If you were looking for cheer and togetherness during the Holidays, I wouldn’t count on it if you have a narcissist in your life.
They make even the most celebratory, beautiful occasions hell on earth just by being themselves.
And trust me when I say, it can get very disturbing.
I want to raise your attention to it with all the Holidays we have coming up in the hope that you can at least be a step ahead of their toxicity. So let’s get into it.
#1 Emotionally isolate you
Emotional isolation is where a narcissist will get you into a mental state that makes you feel as though you’re all alone.
Imagine you’re driving to the big family event that rolls around every year, and they use that opportunity to yell at you and tell you how useless you are.
Then you get to the front door and have to knock and smile and act like it never happened.
That is emotional isolation. Everyone is happy and full of festive joy, and you are left having to paint it all on.
#2 Call you out for all the wrong you did through the year
What an opportunity to not be thankful, right? The narcissist flips out their imaginative notebook, and starts reeling off all the wrong you did.
Remember when you lost my car keys last May?
What about when you refused to come to my work dinner with me because you said you were sick?
You’ve had all year to get your cooking skills together and you still produce slop.
It’s all coming out now, and at a time where there is supposed to be happiness and laughter.
The narcissist doesn’t want that for you.
#3 Poison people you love against you
I didn’t want to tell you this, but she’s been really hard work this year.
I know she’s your daughter and you love her, but I find her to have less and less patience with me.
I don’t know, but I think he’s being unfaithful. Do you know anything about it?
All these little seeds narcissists can plant in your loved ones minds to make you look like a terrible person can only happen when you get together.
There’s enough of you around for conversations like this to filter off and not be heard clearly.
It’s the narcissist’s dream.
#4 Try to make you cancel plans
Do we really have to go?
We do this every year.
Can’t we stay home this year?
Why don’t we go on vacation instead?
Your plans that you love and do (and share with the narcissist’s family) are in threat of being cancelled, and if the narcissist has their way, you will be all alone.
#5 Tell you that you’re eating too much
What a cruel way for you to feel miserable during the Holidays.
Forgive me, and I’m not somebody who eats day in day out 365, but the Holidays are for indulgence.
That yummy chocolate, all that cheese, even some nice meats or snacks. This is what it’s all about!
Until that is, the narcissist comes along and claims that you are overdoing it, just because they love to control both your mood and food intake where possible.
#6 Mock you for enjoying the festivities
What is wrong with these people? Why would anybody mock another person for loving the Holidays?
Oh my God, you are so sad.
Why are they so obsessed with lights? Are you five?
“Oooh look at me, I am baking cookies.”
You want to tell them to stop, but you know your reaction will only please them more.
Rather than that, you tolerate it, and dial down on your joy to try to make them stop.
And that’s exactly at the point where they’ve won.
#7 Give you the silent treatment for no reason
What’s more disturbing than the silent treatment? And for what? I’ll tell you.
It’s because you’ve found something to be happy about that isn’t them, and they hate you for it.
They also hate the Holidays for it, so giving any form of silent treatment will add to your anxiety, making you feel like the Holidays should be more dreaded than loved.
What a shame, right?
#8 Have a problem with everything you do
Why are you baking this late?
Why do we need extra potatoes?
Stop putting yourself out there for people who don’t care about you.
Turn this music off, I am sick to my stomach of it.
Oh great, another package is arriving today.
Is there anything you can do that they will approve of?
You know, as disturbing as this may be, who cares if they approve or not?
Put that music on. Bake at 2am. Put on your Holiday sweater and OWN YOUR HAPPINESS.
#9 Speak on your behalf in front of everybody
The more vocal the narcissist gets, the more frustrating it can be for you, and trust me, I know from experience.
You’re in the middle of explaining something, and the narcissist will jump right in and take over the entire conversation.
Not because they are overly excited, but because they just love using the Holidays as an excuse to make a bold entrance into the lives of those they only see once a year.
#10 Try and look generous and loving
Oh, look who came with all the best, most expensive presents for everybody! Look who is showing up with that hugely expensive bottle of champagne!
You guessed it … the narcissist.
When you get to see the tight-fisted, moany, jealous, toxic person all year, and on the Holidays you see this total flip side to them, it can be so hard to bite your tongue.
Everybody is so full of cheer and thanks for such generosity, but all you can think of is the drive home where they do nothing but moan.
#11 Want approval by showing up in a new car or clothes
Wow, is that your new car?
Look at you! You look so dapper!
Well, the rich life suits you!
People naturally associate a well put together and glamorous person as being a success.
That success can often be thought of as kindness; an admirable man or woman who likes to take care of themselves.
And yeah, then we are led to approval, without even being conscious that we’re approving anything.
Narcissists make these grand entrances, and spend half the year planning it down to the finest detail.
For me, it’s more of an eye-roll moment. I don’t buy any of it, and neither should you.
#12 Brag about their promotion to everybody
Did I tell you I got that promotion?
I knew they’d pick me.
They’d be stupid not to.
It’s an extra $75,000 a year, plus a bonus at Christmas.
Okay, okay. I’ll stop before I send you to sleep.
But I am afraid this is the reality of narcissists around the Holidays.
They can’t let the occasion go by without showing off their job news just to put everybody else to shame.
Let me tell you. They don’t have to do that. Smile and move on to another conversation, because they are not that special.
