Somebody’s words just don’t add up. Your brain becomes foggy; you question your sanity, but most of all – you question reality.
Sounds like the same old patented familiar story, doesn’t it? That’s because the narcissist you know, knows exactly what they’re doing!
You’re not as powerless as you think, and it’s high time you discovered that for yourself.
It’s time I armed you with 12 phrases to shut down gaslighting, so that you can handle that toxic person in your life like a pro.
Are you ready to leave them stumbling for the right words to reel you back?
Gaslighting?
Gaslighting was the buzzword of the year back in 2022 – and it;s still riding strong in the hearts and minds of people who are awakening to abuse.
If you’ve ever had your thoughts, feelings, opinions or beliefs completely squashed like a bug under your shoe – you’ve known gaslighting.
It’s the highest way to manipulate, and it’s extremely commonly used with narcissists.
It’s almost pathetic, isn’t it? These people are so predictable.
I’ve got some beautiful news for you…
You can shut them down!
#1 “Your Reality is Yours, Mine is Mine”
What you’re doing here, is completely offering them the idea that two accounts can both be acceptable. Who says what the narcissist alleges, is anywhere near true?
Rather than argue against it, giving them exactly what they want – offer them this. You know what you believe, and they can think what they like.
Mic drop!
#2 “It Seems This Truth is Difficult For You To Hear”
Ouch! Somebody get the narcissist a band aid!
The truth is hard for anybody who refuses to believe anything other than what they tell themselves.
What you’re doing is telling them that – and I don’t promise they’re going to love it…!
This is about you becoming stronger, and transferring some empowerment into the way you handle their games.
#3 “This is My Boundary. I Ask That You Respect Them”
Boundaries are a sure fire way to scare off any narcissists (not that they will admit to being scared!)
You are not a doormat, so you don’t deserve to be walked all over.
You are your life story’s main character- nobody has the right to change that.
Least of all the narcissist.
Refusing to have any boundaries moved around will allow you to keep them in place – and keep control.
#4 “I Will Not Continue in a Conversation Where I Don’t Feel Appreciated or Heard”
Another moment you get to call the shots. The attempt for an adult conversation rarely results in seeing one where narcissists are involved. They love to drag you to verbal and emotional places you feel most unsettled.
Informing them you’re walking away if you’re not being appreciated proves to yourself that you’re worthy.
We need more of this, please!
#5 “If You Can’t Take Blame, I Refuse to Take Responsibility”
Works both ways, right?
Narcissists will not like you mirroring their attitude back to them, but…
You’re doing it in a way to defend yourself. Their poor attitude is not your responsibility. Don’t let it be handed to you on an egotistical plate!
Besides – where narcissists lurk – blame always follows.
They just cannot help themselves!
#6 I Am Not Engaging Any Longer”
They can forget it! The obsession with wanting to trick you into believing what they want is sickening, but it only works if you engage and give them exactly what they want. Without your input, they’re just talking to themselves (quite fun to watch, you’ll all agree!)
#7 “That’s a Very Interesting Perspective. I Need Some Time To Think About it”
Telling the narcissist that you need time to think about something?
Keeping them waiting?
Have you lost your senses?!
No, you’re gaining them. And it will shut down the narcissist immediately. They don’t need your silence, that’s their job, remember?
Take note here, because you aren’t being rude, you’re just pushing them back from your space so they don’t steal it and remold it how they want.
#8 “Can You Be More Specific Here, With More Information?”
This is a very effective way of shutting down a narcissist who is gaslighting you.
Go on? I’m listening. Be more specific for me, please.
Watch the discomfort. Allow their fumbling, bumbling response to make you smile on the inside. They seriously won’t know what to do with themselves.
Usually, narcissists love to be asked to talk more, but this is one occasion where that’s simply not the case.
#9 “Okay”
Oh, you went there. You went straight in with the gray rock. Good for you!
‘Okay’ gives nothing away. It doesn’t feed the narcissist what they want to hear. It doesn’t allow you to show any emotion. It shuts down the entire process of attempted gaslighting.
If you use this one, I am very proud of you.
#10 “I Trust Myself”
Exactly! And that is what this is all about, isn’t it?
You do trust yourself. Not only are you highlighting that to the narcissist, you’re also reaffirming it to yourself in an otherwise moment of losing yourself to their manipulation all over again.
Ideally, I’d want all of you to trust yourself, but if it feels that’s slipped somewhat since you met the narcissist, it’s time you started believing it again.
#11 “I Know That’s Not True”
Of course you know it’s not true. Living with a narcissist is like living a constant lie, and I do not doubt in my mind that you are going to have been pulled out of your reality more times than you’d care to recall.
Knowing that whatever they say isn’t true is one thing, but saying it aloud for them to hear is quite another. It will shut them down quicker than you can blink.
#12 “I Appreciate That May Be Your Reality”
Appreciating that the narcissist has a different kind of reality to you is a way of agreeing to disagree.
The narcissist will want this to go only one way: you agreeing with them. That’s not how life works; the sooner they realize that, the better.
You need to show them that you cannot and will not be pushed around. It’s not up for discussion or debate.
Standing firm in your beliefs is how you keep the narcissist from changing them, and it’s only people who sacrifice their boundaries who will begin to see the erosion in their self and identity.
Keep appreciating their reality, and know that your version is where the truth is. When you intend to keep these separate, you intend to keep an important part of yourself alive.
How To Outsmart The Narcissist?
Outsmarting a narcissist might seem like something you would never be able to do.
Think of all those times that toxic person has made you feel small, or even nothing. The idea of outsmarting them won’t come naturally to you, right?
Wrong!
You can absolutely outsmart a narcissist. They won’t see it coming, they won’t see you coming – and it will be a shock to their narcissistic system!
Finding ways to outsmart a narcissist can be fun, and it will put you right back in control of your life.
So, let’s see a show of hands to see who’s with me?
Narcissists: The Truth Behind the Mask
Narcissists!
You’ve likely encountered them at some point in your life, right? That’s why you’re here!
Narcissists walk into a room and act like they own it, even if they’ve just walked into your kitchen. It’s incredibly frustrating.
Masters at creating a toxic air of confidence and superiority, narcissists hide behind their mask. Behind it all? Insecurity and neediness!
You know it well, I’m certain!
Narcissists can be charming and persuasive when they want to be.
They’re also incredibly convincing at it.
But don’t be fooled.
Their charm is a well-rehearsed act designed to get what they want, whether from you or from others.
They thrive on control and manipulation, and will do what it takes to continue this weird game of human chess they are experts at.
Understanding the core of a narcissist is crucial for all of us – especially you.
Beneath all charm and smiles, they are often fragile. They fear their true selves being exposed – and they do all they can so that doesn’t happen.
This fragility makes them dangerous, but it also makes it possible to outsmart them.
Once you know what exactly is lurking behind the mask, you’ll be much better equipped to deal with their toxic tactics.
They Think They’re So Clever!
Narcissists believe they are the smartest person in the world, and nobody else compares even marginally.
They convince themselves of this, and do their best to convince others too.
They use their quote-on-quote “intelligence” to dominate conversations and situations, which only makes others feel inferior. Is this a familiar story to you?
It is to so many people, sadly.
The narcissist has a deep sense of superiority, which acts as a double-edged sword.
Yes, it fuels their confidence and bravado. But also, it makes them vulnerable to being outsmarted. If you think about it, anybody can outsmart them, and it certainly doesn’t take much at all.
Their arrogance blinds them to their own weaknesses, which can backfire on them!
What does this mean? Well, it means the narcissist can sometimes really underestimate others.
Good news for you though – as this overconfidence is where you can find your edge.
Dealing with a narcissist requires more than just holding your ground; it’s about understanding their playbook and using their own tactics against them. They think they’re so clever, but with a little knowledge and strategy, you can turn the tables.
You? Really? …
Yes! Really!
You’re here because you’ve had enough of the narcissist’s mind games, right?
Outsmarting them is now a healthy option for you, and you should definitely do all you can to do it.
If the narcissist is your friend, boss, family member or lover – the time has come to regain control and peace of mind.
You’re so not alone.
Many people struggle with how to handle narcissists effectively.
The key?
Outsmart them!
Let’s get to the good bit…
How to Outsmart a Narcissist
#1 Be Firm – Set Your Boundaries!
Narcissists are known to thrive on pushing limits, no matter who they belong to. Oh yes, expect boundaries to be constantly tested. They will look for your weakness and then exploit them, until now, that is!
The first step in outsmarting a narcissist is to get your boundaries as firm and clear as possible. This means being completely transparent about behavior you will accept, and what behavior you won’t.
Don’t stop short at setting boundaries, you have to enforce them too. When that narcissist attempts to walk all over them, you have to calmly and consistently push back.
Make your language clear – and assertive. No, they won’t like it, but hey, this isn’t about them anymore, is it? The less emotion you apply, the better. After all, narcissists feed off any kind of reaction.
Composure is key, just like consistency.
#2 “Gray Rock”
The gray rock method is such an empowering tool when dealing with any narcissist.
The idea of gray rock is to make yourself as uninteresting and unresponsive as possible.
You might think that sounds easy but it does take a little practice to get it just right.
Remember, narcissists crave drama and seeing you act ‘overly-emotional.’ By being boring and unengaging, you deny them that very satisfaction they seek.
Bingo!
When they try to provoke you, be bland. Be the human equivalent of vanilla.
Avoid showing anger, frustration, excitement – any of it. Over time, they are strongly likely to lose interest in trying to manipulate you because you’re not giving them the fuel they need.
You’ve become so boring!
No…. I am just doing my best to outsmart your attitude…
#3 Deflection – Master It!
Narcissists love to put you on the spot – it’s their attempt to make you feel uncomfortable.
One way to tackle this is to master what I like to call the art of deflection.
Whenever they try to criticize or undermine you, that’s when you redirect the conversation. Ask them a question that shifts the focus back onto them or onto a neutral topic.
I’ll give you an example.
They criticize your decorating work at home (how predictable, right?)
Now you respond with, “Interesting point. What do you think about the weather lately?”
It sounds crazy, but it really throws them off and totally stops them in their tracks.
#4 Information is Preparation!
Ah yes, narcissists will often use misinformation and lies to manipulate everybody else.
You can outsmart them here by being well-informed and prepared. Do your research, re-check facts, and even have evidence to back it all up.
Many people I know have been known to write down information or revert to old texts for screenshots to prove their points.
This will all reduce the narcissist’s ability to use deception against you.
This is all about concrete information – and who can argue with the facts?
#5 Gather Your Support System
It’s not uncommon for narcissists to isolate their victims to assert themselves and gain more control.
You can maintain a strong network of people you love and trust. Seek support from anybody you know who may understand the situation you’re in, and who can provide advice.
Encouragement is also heavily advised here!
Having that crucial support system will help you stay grounded in your reality. When a narcissist is trying their best to get to you, you have people you can rely on to turn to.
Let’s start unlock that potential!
