Holidays can make or break your mental health. Many people look forward to gathering their loved ones, while others deem these times to be full of stress and dread.
I won’t lie, the reason for the dread is mostly to do with the fact that a narcissist lives and breathes close by, but there are ways to deal with them.
With these 12 tips on how to deal with a narcissist during the Holidays, I hope they bring you the inner peace and strength you deserve.
#1 Keep your distance where possible
If you have to be around a narcissist on the Holidays, you won’t be lucky enough to not see them, but you can control how often you grace them with your presence.
Remember, there are going to be enough of you there so that you can find a little corner and chat to your favorite aunt or cousin.
It’s true what they say, distance really is the savior of sanity.
I’ve known some people to even use the kids of the family as an excuse to get away from the adults and play and have fun for a little while.
Whatever releases you from their clutches – find that person!
#2 Give them as little as you can
Narcissists love to use the Holidays as a reason to dig and dig about their family.
They want to know what they’ve been doing, what job they’re currently in, how much money they have, any gossip or juicy news they can somehow manipulate; the list is endless.
The key is to give them as little as you can, that way they can’t throw any developments in your life under the bus and ruin it, or use your news against you.
You’d be surprised what constitutes gossip to the narcissist, so even when you think you’re innocently chatting, they are remembering everything.
Avoid like the plague!
#3 Get yourself in the kitchen
Getting in the kitchen and helping out with the dishes works wonders, as most people love to sit with a glass of fizz and catch up with their loved ones by the fire.
If you are in the kitchen, you are being productive as well as being ‘backstage’ from the Holiday.
If the narcissist swans in to get a drink, that can be your immediate cue to excuse yourself to go to the bathroom.
Save your energy, trust me, you’ll be thankful that you did.
#4 Don’t rely on alcohol to save you
While it’s nice to have a drink or two around the Holidays, don’t rely on alcohol to save you from the toxicity that narcissists carry with them.
Drinking too much can make people react easier, or become more emotional and inclined to say what they really mean. Don’t be that person. It’s just not worth it.
So enjoy a tipple, but don’t become so unaware and inhibited that you lose your sense of both self and pride in front of the narcissist.
It will backfire onto you.
#5 Find a family friendly link
There’s always going to be somebody you can turn to and have a genuine conversation with.
That warm, friendly person you love to see after a long time apart, who makes you feel normal and sane.
My advice is to find them, and feel better for them being there. Don’t stick to them like glue, but keep one eye on where they are in case you need a little recharge and laughter.
These kinds of people really do make the world of difference when you have to see that narcissist in your family.
#6 Slip out for a walk
Who doesn’t love a walk in the Holidays? Wrapping up warm and looking at all the lights, the decorations of others’ homes, and just generally enjoying nature, fresh air and some quiet time.
If you’re out on a walk, you’re not with the narcissist even just for a little while. That has to be better for your mental health, right?
Sometimes, all we need is half an hour to clear our mind and recharge our batteries, so any kind of walk is a great tip.
#7 Shift your focus from pained to pity
I know it’s hard, but when you look at a narcissist and absorb the pain they want you to feel, you’re giving them the satisfaction of taking it all on; giving them what they want.
Shifting your focus from pain to pity means you instead look at the narcissist like they’re a lost cause.
You pity them and the way they act. You feel sorry for them.
They’re just sad, lonely, bitter people who thrive on making others miserable, and that’s not you.
#8 Stand your verbal ground
I would say, in the next way you can, stand your ground.
If you’re talking, don’t be talked over by directly addressing the fact that you were in the middle of speaking. It doesn’t have to be confrontational, but it does need to be firm .
You’ll be surprised how effective as well as addictive empowering yourself can feel.
And if the narcissist doesn’t like it, well, that’s on them, not you.
#9 Respond – don’t react
Responding to the narcissist is always a far better approach than simply biting back and reacting.
They want to see your tears and hear the pain in your voice, and giving it to them will prove they’ve not only won, but managed to control how you feel and when you feel it.
So by all means, respond in a calm manner, but don’t show them that you’re bothered.
This takes practice, but you will get there!
#10 Call them out as innocently as you can
I’m sure you don’t mean to, but are you aware that you’re talking over people?
It’s not like you to be like this.
Money is good and all that, but so is love and time with people.
There can’t be any rudeness attached if you’re going to do this, but you can easily get a point across without being directly insulting, accusational or even conflictual.
#11 Use their narcissism as fuel for your confidence
Think of it like this, “The more this person tries to undermine me, the louder and more confident I am going to become.”
It’s almost like you’re filtering them out, and doing a little of what they do to you.
Use their narcissism as supply for your confidence, rather than allow it to be sucked out of you.
I know. It’s revolutionary.
#12 Look ahead to when it’s all over!
If all else fails and you just can’t get out of the funk the narcissist has put you in, look forward to when it’s all over!
I know it might not be the ideal way to deal with the narcissist at the time, but having a light at the end of the tunnel really does give you the incentive to get through the day.
Promise yourself a treat afterward, and use it as the one thought you divert to when all you want to do is scream in their face and never see them again.
Trust me; it works!
