I know that a really charming person might seem like a good one to get to know and fall in love with, but is that charm genuine, or is it a ploy to reel you in?
With narcissists, you will be offered their best work, after all, they zone in on victims like a fly to honey.
But I’m here to remind you that a narcissistic relationship is the worst kind of relationship you can possibly enter into. And here are 13 reasons why.
#1 They are addictive
When all is said and done, we know that addictions aren’t healthy.
We might joke about being addicted to chocolate, or even a certain band you might love to listen to, but the addiction to a toxic relationship is far, far worse for you.
When you’re experiencing such hot and cold treatment of you.
When you’re being pulled into a cycle of abuse where you’re constantly waiting for those highs to rise, to the point where you will tolerate the lowest low – there’s trouble.
Long term, this addiction will create a user. If you’re using the relationship to ride the wave of addiction, then your focus isn’t to maintain something consistent or healthy.
#2 They break you emotionally
There’s no worse emotional pain than having to tolerate a narcissist for any length of time. They will cause you to crack and that break will take a lot of time to heal.
From manipulating you into thinking the way they do, to giving up your job, your friends, your hobbies, your freedom, your sense of pride in yourself, your confidence, they will break you down and make you forget who you are.
There’s nothing even remotely good about that.
#3 You lose yourself in them
When a person becomes too fixated on wanting to please the person they’re with, they will do that to the point where they lose who they are totally.
That need to want to put the narcissist first is a brew for trouble, and when you no longer know who you are, that makes it so much easier for a narcissist to mold you just how they want you.
And you will comply, because your lack of inner direction feels like it’s being finally led to a place you can recognize.
#4 You become fearful instead of fearless
Why is all this fear rising up inside of you? Why are you suddenly so scared of the things you once loved to do, or even did without giving them a second thought?
Could it be that you’ve been manipulated into being less independent, and more dependent on the narcissist? You listen to what they tell you about yourself and you believe it all?
Narcissists want you fearful, so they can ‘save the day’ and then criticise you for being too much of a wimp.
#5 You lose your independence
One of the worst things about a narcissistic relationship is how narcissists take your independence away.
They struggle with how you manage to do things and live without them, so they convince you that you don’t need that job, and you don’t need to drive so much.
Soon enough, you’re stuck at home, asking them to do things for you, which in turn they will equally hate and speak up about.
Nothing that you do will be right.
#6 You forget reality
Being stripped of your reality is one of the worst things that can ever happen to you, mostly because you don’t even realize it’s happening until you’re a fair way down the road.
You just ‘change,’ and no single moment will capture the fact that you have, but rather an accumulation of mistreatments that lead to the moment you don’t know what to think or believe.
And where does it all stem from?
The narcissist.
#7 Your confidence is erased
With no time to debate this huge loss of your character, the narcissist will swoop in and erase your confidence, stealing fragments of the things that make you stand tall and hold your head high.
They will berate you, convince you that you aren’t clever enough, hold you accountable for mistakes made, keep you always in their line of fire.
And you will watch your confidence fade away until it turns to mist.
#8 You see it as a bar for love
A big mistake is seeing any narcissistic relationship as the bar set for love.
Is this it?
Is this love?
Does it get better?
The person you’re with should fill your world with a presence that makes it better, not worse.
You should have your room to grow in their life, and be encouraged to seek your wildest dreams. Laugh together, live together, grieve together, and all of the rest of the good and bad.
The reliance upon needing that should not be up for debate.
The bar for love is not as low as the bar you’ve experienced.
#9 You see it as a bar for standards
The same for standards. How you’re treated, and what you expect on those important days like your birthday or the Holidays.
They shouldn’t be filled with chaos. There should be no drama.
You should enjoy anniversaries and vacations, not feel nauseous knowing something negative will change and shape it.
#10 It prevents you from fully trusting again
When you eventually find somebody new, there’s every chance and hope they will be a healthy person who is ready to love you and care for you.
Regulated emotions.
But there’s a part of you unable to trust what they’re offering, and who they present as.
This is a sad place to be, because you limit your chances of future happiness with somebody authentically good for you.
#11 The triggers are hard to shake
No matter where life takes you, you will always be reminded of the things that send your nervous system into a spin.
From a joke aimed at you, to a critical comment; they will all divert back to the past where you had to endure these types of statements time and time again.
You want to move on from them, but they hit you so hard that you find it almost impossible to shake them.
#12 You’re constantly hypervigilant
What was that noise?
What mood will they be in?
Who will say something about me?
Will they be proud?
Will they raise their voice at me?
You can think yourself into a panicked state if you allow it, but in all truth, you will always be looking for moments that have the potential to escalate or cause you to feel fear.
#13 You don’t think you’re good enough for anybody else
Probably because you were told you’d never measure up to be anybody else’s dream person.
Why?
Because the narcissist never wanted you to leave them. At the time, you took this insult as real, and that nobody else will ever love you.
Imagine the kind of pain and insecurity that causes a person?
Narcissists always want you to feel about as bad as you can possibly feel, but they do it to purposely hurt you, and not because what they say has any honesty attached to it.
