When your house is your home, you want everybody in it to feel safe and secure, right?
It’s natural to want to take care of yourself kids, too, especially if you share that house with a narcissist.
To save them from the chaos, there has to be rules. Those rules make all the difference in the world to the dynamics, the openness, and the attitudes of those you raise.
Here are 11 of them that can save a kid from their narcissistic parent’s chase.
Trust me – this is a huge issue.
#1 Feelings are always valid
When you’re raised in a house with a narcissistic parent, your feelings may not have always been recognised, let alone validated.
Feeling low or worried will have usually been met with, “Stop it or I will really give you something to worry about.
What’s the problem? You’ve got a great life. You need to get out more.”
Feeling happy or excited will have the narcissist reaching for, “Calm down, you’re acting way too over the top.”
Nothing was ever met with compassion, so save your own kids from that by allowing how they feel to manifest naturally.
Let them know that it’s okay to sit with emotions and acknowledge them without guilt or shame.
#2 Nobody is allowed to yell to get their own way
What good does yelling do? I see parents in the street with crying children, yelling at them to stop crying.
You know what happens every single time? They cry harder!
Noise cannot produce calm. Only calm can do that.
So if a child wants their own way, teaching them that they can get it by yelling will only make them raise their voices until what they want is in their possession.
It’s up to you to not back down.
#3 It’s okay to say no, even to adults
Adults don’t have the authority to demand a yes from their kids every time.
In fact, if you tell them it’s okay to say no, they’re teaching themselves that no has a meaning.
Growing up, that will say a lot for any child who deems no a cuss word, like most narcissists do.
Feeling comfortable saying no will mean the child makes no apologies to any adult when they say it.
After all, being a people-pleaser really is the top characterstic of a person likely to get tucked up by a narcissist.
No is a full sentence, and it deserves respect.
#4 Secrets that make you feel scared or bad are never okay
When you have friends who want to share secrets with you, it’s respectful to hold onto it.
In childhood that could be a crush, or that they peeked and saw what they’re getting for a birthday.
In adulthood that could mean news of a pregnancy or job offer. Whatever it is, secrets can be safe and exciting or fun.
Any secret that makes you feel scared or uncomfortable is never okay, and it’s wise to let your kids know this is the case.
Sometimes they feel too fearful to speak up to a safe adult, or they think it’s normal to have to sit in silence at times. It’s not.
As narcissists are so clever at doing this, it’ll be a house rule you should be keen to implement.
#5 Respect comes from listening, not controlling
Respect needs to be modelled in order for it to be fully learned. If a narcissist is a parent, you’re half as likely to learn it unless you have an amazing other parent. That can be you.
As narcissistic parents try to control every aspect of their kids’ lives, this shouldn’t be met with respect, even though they will command it.
There’s nothing to respect. They want to make all the rules, make all the kids choices? Alter their opinions to suit their own narrative?
That’s not cool. Respect comes from being able to listen to your kids and who they’re growing to be, not who you want them to be.
#6 We tell the truth, even if it’s hard
The truth may not always be a good thing to hear, but when you hear it, you can work with it much easier than if you were to base an entire conversation on lies.
I think that’s why it’s important to teach kids that the truth is a far more respectable way to open the doors of opportunity to connect and communicate properly.
Nobody appreciates a lie, and if you have to do so, you’re likely to have the rest of what you’re building on it crumble.
#7 Competing for love is banned
Nobody should be going from one parent to another to try to compete for love. In fact, no child should be doing this at all.
What does it say about the person who is giving it? That you have to one up the other parent in order to get the love you want? Absolutely not.
We love, and love the same, and that’s all there is to it.
What a world to be stuck in if you constantly feel you have to earn such a basic human right from the people who brought you into this world.
#8 Apologies have to be authentic
They have to mean something, otherwise what’s the point in saying them?
You have to remember that apologies only come when a person has been hurt, and the other person wants to make it right.
If you’re saying sorry without meaning it or coming across as authentic, then the person receiving it won’t feel any better.
And what they’re apologizing for is likely to happen all over gain at some point.
#9 Connection matters
Every day there should be a moment where the family comes together to connect. Talk about their days, what’s been going on, how they feel.
This should be a safe, nurturing time for parents to reach out and check on their kids and keep that loop of communication open. That’s how loving environments are created.
#10 You can ask anything
Nothing is off limits! Why should it be in a house where you’re trying to raise good kids to not be like their narcissistic parent?
Anything goes, and if they’re asking you anything, it means you’re the safe space they’re coming to. That in itself is a huge compliment and testament to your parenting.
Kids don’t go to adults they don’t feel safe and secure around, nor do they go to parents where they fear the answer they’ll get.
#11 No name-calling, even if it’s a ‘joke’
There’s no need to be calling anybody a name at all, even under the tired guise that it’s a joke.
Let’s not normalize such terrible behavior, and that terrible behavior should be then cut in the bud and refused access to grow.
Growing up with a narcissistic parent is so chaotic, victims could hugely do without the name calling, don’t you think?
Learning that it isn’t okay to throw names around teaches the basic foundations of respect, which let’s be fair, narcissists don’t possess one single bit.
#12 No name-calling
Who is calling names? They shouldn’t be! This stretches a little past names, and also refers to labels, too.
You’re so lazy!
Why are you always so average at school?
You’re just too sensitive for my liking.
These words and phrases hurt, and no parent should be pointing fingers making their child feel bad for being who they are in that particular moment.
#13 Respect privacy
Especially when it comes to bedrooms! Knock before you enter, Stop trying to reach out and find personal belongings to rifle through, including journals!
Everybody has the right to privacy, including kids. This house rule will help instill boundaries that everybody – including the narcissist – should honor.
