Yes, even narcissists can have kids. It’s the sad reality we live in, and I am sure it is the lived experience for so many of you.
This is not just about narcissistic partners. Often the abuse starts at a much earlier age, and if that was you, then I am sorry for what you had to tolerate.
Narcissists do such heartbreaking things to their kids, and I want to show you 13 things they are responsible for.
Maybe you were that kid once, and maybe it will all start to make sense soon.
#1 Remove all confidence
It’s a parent’s job to build their kids up, encourage them, give them hope and inspiration, and show them that they’re capable of not only having dreams, but following them.
Narcissists are free to have kids, and those kids are usually treated in complete contrast to what I just described.
Instead, all confidence is removed through years of belittling, bullying, blowing hot and cold, criticizing or plain neglecting their kids’ needs.
It’s no wonder the majority grow into adults who don’t believe in themselves.
#2 Inject them with self-doubt
Are you sure you’re able to do that?
It seems a little beyond your abilities, don’t you think?
Why didn’t you make that pass in the game? Because you didn’t see the opportunity!
I don’t think you’d be able to do it.
It’s nice to have dreams, but that’s exactly how they should stay.
It’s little comments that mean a lot, and when you’re getting the wrong kinds of comments, you become somebody you didn’t want to be.
#3 Clip their reality
Don’t assume that narcissistic parents can’t gaslight their kids, because they can, and they do it all the time.
Calm down, nothing to get excited about.
Be quiet, you’re making too much noise.
You’re so sensitive, I was just kidding!
No, it didn’t happen that way and you know it.
Kids are great tools for narcissists to manipulate due to their age, and that’s the heartbreaking reality for so many young ones out there right now.
#4 Cause anxiety
Anxiety stems from the unknown, the fear of the future, and making assumptions that are usually overblown or irrational.
Why? Because kids of narcissistic parents grew up never knowing what was going to happen next.
They lived in an inconsistent home with inconsistent moods, and learned quickly to walk on eggshells and assume the worst will always happen.
The saddest part is, sometimes that worst did happen. This only fuels anxiety more and more.
#5 Make their kids feel unworthy
When you neglect the very person you are supposed to care for and love unconditionally, it will forever leave a mark on that child.
Even if you heal from it in adult life, it will still be a scar you carry and wear.
If you think you aren’t worthy enough for that job promotion, it will come from a palace in your childhood where you were made to feel similar. Was a narcissistic parent responsible? I’d say so.
#6 Ignore their achievements
When you do something well and you want validation and praise from your narcissistic parent, you aren’t going to get it.
If you score 94 in a text, they will ask why it wasn’t 100. If you come home celebrating a win of some sort, they will act like you don’t exist.
Playing into your happiness puts you on the very pedestal they’ve built their own home on.
#7 Mock or yell when they ‘fail’
I don’t believe in failure, I just believe in opportunities to learn. Want to know why? Because that was what I was taught every time something I tried didn’t go the way I’d hoped.
What use is yelling? What use is mocking? How can anybody possibly think it achieves anything, namely parents with small kids who are looking to them for encouragement and inspiration?
Parents should be leading, but narcissistic parents only know how to pull their children apart and show them how much of a ‘failure’ they are.
It breaks my heart to even think about it.
#8 Refuse to let them grow up
Kids get older, and eventually they become adults with rights, too. This is all part of being human, isn’t it? Well, not if you’re a narcissistic parent.
There seems to be a common refusal to allow your kids to grow up when it comes to them, and that can have a very heartbreaking effect on the growth of a person who is trying to make their way into the world.
Desperate to clutch onto control, the refusal to let go can cause so much friction that children of narcissists feel they have no other choice but to lessen or cut contact.
#9 Take away their independence
You can always look to a narcissistic parent to take away every opportunity for their kids to be independent.
Always pushing their agenda that they’re needed and always will be onto them, they make it very difficult for their kids to rely on themselves, for both emotional, physical or practical support in life.
Narcissists just love to be top dog, and unfortunately you won’t find them liking to loosen those reins.
#10 Sabotage their success
Whatever good things you’ve got going on as a kid, you can count on a narcissistic parent to sabotage it.
They will drop you off late for your test.
They will fail to show up when they promised to at your shows.
They will remind you that you didn’t get full marks.
They will create drama when you get your first job, rather than congratulate you.
It’s all done to bring you down and weigh heavy on your heart, and that weight can last a lifetime.
#11 Blame them when the time suits
If there’s an opportunity to blame their kid, a narcissist will gladly do it.
They aren’t bothered that this is their child; they just want the flak to be off them and duck out of the way of blame.
You’ve got to question the sanity of any person who finds this type of behavior so easy.
#12 Pit them against each other
Children of narcissists are often pitted together, and this usually causes conflict or full fallout over adult years.
On one side, you have the scapegoat, the child who is always blamed and treated like the black sheep for having a voice and using it honestly.
Then you have the golden child who can do no wrong. The narcissist hates to see them getting along, so will create and stir lies between them to fuel hate.
It’s so needless, but it happens all the time.
#13 Turn them against the other parent
In an even bigger twist of the toxic knife, narcissists will do whatever it takes to turn their kids against the other parent.
This is particularly common with parents who have separated, as they vie to be the favorite parent.
Comments, lies, smears and little damaging seeds can be planted in the minds of kids who really just want to live a life of peace and love.
This is cruelly stripped of them, as their narcissistic parents make it their mission to divide and conquer.
