As hard as it might be to face the truth, narcissists never did care about you, and they never will.
If that didn’t hurt enough, the reasons behind this can get so bizarre that you end up feeling like you’re going crazy.
You’re not. This is just the way all narcissists operate. They don’t give a f..k. Here are 13 reasons why.
#1 Assuming they will ‘care?’
I think that’s the first huge mistake people make when they live with an abuser.
You’re expecting them to care like a normal person, when in reality, they’re so far removed from normal it’s not even fathomable.
It’s not wrong to want people to care. It’s not your fault that they don’t care, either.
But narcissists can’t care, because it isn’t in their nature to.
Caring would mean thinking about you and considering your feelings, and none of that happens when you are involved with somebody who is abusive.
#2 They have an end goal
All narcissists think about from the moment they meet you is what they can get from you, how best you can serve them, and what their end goal is with you.
Are you somebody who has something they want? Are you financially well off?
Do you have good connections? Are you seen as somebody who would make a fine wife and mother?
The goal is to abuse that, and show the world that they must be a good person if you’re with them.
#3 You’re no different to anybody else
I know you wish you stood out in the eyes of the narcissist, but you don’t. To them, you’re just like everybody else, and you play the role they want you to play.
Whether you are with them and in a relationship, or a supposed friend, you won’t be given the special treatment because nobody gets it.
That just proves they don’t give a f..k about you.
#4 They aren’t emotionally regulated at all
Wanting to be cared about means you are looking for a certain type of person to love and care for you.
To love somebody means you have to build a strong connection with them and that involves having a healthy dose of emotional regularity.
Knowing when to listen, knowing when to speak, knowing when your partner needs support, and knowing when to be vulnerable.
Leaning into it all and being okay with that just doesn’t happen with narcissists.
It doesn’t matter how much they claim to care about you, they just can’t with this starvation of regulation.
#5 They honestly think they’re the victim
In the eyes of the narcissist, why should they care about you when they should be (and everybody else, too) caring about themselves?
They will never not be the victim, in literally any circumstance you throw their way.
They want all the sympathy, all the attention and all the glory, even when you need it the most.
#6 They can’t be seen to be vulnerable
Vulnerability is a huge no-no for narcissists, who thrive on control and power.
Showing their feelings to them is a sign of weakness, and weakness is seen as a sign of imperfection.
They would never risk the image they’ve spent so long trying to build by attempting vulnerability with you, it would just never happen.
#7 Caring comes with consequences
…Consequences that a narcissist hates, like getting tied up with you emotionally, or having to be somebody you grow to count on because you know they care about you.
Narcissists see that kind of commitment and run. They don’t want to mean that much to you, as those kinds of consequences leave them looking like weak people at the mercy of love.
Newsflash to the narcissist: There is so much in the world bigger than you.
#8 “Me, me, me”
If you think you are the sun and the entire world must revolve around you, then you’re never going to give a f..k about anybody else but yourself.
And those who orbit around you will be as small and insignificant as a grain of sand on a beach.
And you can try to change them, try to prove that your life has meaning, try to show them how much vibrance you exude, but they’ll never see it as their own aura is shining too strongly.
#9 Energy not wanting to be wasted
Any energy the narcissist has is so precious, that the only reason they will waste it is on themselves.
So don’t think of you as a good enough reason for them to turn their head and suddenly want to give you the time of day, because nothing you do will work.
You can draw blood, sweat and tears, and the narcissist still won’t look twice if you were on fire and screaming for water.
#10 Caring about you means diverting precious attention
Attention that could be going on them. They need to go to the gym, they want to get that promotion, they’re thinking about a challenge to raise money for charity so they look good.
They want to make connections, travel, and look important.
They want to make several first impressions every day just because it keeps them feeling alive.
Caring about you only detracts from all of the above.
#11 No sympathy, no empathy
Not a trace of either runs through the veins of a narcissist, which is why you could be on your knees and crying, and they still wouldn’t bat an eyelid.
This is one of those moments you have to have and remind yourself not to take it personally, although I know that can be difficult.
Address the reality that you are just one of many people they don’t care about, and you will immediately start to feel better in the knowledge that it was never meant to be personal.
#12 Too busy to notice
Narcissists keep themselves busy for good reason – because they don’t like to be still and dwell or stagnate in their own paranoia, fear and self-loathing.
You wouldn’t know any of that exists because they hide it so well and cover it up with toxicity, but it’s there.
The busyness is nothing but a guise, and it will fit into every excuse when you try to spend time with them and look to them for love and support.
This isn’t a reflection on you, and I can’t stress that enough.
So keep drumming it into your mind that you are worth more, and that you should start giving a f..k about yourself for once!
#13 Care equals love, love doesn’t exist
That’s the bottom line here, right? To care means in some way, to love. If there is no care there, then what else can exist?
Not much, that’s for sure.
So when you need that brutal reminder that the narcissist will never care in any way about you,
start thinking about just how little they give you, how much they lack in their offerings, and how you can beg and beg for affection, but it will never come.
Narcissists don’t get much more bizarre than an inability to care!
