The narcissist – despite their egotistical exterior – is simply terrified of losing you.
I know it might not seem that way because they’re so self-involved, but it’s the truth.
When they see you at risk of leaving, their inner alarm will sound off, and paranoia will kick in and make them fear what comes next.
I know for them, that means losing you, which is their absolute biggest fear.
Here are 12 undeniable signs the narcissist is terrified of losing you.
#1 They suddenly become overly affectionate
Out of nowhere, there it is. The change you are seeing that you perhaps wanted to see all along; the interest of the narcissist in you.
They start to pay this close attention to you when they’re terrified of losing you because they want to provide you with the hope you’ve been pinning the future of your relationship on.
The affection is long overdue, and so many victims love to feel it, so they stay.
What they forget is that it took you to get to rock bottom for them to express themselves, and we know it’s not legit because it’s born from panic, not authenticity.
#2 They start upping their promise game
Oh boy, do the promises start pouring in when a narcissist wants to up their game.
They see you walking to the relationship exit sign, and they want to do anything to lure you back and keep you with them.
I promise we can get married.
I promise to show up more.
I promise to always be honest.
I promise to listen more.
I swear I’ll do better this time.
It’ll be different from here on out.
Well, doesn’t all of that sound peachy?
Probably because the narcissist is terrified that you’re leaving, and they want to give you anything so that you’ll stay.
It might be everything you’ve been wanting to hear, but does that matter if it’s all designed to keep you, and not be executed?
#3 They monitor every move you make
The narcissist will start asking questions, but they will become far too frequent to even resemble normal.
Where are you?
Who are you with?
Why aren’t you answering your phone?
As the narcissist becomes terrified of losing you, they don’t do themselves any favors by piling on the questions, wanting immediate answers.
This isn’t concern, it’s surveillance. They sense the distance, and all they want is to respond with more and more control.
#4 They start getting really jealous
Suddenly, everybody and everything is a threat. From your friends to the people you work with, even strangers!
Narcissists will question your notices, creating stories that don’t even remotely exist, and assume that you are betraying them.
In truth, you just want to grow and change without worrying that you are doing something wrong.
Their jealousy becomes louder, and their insecurity takes over. Their real fear? That you are replacing them.
#5 They try and label your relationship
When a narcissist is terrified of losing you, they will add on any label to your relationship that is necessary to keep you.
If it means calling you their official boyfriend or girlfriend, or even more, proposing to you, it’s because they want to define you before you get the chance to walk away.
Let’s make it official.
Let’s move faster.
Why don’t we just define us?
Sure. I mean, because what says, “I am having a moderate panic attack that you might leave me” better than a diamond ring?!
#6 Controlling who you talk to
Suddenly, when the narcissist panics, your circle becomes a problem.
One by one, they will take on your family, friends and coworkers to make them a problem.
They criticize or question the motives of the people who mean a lot to you, and it creates nothing but tension.
It’s not because those people are bad, it’s more to do with the influence the narcissist feels they’re having on you.
Controlling who you talk to makes them feel better, and that it might mean you’ll become less distant.
#7 They flit between love and anger
One minute the narcissist absolutely adores the ground you walk on, the next they’re snapping at you and making you feel like you’re nothing but in the way.
Hot cold, back and forth, with no end to the misery and instability in sight. This is strategic though, make no mistake.
While the love might pull you closer together, the anger from them will keep you uncertain.
This instability can be addictive for victims, who are constantly waiting for the good, and is a toxic way for the narcissist to keep you close if they’re terrified of losing you.
#8 They guilt-trip you if you want space
When you ask a narcissist for space, you’re basically asking them to have a panic attack and then to make you feel the most guilty you’ve ever felt in your life.
Heaven forbid you live your own life and carve out an identity for yourself.
You will be told that you’re hurting them, and that you’re pulling away.
They hear rejection, and will become petrified that you are using this as a way out of the relationship.
They don’t want you to be your own person, and that’s all this boils down to.
#9 “After all I’ve done for you”
Ah, the old favorite line a narcissist loves to use.
They will keep score of everything you do and don’t do, and will only focus on the negative.
Every favor and sacrifice you’ve offered them will eventually turn into debts that you are no longer fulfilling.
If you try to leave, or it seems as if you are, you’ll be pulled back and forced to be blamed for something that isn’t your fault.
#10 They create drama to keep you close by
The drama a narcissist creates to keep you close can look like an emergency, or a disaster that they must have your help with.
They need you – but not because they need you – but because they want you to stick around, keeping you focused on what’s going on outside the relationship rather than inside.
The chaos stirred won’t give you time to leave.
#11 They fear you not needing them
Nothing scares a narcissist more than you not needing them.
Your independence is a direct threat, and if they feel replaceable, they will hate it.
The stronger you grow, the more the narcissist will panic, knowing it’s only a matter of time before you cut that final cord.
#12 When you stop reacting, they panic
The panic of a narcissist will be tangible the moment you decide to stop responding to their drama and provocations.
There is no more arguing or defending, there’s just distance and a feeling of calm and peace.
They feel it instantly, and because reaction equals control, without it, that control is no more. Safety? Not a chance.
If you have stopped reacting and the narcissist has totally changed in their persona, this is an undeniable sign that they’re terrified you are beginning to walk away.
I say walk away anyway. Nobody needs the drama of a narcissist in their life, least of all you.
