As relationships go, you are currently in the dawn of yours.
The sun has yet to rise and heat up the day, but you feel like that break of dawn is everything you need to know good things are coming.
When the day starts this early, anything is possible. While it’s good to be positive, you should look out for signs the day is going to be bad.
In the same way, early on in relationships you should look out for narcissist abuse.
Not all is ever as it seems, so let’s get into 12 signs of narcissistic abuse early on.
#1 Too good to be true
I always say, if something is too good to be true, that’s because it usually is.
When you meet somebody and they tick all your boxes, even ones you didn’t know you had, you feel like you want to dance in the street and sing it to the world.
You want everybody to know how lucky you are, and what a rare kind of person you’ve found and fallen for.
You are getting everything you want, and life feels like it’s just one big movie.
So what’s to be worried about? I mean, positive things can’t be red flags or signs of narcissistic abuse, can they?
Yes, they can. This cannot be sustained, and you have to ask yourself why it’s perfect, when nothing in the world ever is.
#2 The feeling of being swept off your feet
You know when you feel as though you’ve been swept up by a riptide and being carried along the current with no way of stopping or pausing for a moment to even breathe?
Everything is happening, and there never seems to be a time you can reflect and say, “Wow, this is intense.”
It just is. And you don’t know whether to feel happy or concerned by it, all you know is you’re moving at a rate of knots, and it’s still so early on.
It’s a fast pace because for the narcissist, it has to be. They don’t want you to pause and consider that it might not be for you, or that you have second t thoughts or doubts in any way.
They want to keep the motion flowing so you just go along with it and be the agreeable victim they want you to be.
#3 Kiss goodbye to family and friends
When was the last time you saw your friends or family in the early stages of your relationship?
The narcissist wants you all to themselves so they can find ways to get to know you, your fears, your triggers and all the ways you can be manipulated and controlled.
So yeah, say goodbye to them. You won’t see them in a very long time if the narcissist has their way.
From now on, it’s you two against the entire world, just how the narcissist likes it.
#4 Everything you want? You got it
Getting everything you want sounds like a great thing, but you have to ask yourself why the narcissist is trying to make it happen like that.
Jewelry, flowers, gifts, vacations, lavish gestures; they will all come so you see them as signs the narcissist loves you and cares about you deeply.
These are not tokens of love, they are tokens of emotional manipulation. You think this is how it’s going to be forever?
It’s not.
This is nothing but a trap to make you think they’re perfect.
#5 All your time with the narcissist
As the love-bombing gets off to its usual start, you think you’re in this as a winner. You love spending all your time with a narcissist, and you hope it never ends.
It will end at some point.
When it does, you’ll wonder why there’s now a thick layer of distance between you, and you’ll ask them. Then you’ll be accused of being a childish, needy type of person.
I have friends, why can’t you accept that?
By then, you’ll know something major is off. But in the early stages, that need to always be together 24/7 should be a sign of abuse on the horizon.
#6 Promises, promises
They’re just words, as much as I hate to say it, it’s true.
Promises will always be thrown at you, but rarely will you see any of them come true.
That’s because the narcissist wants you at that moment to believe and trust in them, but in the long run, you will find out it was a waste of time and energy doing so .
#7 Quick wedding
If they can get you locked in quickly enough, that’s a good thing! It means there’s not much scope for backing out of the relationship at a later date, not least without a lot of pushback or difficulty.
Quick weddings seal the deal, and when that contract (that’s all it is to them) is signed, it’s a done deal.
Remember this; narcissists love to be seen as the perfect partner and in it for ‘love.’ For them, marriage is win-win.
#8 Guilt trips
If you loved me, you’d come with me to the party.
I guess I’m not as important to you as I thought I was.
Don’t worry about me, I’ll manage fine – somehow.
These are all little guilt trips, but to you, they’re a way for you to stop and pull back.
I didn’t mean it like that!
Suddenly, you’re being drawn into the fire.
#9 Friends asking where you are
Why are they asking where you are? Because they haven’t seen or heard from you in weeks!
You’re spending so much time with the narcissist because of the love-bombing, that you don’t realize you’re also being isolated from the very people you’re going to need when this relationship turns sour.
Which is will, eventually.
#10 You’ve got everything in common
Narcissists want you to believe you are 100% made for each other to lure you into a type of trauma bond that is nearly impossible to leave.
They do this by acting like you have everything in common, creating a great emotional rapport with you. You feel like you’ve met your soulmate, and who wants to leave their soulmate, right?
#11 Gaslighting starts early
It can start from day one, but they are such small, subtle signs that you won’t notice them.
Things like:
I never thought I’d meet anybody so sensitive to this song when they play a famously sad song. As if you shouldn’t feel that way about something so obvious.
Done in jokey ways, but never underestimate the power these comments cumulatively have.
#12 Flash with money
Narcissists love money, so the more flash they are, the more they want you to be impressed, and tell them so.
Not only that, they actually want you to see that you’ll be financially secure with them because they have lots of money.
That safety they’ve put on you is fake, and it’s likely in the future they will be coming to you telling you they’re broke and need a loan (that they won’t ever pay back).
