Narcissists love to have a problem with you, but there are some specific reasons why they really might dislike you.
They’re bothered by things you might not even realize, but I must stress that they aren’t problems. They’re parts of you that are all amazing.
I’ve got 12, yes 12! – surprising traits and behaviors that drive narcissists crazy about you.
You can truly be a thorn in their side, but if you really want to get to the bottom of why, you’ll have to admit you’re pretty cool.
I hope you’re ready for it!
Narcissists? Not Like You? Shock!
I know, imagine! I mean, I always thought narcissists were kind, humble, and genuinely loving peo… Ah, who am I kidding?!
It’s no real shock to discover a narcissist has an aversion to you. You might think, “Hold on a second. What exactly is it about me you hate so much?!”
It doesn’t have to be one particular thing, but a narcissist is never going to love you, or even like you.
It’s ingrained into their egotistical brain to avoid that emotional fluff.
Wishing Secretly..
Now, I need you to do one thing for me.
As you are about to embark on a list that will enable you to gain more knowledge, I want you to know that…
…Narcissists secretly wish they had every single one of these traits about them.
That’s right.
They’ll take this secret to their grave, but in life – they will punish you for being the very things they wish they could be.
12 Things Narcissists Don’t Like About You
#1 Your Caring Nature
Make it make sense!
Surely, caring natures should be considered what the world needs more of.
We don’t need any more people who will cause us stress or unhappiness, right? So why would a narcissist hate that about you?
In short, your caring nature takes away all the potential for them to be seen as a good person. Furthermore, what comes so naturally to you, they have to work a hundred times as hard to do authentically.
Your smile to a stranger is genuine, yet they wouldn’t think twice. How you might help somebody across the street won’t even occur to them to do the same.
#2 Your Sense of Compassion
Keeping in line with point 1 – look at how compassionate you are. You care about the world, and everything that’s going on. You want justice and fairness, yet they only complain or criticize.
How many times do you notice this when you’re watching the news or something with the narcissist in your life?
Listen to them! They don’t know how lucky they are!
Why should we care about what’s going on halfway across the world!?
But give them an audience, and it becomes a forced sense of compassion:
Oh yes, it’s terrible, isn’t it?
Really sad what’s going on there.
You’ll struggle to hide your surprise at their pseudo-concern…
#3 How Much Thought You Put Into Things
Where does that thought come from?
Well, it comes from wanting to see other people happy. It comes from wanting the best for a situation that is fabulous if you can help achieve it.
It comes from thinking about what is good and how to establish or present that to people you care about.
Narcissists? Meh. They’ll just throw money at something and hope for the best.
They hate that you can think about the small things and how much they matter.
#4 How Good You Are At Something
Have a hobby?
Well, you’d better keep it a secret from the narcissist because they will destroy it!
Narcissists don’t want you to be good at anything. They hate seeing you happily and merrily executing a project and will be jealous that you can do so so well.
To the point where they will criticize that creativity out of you!
#5 The Joy You Get From Hobbies
Beyond simply being good at a hobby, you get joy out of it, right? I mean, that’s what sets aside errands from passion.
You find joy in doing something. Running, craftwork, reading, going to the theater, baking – whatever your hobby- brings out the warmth in you.
Oh, hold on, I see something in the distance…
…I see a narcissist heading your way with a wrecking ball…
…Take cover!
#6 Your Comprehension
Oh, you think you’re so clever!
Actually, yes, you might… Because you might be!
Doing well in school, earning your degree, and having general knowledge in many aspects of life and the world can be things narcissists hate about you.
How dare you upstage them and make them look stupid?!
#7 How You Are Happy To Be Vulnerable
Letting go of all your inhibitions and being the vulnerable you that you are – well – they won’t stand it for a moment.
Oh, how they wish they could just let their guard down and be trusting and open to people.
For the simple reason that they see it as a sign of weakness—they can’t and they won’t.
#8 Showing All Emotions Healthily
“If you’re happy and you know it…” – let everybody know!
Sad? Had a bad day? Feeling sympathy for somebody? Wishing you could make that relative of yours feel better if they’re poorly? Excited? Happy? Relieved? I could go on forever!
Take the hint from me – your emotions are always going to be unmatched with the narcissist!
#9 Your Friendships
You have friends, they don’t! I don’t think I need to say much more other than:
Don’t let the fact that the narcissist hates you for having friends stop you from having them.
They’re jealous that you maintain close circles, proving they wish to be like you and have real friends.
Only it isn’t in the make-up of a narcissist to be so vulnerable and open to even make a friend.
#10 Speaking Up When It Matters
Ooh, heaven forbid you use your voice when it matters…
Narcissists will not like you asserting yourself. Yes, they will get majorly offended when you stand up and speak your mind.
They will see it as you putting them in their place, which throws in question (and doubt), their authority
Boo hoo for them…
#11 Defending What’s Right
If you’re standing up for a belief or person who is right, prepare to be disliked! No narcissist wants to see you disagree with them.
After all, you should continue to be the obedient person you always were because those are the dynamics that suit the narcissist, right?
Tough!
#12 Not Caring About Being Perfect
You’re lucky in that you really don’t care about perfection. You know life isn’t about protecting an image you’ve built that tells the world, “I am perfect!”
To you, imperfection is a part of life; you’re okay with that.
The narcissist will gasp in horror, knowing you don’t care. In reality, they wish they could be more like you, but they know any imperfection will be noted as a weakness to their strong character.
What Happens When Narcissists Realize You Are on to Them?
Okay, I‘m going to warn you right from the very start…
If you are ever onto a narcissist:
They will show you a side of them even YOU would never have dreamed of seeing.
I hope you’re ready for that, because let me just say, things are going to get interesting.
You’ll see it all, but luckily, you cannot unsee anything once you start seeing it.
That mask has been well and truly on for all this time, and suddenly, as it slips, you begin to wake up…
…What happens now?
I’ve got the answers for you, right here.
The Thing to Know About Narcissists…
Narcissists are so far removed from reality that you being onto them alone won’t be enough.
They won’t gather your suspicions and run with them because they’re so in their own head that they will fail to notice.
What really gets the narcissists attention is when you change. People do this after they’ve seen the narcissist’s true colors.
They start to act differently and they also treat the narcissist differently too.
What used to be a people pleaser has turned into a guarded, stronger character, and narcissists hate that.
They cannot stand somebody offering them a different version of themselves they’re used to.
You might present:
- In a way that stands your ground. You won’t budge just because the narcissist has demanded you do.
- You no longer do what they say. You won’t if they want you to stop talking to that person. It’s not up to them, after all.
- Your reality becomes clearer. All the times they have tricked you into confusion are now in the past.
- You begin to see the bigger picture opening up before you. All the abuse becomes clear.
When Narcissists Know You See Through Them
Narcissists will know you see through them as soon as you stop giving them what they need.
Remember, they crave everything good in you, but they steal it from you. Once taken, they will never return it, just continue to sap it from you.
Realizing you are not a maple tree, you awaken, and everything changes.
I mean everything.
You’re finally putting yourself in harm’s way no more, and the narcissist becomes frustrated.
The difference now is that they are no longer able to use the usual tricks to get a response from you.
The techniques they once had up their sleeve are going to be deemed useless if the person receiving them has their eyes wide open.
The frustration for them will become very real, very quickly
Caught in the Act: What Now For You?
When a narcissist realizes you’re onto them, it’s as if you’ve caught them in the act. You begin to understand that all the ways they would abuse or belittle you were nothing to do with you.
It was everything to do with them.
What does this mean for you?
It means you get your freedom back. It means you get to pull back the control they’ve taken from you over time.
What could be more liberating than knowing you have released yourself from this painted belief that you’re the problem?
It will be a great time for you to get to the other side of the abuse, and start to piece the puzzle together.
The narcissist won’t enjoy it – but hey – it’s not about them anymore!
How Narcissists Respond to Being Uncovered
Narcissists are initially so frustrated when you blow their cover. Realizing you’ve changed is never going to work for them, because they can’t undo what you’ve learned.
The narcissist will find it impossible to claw back the submissive person who did as they were told, and acted in a way that kept them in control.
Their mind will start to spin out as they watch you:
- Figure out their lies
- Understand their deceit
- Realize the extent they were gaslighted
- Watch them closely, making them undoubtedly uncomfortable
- Work on making your own self stronger again
Where the narcissist was once able to move people around and play them like a game of chess, the dynamics change completely.
All it takes to break the dynamics is one person figuring them out. It’s like pulling one card from a house of cards, and seeing it all fall down.
You are that card, and you have pulled yourself out of the equation.
Now comes the consequences.
How Narcissists Handle Being Found Out
It’s natural for a narcissist to feel on guard when they’re found out. They notice and sense the change, and they are now wondering how to make it all ‘normal’ for them again.
How they handle you finding out is quite interesting.
Anger
The narcissist is angry that now you are unreachable. You’ve checked out, and you’re nothing but disengaged to their tactics.
It’s like you were once a fire that has now burned out. No matter how many times they poke you, you’re not going to start up again.
This enrages them.
Denial
If you were to start speaking up about what you realize, you’d probably have a little fun watching them deny any wrongdoing and potentially even turn it around on you.
Narcissists deny through sheer panic. They don’t want to be found out, and they don’t want you to ruin the perfect image they’ve spent years building.
Narcissists deny when they have nowhere else to go. If you are showing them a version of themselves that’s far from ideal – they don’t want to see it. Even if it’s true, they don’t want to face seeing the ‘real’ them.
That’s the person they can’t stand.
Discard
So … Here it comes ….
The discard. You’re no good to them anymore. They don’t want you around. You’re useless.
Your supply has dried up. You know the real them. They can’t fool or trick you into believing their lies.
Your yesterday’s news, so any relationship is going to now be no relationship.
Once they’re through with you, the next aim is to find the next ‘you.’
Revenge
Sometimes, yes, the narcissist sees you as somebody who needs a little calculated revenge thrown their way.
For all the times you have rattled their cage and questioned their games – you now get the treatment.
The smear campaign.
It is not above the narcissist’s station to tell people what a troublemaker you are. How good you are at lying and the untrue rumors you spread about them.
The narcissist will be believed because they’re so good and manipulating situations in their favor.
You should consider it your punishment for daring to be onto the narcissist!
Are Narcissists Evil?
When you encounter a narcissist, your first thought isn’t going to be how evil they are.
Why would it be?
They’re charming. They’re attentive. They call you and want to see you. They promise you all kinds of crazy things.
The bait develops into a bite, and suddenly they’re reeling you in.
But… When does the evil show? Does it even exist?
In your own experience, can you tell me if you know any narcissists who are truly evil?
I hear you!
First Off…
Alright. I want you for a second to think about any of the narcissists you’ve previously encountered.
Get a clear image of them in your head (bleurgh…), and ask yourself:
Was this person ever nice?
You’ll answer yes. Because they were.
Over time and very gradually, narcissists move like tectonic plates around new people. They move so slowly, you don’t even feel like the ground below you is even moving.
You feel safe, secure, and loved. You’re happy, they pay you lots of compliments, and their absolutely encapsulating nature blindsides you.
Narcissistic Earthquake
Suddenly, the ground starts rumbling. You stop what you’re doing, confused at how unsteady everything below you feels.
You thought you were safe.
Now there are cracks in your foundation, and weaknesses in your structure.
The narcissist earthquake strikes.
Bad behavior.
Belittling.
Gaslighting.
Triangulation.
You feel isolated from loved ones.
Your confidence is plummeting.
Your self-esteem erases entirely.
It begins.
We rarely have time to ask that one important question in the midst of such a change to our previously steady worlds.
Am I in the presence of evil?
How Could Anybody Be So…
Right.
Well, it’s hard to imagine anybody having the ability to be so underhand: sly, crooked, unkind, egoistical, self-centered, dismissive, fragile.
When a narcissist is all of those things plus so much more, you can equate them to having a really evil undertone.
The conscience they don’t have when they manipulate you or others.
The way they enjoy creating and watching conflict unfold while maintaining it’s “nothing to do with them” cannot be anything short of such a thing.
Narcissists Look For A Certain Someone
Narcissists know who they are looking for. They don’t zone in on strong, self-assured characters they know they can’t break. Also people they avoid are the ones who know narcissism (perhaps those who have had that experience and can spot them).
They’re looking for a soft target. Somebody with the potential to forgive a thousand times. A person who always sees the good in others. An empathic soul, who can give the narcissist what they need.
Themselves.
Have you ever asked yourself, “Why does the narcissist only utilize their control and power over certain people?”
It’s because they know what they’re looking for. They have a list of criteria you must meet for them to feel you can provide something for them.
The Pick and Choose
When people come to me for advice about narcissists, they often say, “But they aren’t like this in front of anybody else.”
What I need you to understand about abusers is – they pick and choose their moods.
If a person can be overly, sickly sweet, nice to somebody in public, and then leave that event with you a different person – something’s up.
Underneath that swift change, there is intent—intent to appear nice to everybody else but to put all their toxicity into being alone with you. If a person is in control of that, they are in control of what they’re doing.
So much so, in fact, that it becomes nothing but a game to them. A way to use everyone they know as pawn pieces in their huge life game of chess.
How Can Destruction Not Be Evil?
Narcissists are known to pull entire families apart, simply because they can. They can seek out the scapegoat, ensure they’re isolated, and turn everybody else against them in a sheer act of toxic defiance.
They lose zero sleep at night worrying about you and how it has affected your mental wellbeing.
They wake up each morning, not quite knowing what will happen, but strong in their knowledge they will handle it.
Even Their Kids?!
Painfully, yes.
I personally cannot look at the children in my family without thinking about how precious they are, and how much they mean to us all.
I wouldn’t want any harm to come to them. Healthy families don’t. They love, cherish, teach, forgive, and nurture. Healthy parenting looks like encouraging growth and the ability to inspire.
Money = Love
Narcissistic parents see their children as extensions of themselves. They control in the same way they would anybody else. They love money and material objects. They neglect without warning, and chop and change their moods to suit themselves.
They ignite anxiety and uncertainty in their children, as young as you can imagine.
Narcissistic parents will walk all over their children to maintain their own innocence, and they don’t care how much they hurt them in the process.
In fact, if their child dares to speak up and say, “The things you say and do hurt my feelings,” they will be hung out to dry.
Ask yourself this…
I want to leave you with an open-ended question that I hope can go some way to help you understand the true evil nature of a narcissist.
How has the narcissist changed your life?
I ask this as a way to get you to think about all the ways their evil nature has trickled into areas of your life you didn’t think were possible.
Maybe they stopped you from getting that job.
Maybe they poke fun at the clothes you wear.
Are they behind the reason you no longer see that family member, or friend?
Have you become less confident since you’ve known them?
Do they make you feel nervous or on edge when you’re near them?
Are they the cause of much conflict?
True evil rarely comes at you so overtly. If it did, you’d hold your hands up and say, “Hey! Not today!” We don’t do this initially with a narcissist because they come at us with their cycle of abuse.
The love bombing.
The smiles and fake promises that we cling to.
Why? Because we’ve no reason to believe they are bad at all. We see the good.
Narcissists take root before you’ve even realized they’re narcissists. They grow slowly and, over time, begin to take over your entire character. They’re hard to get rid of, and the task can often feel overwhelming.
They’re dangerously evil.
They’re human Japanese Knotweed.