Somebody’s words just don’t add up. Your brain becomes foggy; you question your sanity, but most of all – you question reality.
Sounds like the same old patented familiar story, doesn’t it? That’s because the narcissist you know, knows exactly what they’re doing!
You’re not as powerless as you think, and it’s high time you discovered that for yourself.
It’s time I armed you with 12 phrases to shut down gaslighting, so that you can handle that toxic person in your life like a pro.
Are you ready to leave them stumbling for the right words to reel you back?
Gaslighting?
Gaslighting was the buzzword of the year back in 2022 – and it;s still riding strong in the hearts and minds of people who are awakening to abuse.
If you’ve ever had your thoughts, feelings, opinions or beliefs completely squashed like a bug under your shoe – you’ve known gaslighting.
It’s the highest way to manipulate, and it’s extremely commonly used with narcissists.
It’s almost pathetic, isn’t it? These people are so predictable.
I’ve got some beautiful news for you…
You can shut them down!
#1 “Your Reality is Yours, Mine is Mine”
What you’re doing here, is completely offering them the idea that two accounts can both be acceptable. Who says what the narcissist alleges, is anywhere near true?
Rather than argue against it, giving them exactly what they want – offer them this. You know what you believe, and they can think what they like.
Mic drop!
#2 “It Seems This Truth is Difficult For You To Hear”
Ouch! Somebody get the narcissist a band aid!
The truth is hard for anybody who refuses to believe anything other than what they tell themselves.
What you’re doing is telling them that – and I don’t promise they’re going to love it…!
This is about you becoming stronger, and transferring some empowerment into the way you handle their games.
#3 “This is My Boundary. I Ask That You Respect Them”
Boundaries are a sure fire way to scare off any narcissists (not that they will admit to being scared!)
You are not a doormat, so you don’t deserve to be walked all over.
You are your life story’s main character- nobody has the right to change that.
Least of all the narcissist.
Refusing to have any boundaries moved around will allow you to keep them in place – and keep control.
#4 “I Will Not Continue in a Conversation Where I Don’t Feel Appreciated or Heard”
Another moment you get to call the shots. The attempt for an adult conversation rarely results in seeing one where narcissists are involved. They love to drag you to verbal and emotional places you feel most unsettled.
Informing them you’re walking away if you’re not being appreciated proves to yourself that you’re worthy.
We need more of this, please!
#5 “If You Can’t Take Blame, I Refuse to Take Responsibility”
Works both ways, right?
Narcissists will not like you mirroring their attitude back to them, but…
You’re doing it in a way to defend yourself. Their poor attitude is not your responsibility. Don’t let it be handed to you on an egotistical plate!
Besides – where narcissists lurk – blame always follows.
They just cannot help themselves!
#6 I Am Not Engaging Any Longer”
They can forget it! The obsession with wanting to trick you into believing what they want is sickening, but it only works if you engage and give them exactly what they want. Without your input, they’re just talking to themselves (quite fun to watch, you’ll all agree!)
#7 “That’s a Very Interesting Perspective. I Need Some Time To Think About it”
Telling the narcissist that you need time to think about something?
Keeping them waiting?
Have you lost your senses?!
No, you’re gaining them. And it will shut down the narcissist immediately. They don’t need your silence, that’s their job, remember?
Take note here, because you aren’t being rude, you’re just pushing them back from your space so they don’t steal it and remold it how they want.
#8 “Can You Be More Specific Here, With More Information?”
This is a very effective way of shutting down a narcissist who is gaslighting you.
Go on? I’m listening. Be more specific for me, please.
Watch the discomfort. Allow their fumbling, bumbling response to make you smile on the inside. They seriously won’t know what to do with themselves.
Usually, narcissists love to be asked to talk more, but this is one occasion where that’s simply not the case.
#9 “Okay”
Oh, you went there. You went straight in with the gray rock. Good for you!
‘Okay’ gives nothing away. It doesn’t feed the narcissist what they want to hear. It doesn’t allow you to show any emotion. It shuts down the entire process of attempted gaslighting.
If you use this one, I am very proud of you.
#10 “I Trust Myself”
Exactly! And that is what this is all about, isn’t it?
You do trust yourself. Not only are you highlighting that to the narcissist, you’re also reaffirming it to yourself in an otherwise moment of losing yourself to their manipulation all over again.
Ideally, I’d want all of you to trust yourself, but if it feels that’s slipped somewhat since you met the narcissist, it’s time you started believing it again.
#11 “I Know That’s Not True”
Of course you know it’s not true. Living with a narcissist is like living a constant lie, and I do not doubt in my mind that you are going to have been pulled out of your reality more times than you’d care to recall.
Knowing that whatever they say isn’t true is one thing, but saying it aloud for them to hear is quite another. It will shut them down quicker than you can blink.
#12 “I Appreciate That May Be Your Reality”
Appreciating that the narcissist has a different kind of reality to you is a way of agreeing to disagree.
The narcissist will want this to go only one way: you agreeing with them. That’s not how life works; the sooner they realize that, the better.
You need to show them that you cannot and will not be pushed around. It’s not up for discussion or debate.
Standing firm in your beliefs is how you keep the narcissist from changing them, and it’s only people who sacrifice their boundaries who will begin to see the erosion in their self and identity.
Keep appreciating their reality, and know that your version is where the truth is. When you intend to keep these separate, you intend to keep an important part of yourself alive.
