This is a strong case of when innocent people are put to the test.

“What test, Alexander?” I hear you ask.

There are ways narcissists like to check that they’ve still got you right where they want you – right under their control.

They think it’s time they jumped in and ensure you’re doing exactly what they want you to do.

The worst part is – they do it in secret. Why would it be any other way?

So, it’s fair to give a little heads-up from me on how they do this. Wouldn’t it go amiss?

It’s Fair to Say: Control is Essential

For any narcissist to be successful in their abusive endeavors, there needs to be a set of circumstances ready to go. 

Control is one of them. It is a circumstance of unhealthy behavior, but it leads to the narcissist feeling in charge – right where they want to be. 

There’s no other behavior more essential to the narcissist. If they can’t control you, no supply will come from you. You may as well walk yourself to the trash can and jump right in. 

You Can Run…

This is the main issue when it comes to any control. The narcissist will want to find you, especially if they haven’t seen you in a while.

Whether you’re a long lost friend, an ex, or somebody who has been out of town – if the narcissist wants to connect – they will. 

In other words, you can run, but you can’t hide.

…Be a Step Ahead

Except, you don’t have to hide. You can shed their control like you are a snake shedding its skin. 

It’s to do that, by being a step ahead and understanding these 12 secret ways.

Article continues below this section.

---

---

#1 The Letter

Hi, it’s me. I haven’t seen you for a while, and I know how much you love letters….

Argh! Rip it up! Burn it! Make a paper aeroplane and throw it off the Grand Canyon!

Letters are known to be old fashioned, with romantic connotations attached to them. 

Don’t fall for it and reply – that’s what they want!

#2 The Friend Request

Accept or decline?

Burn your phone.

No, don’t do that, but definitely decline. You do not need them sniffing out your business and interacting with your loved ones on your timeline. 

You most certainly don’t need them being any kind of friend to you.

#3 The Text

Ignore. Delete. Block.

Texts have become a fast way for somebody to tell another person what they think or feel.

We have all been indoctrinated to reply instantly; sometimes, that comes without fully thinking your reply through.

Narcissists don’t even deserve a reply. If you want them to see they don’t control you any more, delete.

#4 Tagging You In An Old Photo

Stop tagging me in photos from 15 years ago when we were either really good friends, or partners!

It’s unnecessary; it only shows people you think they’re still important to you. See point 2 again. Do not add.

#5 Throwing Criticism Your Way

Victims respond to criticism by trying to conform, apologize, or retreat even further.

Any of those responses equate to being controlled and proving that the narcissist is still able to reach you that way. 

If you are being criticized, it’s time to start ignoring those words, and continuing to live your best life!

#6 Showing Up Unannounced

How will you react?

When you’re caught off guard, will you be forgiving? Will you open your door and your heart to them again? 

It’s like a constant testing of the waters – and this is a test you really don’t need.

If the narcissist shows up unannounced, stay cool, calm and collected. And Politely decline and further interaction.

#7 The Questions

Where have you been?

What time do you call this?

Who is that mail from?

Why is there a payment from out of town yesterday, where did you go?

Why are you wearing lipstick all of a sudden?

Falling over yourself to answer questions like these will land you in the column of this person is still controlling me.

Some questions are innocent, but if they are falling out of a narcissist’s mouth, they seldom are. 

Please don’t listen to them when they say they only ask because they care. 

They don’t care at all. 

#8 It’s Never Too Late For a Love Bomb

Old dogs love old tricks as much as they love new ones. 

If love-bombing has worked for you in the past, don’t let it be a mistake you make ever again.

Love-bombing is set up to draw you in. Acts of flattery and attention are designed to lure you and give you a false sense of being.

And if you fall for it? Well, you’re still under their control. 

And they can check you off the list yet again for a little while.

From now on, you duck and dive to avoid the love-bomb and get on with your life. When they know you’re not one to be messed with, they will find a new victim.

#9 Ghosting You

I cannot tell you how much I hate ghosting – because there just aren’t strong enough words.

I find it calculated, callous, and cruel. Mostly, I find it unnecessary to drop people so coldly without explanation. It proves immaturity, but it doesn’t always prove narcissism.

However, and it’s a big however – narcissists do ghost. Once they’re done with you, they will drop you like a hot potato and leave you with zero closure. 

What they expect from ghosting you, is you begging them for answers. They want to see the reel of text messages you pour out into their inbox.

They want to view the long list of emails you send, asking them to reply and tell you what you did that was so wrong. 

They need your attention, and the only time it’s received is off the back of poor treatment such as ghosting. That’s why it remains a popular game to them.

The long term effects of being ghosted include the emotional reiteration that you aren;t good enough, or that you’re always saying or doing something wrong. 

What could be so terrible that you’re treated this way so frequently?

It’s unfair, and it’s unnecessary.

Don’t let yourself be controlled by this pathetic behavior. 

#10 Does Blame Still Work?

Remember the times you were blamed by the narcissist? They take what you did – no matter how honorable you may have been trying to be – and they blame you. 

The blame you encountered made way for other feelings.

Guilt.

Shame.

Embarrassment. 

Self-loathing.

Low self-worth.

It’s all there for you to feel, because of them. 

Narcissists love to jump back in and see if this still works with you, so any time they feel like blaming you, they will. 

That way, a little more of you gets chipped away by their behavior.

#11 Another Attempt at Disarming Your Reality

Hey, if they can, they will.

Your reality was always under the microscope with the narcissist. This is the kind of thing that’s never going to fall away and disappear.

Narcissists are always looking for ways to distort your reality, and they won’t hesitate in trying to disarm what you believe to be true. 

Watch them try and tell you that it never happened, or that you don’t know what you’re talking about.

Also, listen out for ways they try to convince you that you’re getting forgetful or that you are extremely sensitive to criticism. 

You’re not any of those things. You’re a good person who has the right to feel what they feel, and that shouldn’t be erased by somebody hellbent on trying to maintain control. 

11 Signs You Have Beaten The Narcissist

When you’re at the point where it’s:

You 1 – Narcissist 0…

…It’s time to celebrate.

More than that though, it’s time to reflect and see how you got to the point where you’ve actually beaten them.

Many victims think this is impossible, but you’ve proven it can be done.

So, what did you need in order to do so? How did you beat them exactly?

I have 11 signs where you know you’ve done a good job at it…

Are You Here Yet?

Oh how I wish for you all to be right here, right now! All that time of being under the controlling thumb of the narcissist has to stop sometime, and I so wish it was down to you taking control and saying, “No more!”

It takes a lot of time and realization to get to that point, and I know you all have it in you to beat toxicity directly.

What Beating The Narcissist Feels Like

If you had been under the spell and control of somebody so frightfully manipulative, how would you feel?

• Empowered?
• Relieved?
• Scared?
• Uncertain?
• Anxious?
• Happy?
• Thankful?
• Free?
• Guilty?

None of these emotions are wrong – it’s a time for real mixed emotions and I don’t imagine any is going to be the sole emotion you’d feel. We chop and change as the days pass, and there’s no right or wrong.

11 Signs You Have Beaten The Narcissist

1. You Don’t Miss Them

So let’s look at all the ways you know you’ve beaten the narcissist.

What a joy to wake up every morning and not have to soothe your aching heart.

The worst thing about missing somebody is all the memories you pluck from your mind to reinforce their absence. When that becomes your norm every day, life can get pretty tough.

Beating the narcissist begins with that beautiful realization that you actually don’t miss them any longer.

You don’t miss the 5% good times versus the 95% bad. You don’t miss a thing.

This means a little more than that too, as missing them is often linked with the attachment you had with them.

Feeling as though you wouldn’t let them go because of that ‘bond’ will have had you pining for them for far too long.

Now – all of that is over, and you feel freer!

2. You Begin To Rebuild Your Life

It’s not easy rebuilding your life after narcissistic abuse. Most people don’t even know where to start because all they’ve experienced is being told what to do, and what not to do (either directly or indirectly). 

Suddenly there you are, with a world wide open ahead of you, and you’re responsible for how to fill it all. As daunting as that can seem, beginning to do that is how you know you’ve beaten the narcissist. 

It takes courage to rebuild. It is admirable to pull together what’s left of your confidence and self-esteem to feel worthy enough to do so.

This is a huge step in beating the narcissist. 

3. Goodbye to Guilt

Guilt goes right out the window the second you start beating the narcissist!

You don’t sit there any more, cowering over what was and feeling bad about it.

Nobody tells you to inject shame into your thoughts, opinions or actions. You don’t have that dark cloud of manipulation over your head.

And now? You own your choices. You don’t reflect on the past and feel terrible about outcomes. 

The only reason you felt guilty when you were with the narcissist is because taught you how to take responsibility for their actions and behavior.

But none of it was you.

4. The Happiness Creeps Back In

Happiness will slowly start to filter its way back into your life as you beat the narcissist. You’ll start to enjoy everything again.

From music, exercise, baking, catching up on your favorite shows, meeting friends, and even enjoying work!

All the things the narcissist held you back from or criticized you for will start to make a reentry – and you will love it.

5. Acceptance – It Is What It Is

Okay, okay – it’s a phrase that can divide people! 

Truly though – your past happened, and the person you thought was perfect turned out to be a narcissist.

You no longer mull it over, wish it worked out differently, regret it, or punish yourself. 

It is what it is.

Acceptance.

This happened, I can’t change it. I am now going to live my life and close that chapter. 

6. You No Longer Feel Responsible

Why should you? Their moods aren’t your problem, and they never were.

The difference now is that you’re awakened to it, and it feels immediately lighter than it did. 

Knowing you aren’t responsible for the narcissist, how the relationship played out, or their behavior in general means you can finally feel what it’s like to be free – and innocent!

7. You Don’t Care To Play

Games? Sure! You love a board game, or a card game.

Narcissism games? No thanks.

You’re done. You were there, you unknowingly played it for a time, and now you’re done. 

You won’t be drawn in or tempted, and nothing they say or do will make you want to be a part of it again.

8. The Hoovering Doesn’t Work

Oh look, here comes the narcissist. They’re going to tell me that they love me. They’re going to tell me that they can’t live without me. They’re going to apologize.

Wait, what’s this? A new technique?

Suddenly, they up their game. They turn up at your work with flowers. They ask you to marry them. They book a weekend away for you, and all expenses are paid. 

But you?

No!

You don’t buy it. You’re not interested, and you see these gestures for what they are:

Empty ways to hoover you back and begin that cycle of abuse all over again. 

9. You Laugh Rather Than Cry

Laughing is good for the soul, and it’s clear you’ve missed out on a lot of that with the narcissist. 

You find your laughter all over again when it comes to beating them. 

Crying has been how you’ve previously coped, and now you’re discovering a lighter zest for life. 

What a way to prove that you can rise above it all!

10. You Look After Yourself

Started to care about what you look and feel like? Giving yourself opportunities to eat well instead of poorly?

Have you started to work out, or do something that raises those happy hormones?

What about sleep? Making sure you’re getting more of that, and better quality?

That’s because you’ve beaten the narcissist, and you no longer have to listen to them try to bring you down every single day. 

11. They Turn To Another

Fed up with trying to play games that no longer work, the narcissist will eventually tire of you and move on to a new supply.

Be thankful if this happens. You’ve proven they can’t get to you and know this about you too.