The narcissist has said it, so it must be true, right?

Right?

I mean, you trust them. You spend a lot of time with them. Why would they lie? What’s in it for them? Why would anybody want to hurt another person?

If you’re asking yourself those questions, you’re basing them on your own morals.

Narcissists have zero morals.

So here are the 12 things they want you to believe, that are simply untrue.

Trust Me… It Can Get Messy

Getting involved with a narcissist is like basically giving yourself permission to feel the worst you’ve ever felt in your entire life. 

You think it’ll be okay, and you try to ignore the red flags, but there comes a time you can’t avoid them any longer. 

These points aren’t a list of things you should be putting up with. They’re all warnings.

In fact, if you want to look at them all as red flags, then be my guest, because they are. 

 #1 “You’re So Dull”

Any narcissist who tells you that you’re dull is doing it to make you feel like totally worthless.

There. I said it. And I mean it. 

I refuse to hold back and make it fluffy, because it’s not. 

There’s nothing fluffy about lies, and there’s nothing fluffy about narcissists, either.

They will tell you that you’re dull because you’re happy with yourself. You like who you are, and you want to be that person unapologetically. 

The narcissist can’t understand it. How can this be? A person so comfortable in their own skin that they’re just living their life? Surely not!

Eventually though, that opinion of you being dull will be the opinion that you live by. And for the narcissist, it’s another job done in their eyes. 

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#2 “You’re Not Clever Enough For That”

Applying for a new job, are you? Well, you’d better not tell the narcissist, because at the first opportunity, they will take it away from you. 

Listen, maybe you’re following your dreams and living life authentically to you, but the narcissist is having none of it.

They want you to believe that you aren’t clever so you live a life constantly dumbed down from what you’re actually able to do. 

Believing them is giving them what they want, so prove them wrong at every chance you get. 

#3 “You’re The Problem”

You’re never the problem, but it’s something that many victims believe about themselves, even years after a relationship with a narcissist ends.

I cannot tell you how many times I have told people that it’s not their fault. Narcissists are built to function in such toxic ways, but none of it was ever because you exist. 

They only want you to think you’re the problem so it takes all the attention away from them. They don’t want to be blamed, so the best thing to do is point the finger at you instead. 

#4 “You’re The One Who Needs The Restraining Order”

Are you really, though? You haven’t done anything wrong, let alone bother somebody to the point where it equates to harassment. 

There’s legally nothing a professional can do if you aren’t guilty, so why would you believe a narcissist when they tell you that this is what they’re going to do.

This is just a way to intimate and bully you, and if you fall for it and panic, you’re g oing to be giving them exactly what they want. 

#5 “Nobody Likes You”

It’s just not true. I don’t care if you argue back with me, I will stand by my word and die on that hill.

People do like you. People even love you. But you’ve accepted the narcissist’s word as true, and now you only think everybody hates you.

This is a cruel yet cunning way for the narcissist to isolate you and take away every ounce of your worth – but only if you believe them. 

#6 “Your Weight is Changing and I Don’t Like It”

Putting weight on? Losing it? Weight is weight. It fluctuates. Life happens. We get sick, or we decide to work out more.

We lose ourselves in stress at times, and life changes. Our bodies can change with it, but to me it’s not the end of the world as long as you’re aware.

We all come in such a range of body shapes. So what is it if you look one way, and the narcissist comments that it’s different to before, or how they’d expect you to look.

You know what? If it wasn’t your weight, it’d be something else, and of that I am 100 percent sure!

#7 “You Don’t Need to Work. I’ve Got The Expenses Covered”

If a narcissist is making you think that you don’t need to work, you need to ask yourself why.

What is it they’re trying to prevent? Your independence? Money being earned? Your skillset improving? A work/social life? Are they trying to cut down your critical thinking so that you no longer own your own opinions?

Forget it. Don’t even believe this is the case. The narcissist may get the expenses covered, but they will let you know about it!

#8 “You’re Spending Too Much Money”

And there it is. You did leave your job. And look at what the narcissist is doing. They’re going through the bank statements with a fine tooth comb. 

You’re to blame for it all. Look at how much you spent on this day or that!

Guilt trips will surface daily if you allow them to. Realistically, you’re not spending too much anyway, and you know it. Don’t be programmed to think otherwise. 

#9 “Your Friends and Family Are Not Good For You”

You know they are and what a lie this is, but you’d be surprised just how well the narcissist paints the picture to the contrary. 

The only way to isolate you is to talk you into thinking nobody cares or values you, and this is how narcissists do it. 

And what? You trust their word, right?

You shouldn’t.

#10 “Nobody Else Will Love You”

That old chestnut.

Of course they would love you. 

Narcissists are the only truly unlovable people in the world, and they love nothing more than to project that onto you and make you the one incapable of finding it again. 

Don’t let them ruin your faith. 

#11 “You’re Useless”

There is no such thing as useless. In fact, you got on fine before you met, so why would that change?

Narcissists only say this when they want you to stop believing in yourself, which is all the time!

#12 “You’re Ugly”

You’re not. This is cruel and calculated, and designed to only make you shy away from everybody and everything more and more.

They don’t get to define you.

How Do Narcissists Manipulate Their Partners?

Narcissists are happiest when they have a partner they can twist, manipulate and control.

They love to be part of something where everybody else is smaller and less powerful than they are. Their lives have meaning, just as they feel they should daily.

There are specific ways a narcissist will manipulate their partners, though. As troubling as it may sound, these are textbook ways – and that’s where you need to pay close attention.

If this sounds like your situation, that’s because it likely is.

“My Reality is Fact!”

The reality is that you’re being manipulated by someone who has had much practice. They’ve been exactly where they are now, except with different victims. 

“You’re Nothing!”

Being told how worthless you are does a few things.

For the narcissist, it brings them to a new level of control and manipulation. If you hear something enough times, you will start to believe it. 

You believe it even more when you’re treated that way alongside those words. 

It’s all a tactic, created to destroy your hopes and dreams, your identity, and how you carry yourself each day. 

Where you once stood tall, you now slouch and try to be invisible.

That’s exactly how the narcissist wants you. 

“It’s Your Fault, Not Mine!”

Narcissists project to get whatever they’ve done wrong out of the light. They don’t want their faults or inappropriate actions to be spotted, and so they throw you out there instead.

So everybody looks at you. The narcissist looks at you as if they feel let down by you. 

And you feel that shame, because you take it on. And you take it on because they’ve pushed it so far into you that you have no choice. 

This design is set up to get them off the hook.

Thank God you are there for them to treat you this way – without you – they just might look like the bad guy.

Phew for them!

“…”

That’s right, the good old silent treatment. The way narcissists do this is by completely shutting down and ignoring you. 

If you’ve experienced it, I don’t need to tell you how uncomfortable it is. It induces panic, fear and worry, and like all things narcissists do, it is unnecessary. 

The silent treatment acts to give you nothing at all, so it’s easy for the narcissist to say, “Well, I didn’t say anything horrible. I wasn’t mean,” Then make excuses for them being quiet. 

When you’ve been given the silent treatment, you are left to your own insecure devices.

What did I do wrong?

How can I fix this?

What can I do to make them happy?

I must be a terrible person.

What’s going to happen next?

Do you need this?

No.

Yet they make it so prevalent in your world. 

It isn’t fair. 

“I Must Cause Fallout”

 What is life without a little drama? Actually, it’s quite nice. But then again, I’m speaking as an emotionally healthy person, and not a narcissist. 

The idea that drama is of such greedy interest to the narcissist is one that never fails to shock me. Why would anybody want to be in the middle of so much negativity?

Narcissists do. As people and emotions explode around them, they can act and do what they like and not be seen to be doing anything wrong at all.

Be careful here – narcissists want to pull strings to see a certain dynamic. 

If you’re a part of that, you will suffer. 

“Poor Me…”

The victim mentality of a narcissist can stop the most believing people in their tracks.

It’s all been too much for me.

I try my best.

I don’t know what I do wrong to upset people. 

I wish people would understand me.

These phrases tug at the heartstrings of those who want to give them the benefit of the doubt, and sadly – yes – it works. 

Narcissists always want to look as though they’re being wronged.

This injects:

• Guilt
• Shame
• Self-blame
• Self-loathing
• Insecurity
• Worry
• Anxiety
• Depression

In their partners, and they know this. 

They just don’t care.  

“Bringing You Back, Get Ready!”

Let’s take you back to a time where we were so in love, and everything was perfect!

We are so great, you and me. It was us against the world!

Think about all that passion we had. You’re never going to be able to find that anywhere else.

Oh, the manipulation game is strong with these kinds of phrases. They love getting you at your most vulnerable, reflecting on the distorted nostalgia between you.

It’s enough to make you paint over all the cracks in between, isn’t it? And there were a lot of those. 

What’s manipulative about this is the narcissist’s attempt to invite you to ignore their abuse, and only focus on the good (which was likely to have felt magical!) 

Don’t get sucked into this black hole.

“I Will Tell Everybody!”

Uh-oh. What’s that supposed to mean?

I think you and I both know this is not going to end well with you,

Narcissists will tell whoever listens what a horrible person you are and how you wronged them. They may stretch as far as saying that you are the cheater, you hurt them, you spread lies about them and you’re the manipulative one. 

It’s frustrating for victims, but beyond that, it’s absolutely destructive. 

Suddenly, your reputation is in tatters. It’s all based on the false word of the narcissist, who, by the way, is likely loving seeing your house of bricks fall down while their house of cards remains. 

“Nice, But Not!”

You go out, they act like the perfect partner.

You get home, and they ignore you.

You did this wrong, you did that wrong, you didn’t pay them enough attention, you flirted with that person.

Whatever it is, the charm will switch off. The mask will inevitably slip.

This is where the narcissist has learned not just to manipulate you but also to manipulate everybody else, too. They all think, “What a nice person. They’re such a good couple.”

Also the best one, 

“You’re so lucky to have them as your partner!”

Oh boy, if only they knew the truth, right? 

The truth is, you aren’t lucky. The narcissist is just very clever. They know buttons to press, when to press them, who to press them with, and they are always ready for it. 

You on the other hand then find it even more difficult to convince people of the truth.

This is the sole reason why narcissists manipulate – to make you look like the crazy one eventually, and for them to be the victim.