This is a strong case of when innocent people are put to the test.
“What test, Alexander?” I hear you ask.
There are ways narcissists like to check that they’ve still got you right where they want you – right under their control.
They think it’s time they jumped in and ensure you’re doing exactly what they want you to do.
The worst part is – they do it in secret. Why would it be any other way?
So, it’s fair to give a little heads-up from me on how they do this. Wouldn’t it go amiss?
It’s Fair to Say: Control is Essential
For any narcissist to be successful in their abusive endeavors, there needs to be a set of circumstances ready to go.
Control is one of them. It is a circumstance of unhealthy behavior, but it leads to the narcissist feeling in charge – right where they want to be.
There’s no other behavior more essential to the narcissist. If they can’t control you, no supply will come from you. You may as well walk yourself to the trash can and jump right in.
You Can Run…
This is the main issue when it comes to any control. The narcissist will want to find you, especially if they haven’t seen you in a while.
Whether you’re a long lost friend, an ex, or somebody who has been out of town – if the narcissist wants to connect – they will.
In other words, you can run, but you can’t hide.
…Be a Step Ahead
Except, you don’t have to hide. You can shed their control like you are a snake shedding its skin.
It’s to do that, by being a step ahead and understanding these 12 secret ways.
#1 The Letter
Hi, it’s me. I haven’t seen you for a while, and I know how much you love letters….
Argh! Rip it up! Burn it! Make a paper aeroplane and throw it off the Grand Canyon!
Letters are known to be old fashioned, with romantic connotations attached to them.
Don’t fall for it and reply – that’s what they want!
#2 The Friend Request
Accept or decline?
Burn your phone.
No, don’t do that, but definitely decline. You do not need them sniffing out your business and interacting with your loved ones on your timeline.
You most certainly don’t need them being any kind of friend to you.
#3 The Text
Ignore. Delete. Block.
Texts have become a fast way for somebody to tell another person what they think or feel.
We have all been indoctrinated to reply instantly; sometimes, that comes without fully thinking your reply through.
Narcissists don’t even deserve a reply. If you want them to see they don’t control you any more, delete.
#4 Tagging You In An Old Photo
Stop tagging me in photos from 15 years ago when we were either really good friends, or partners!
It’s unnecessary; it only shows people you think they’re still important to you. See point 2 again. Do not add.
#5 Throwing Criticism Your Way
Victims respond to criticism by trying to conform, apologize, or retreat even further.
Any of those responses equate to being controlled and proving that the narcissist is still able to reach you that way.
If you are being criticized, it’s time to start ignoring those words, and continuing to live your best life!
#6 Showing Up Unannounced
How will you react?
When you’re caught off guard, will you be forgiving? Will you open your door and your heart to them again?
It’s like a constant testing of the waters – and this is a test you really don’t need.
If the narcissist shows up unannounced, stay cool, calm and collected. And Politely decline and further interaction.
#7 The Questions
Where have you been?
What time do you call this?
Who is that mail from?
Why is there a payment from out of town yesterday, where did you go?
Why are you wearing lipstick all of a sudden?
Falling over yourself to answer questions like these will land you in the column of this person is still controlling me.
Some questions are innocent, but if they are falling out of a narcissist’s mouth, they seldom are.
Please don’t listen to them when they say they only ask because they care.
They don’t care at all.
#8 It’s Never Too Late For a Love Bomb
Old dogs love old tricks as much as they love new ones.
If love-bombing has worked for you in the past, don’t let it be a mistake you make ever again.
Love-bombing is set up to draw you in. Acts of flattery and attention are designed to lure you and give you a false sense of being.
And if you fall for it? Well, you’re still under their control.
And they can check you off the list yet again for a little while.
From now on, you duck and dive to avoid the love-bomb and get on with your life. When they know you’re not one to be messed with, they will find a new victim.
#9 Ghosting You
I cannot tell you how much I hate ghosting – because there just aren’t strong enough words.
I find it calculated, callous, and cruel. Mostly, I find it unnecessary to drop people so coldly without explanation. It proves immaturity, but it doesn’t always prove narcissism.
However, and it’s a big however – narcissists do ghost. Once they’re done with you, they will drop you like a hot potato and leave you with zero closure.
What they expect from ghosting you, is you begging them for answers. They want to see the reel of text messages you pour out into their inbox.
They want to view the long list of emails you send, asking them to reply and tell you what you did that was so wrong.
They need your attention, and the only time it’s received is off the back of poor treatment such as ghosting. That’s why it remains a popular game to them.
The long term effects of being ghosted include the emotional reiteration that you aren;t good enough, or that you’re always saying or doing something wrong.
What could be so terrible that you’re treated this way so frequently?
It’s unfair, and it’s unnecessary.
Don’t let yourself be controlled by this pathetic behavior.
#10 Does Blame Still Work?
Remember the times you were blamed by the narcissist? They take what you did – no matter how honorable you may have been trying to be – and they blame you.
The blame you encountered made way for other feelings.
Guilt.
Shame.
Embarrassment.
Self-loathing.
Low self-worth.
It’s all there for you to feel, because of them.
Narcissists love to jump back in and see if this still works with you, so any time they feel like blaming you, they will.
That way, a little more of you gets chipped away by their behavior.
#11 Another Attempt at Disarming Your Reality
Hey, if they can, they will.
Your reality was always under the microscope with the narcissist. This is the kind of thing that’s never going to fall away and disappear.
Narcissists are always looking for ways to distort your reality, and they won’t hesitate in trying to disarm what you believe to be true.
Watch them try and tell you that it never happened, or that you don’t know what you’re talking about.
Also, listen out for ways they try to convince you that you’re getting forgetful or that you are extremely sensitive to criticism.
You’re not any of those things. You’re a good person who has the right to feel what they feel, and that shouldn’t be erased by somebody hellbent on trying to maintain control.
