerve accusing me, when it’s all you!
You’re confronting me about this when it was you who did it?!
Well perhaps I wouldn’t need to be accused if you were as honest as you say you are.
Whatever it is – it’s your fault.
#8 Energy Better Used For You
It takes a lot to confront a narcissist. I’ve seen how it affects others, and to be completely transparent, that energy could be much better used on you.
Be kind to yourself, put it toward a goal you have. Take some time for yourself.
Don’t let the narcissist suck the life out of you because when they do, you’re never going to get it back.
#9 More Lies Coming Your Way
When you confront them with what you know the truth is, prepare for lies to fly back at you faster than the speed of light.
It really is just an excuse for the narcissist to throw what they can your way desperately, and it’s a very predictable way to corner you needlessly.
#10 Long-Term Conflict
Any confrontation on this scale is an invitation for long-term conflict. Nothing will get resolved all the while you have that kind of courage, and remain around the narcissist.
They will instantly know you’re not a pushover anymore, and on top of that, they know there’s less power within them when around you.
It’ll only lead to more trouble.
#11 Shaming You For Your Opinion
Would you listen to yourself?
How do you sleep at night being so crass?
The narcissist can and will lead you into a pit of shame as soon as you try to shine the truth in their eyes.
You can understand how much they’re trying to make you crumble when you feel shamed for merely having an opinion.
#12 Gaslighting: What Are You Talking About?
Are you confused?
Are you imagining things?
Are you being dramatic?
Are you feeling extra-sensitive today?
Be prepared for your own reality to be deleted in real time the second you dare step forward and speak directly to the narcissist.
They are prepared for you at all times, and this is no exception.
It Won’t Change Them
And here we are, what this is really all about.
It doesn’t matter what you say, or why you’re trying to say it.
Nothing is going to change.
The narcissist will always be a narcissist. And I know you want to say something to try to make a difference, but it really won’t.
