Surviving anything with a narcissist takes a lot of effort on your part, and a healthy dose of knowledge as to how these people operate!
When Thanksgiving rolls around, things have the ability to get very messy extremely quickly.
That’s why it’s wise to step up and assert yourself, knowing you can survive the Holiday.
I’ve got 11 ways you can do that right here, and I promise you will come out of it smiling.
#1 Take regular breaks from them
Thanksgiving normally finds most people in situations where there are at least a handful of family members coming together to celebrate.
That’s when you make the most of it, especially if you want to survive this Holiday with a narcissist.
Now is your chance to go and explore the people you chose to spend the day with.
Catch up on what people have been doing throughout the year, go for that little walk around the block by slipping out of the house post-meal unnoticed. You don’t have to be glued to their side.
#2 If you hardly see them – keep that in mind
It’s the one saving grace that gets so many people through Thanksgiving; the idea that you may only actually see them once or twice a year.
While those times may be filled with drama and stress, try to at least think about how tomorrow will be better when you are back in your house, and they are back in theirs.
This is so helpful in at least managing that anxiety about having to see them and spend time with them.
#3 Prepare for sabotage in advance
Listen, you know the kind of person the narcissist is, and you are aware of the damage they can cause when they really start stirring the pot of drama.
You’ve been there before when it’s kicked off, and you’ve seen them tease and ridicule their way under somebody’s skin.
Maybe that somebody was you. The sabotaging aspect of a narcissist has a great way of overtaking the actual day and what it stands for, and if you let it, will ruin the whole mood.
If you can at least prepare for something to go off, you won’t be as surprised when it actually does.
#4 Find an ally
With every family gathering, there always has to be an ally; a person you can kind of spend most of your time either with, or near.
These are usually those who possess similar traits to you, who are kind, a little funny, caring, and willing to have an actual conversation that involves listening and speaking in equal measures.
So get hooked into that ally, because I guarantee they will also be looking for something similar in you, too.
#5 Implement boundaries
You’ve got to head into all the Holidays with firm boundaries that you will not budge on.
Promise yourself that you won’t get involved with gossip, arguments, or be pulled into a narrative that isn’t true.
You will not be gaslighted, and you will not give too much information about your life away to the kinds of people who can manipulate what you tell them, and trigger you.
It’s far easier to keep polite, keep your distance, remind yourself of your worth and not feeling guilt or shame when your boundaries are implemented.
It will be worth it, I promise.
#6 See through the sabotage
Sometimes you just have to look at the amount of times the narcissist has either directly sabotaged, or tried to sabotage Thanksgiving to think, “Right. I need to be a step ahead of the game this year.”
I know it’s hard, because a part of you will want to hope that it will be different this year.
You want to have a nice time, and will do everything you can to see the best in the narcissist.
Let me tell you. It’s far easier for you to prepare for them to press the destruct button.
#7 Go without them!
Hey, I’m here for all kinds of advice and this particular point is obviously going to be contentious.
Can you go without the narcissist? Is it possible to say, “I will go see my family, and you go see yours?”
Having said that, the worry may turn to constant texts or phone calls from wherever the narcissist is on the day while you’re there alone.
Would that be better than actually being around them?
It’s your call, but some people find it a little better knowing they don’t have to deal with the presence of the narcissist at the main meal.
#8 Give them as little as possible
Once at Thanksgiving, with your family surrounding you, it’s your opportunity to give everything, or give as little as possible.
This is where I always advise the latter. That way you won’t give the narcissist any ammunition to use against you at a later date.
Your news is your news, and your life is your own.
Choosing to not share means you choose to keep your life private and away from the harm of the narcissist.
#9 Avoid too much alcohol
I know it can be tempting to pour the wine or crack open the beer to help keep the stress at bay, but I urge you to think about how you will feel after the initial buzz has died off.
Alcohol isn’t the best idea, so the best thing to do is enjoy a glass, but keep it simple and light if you don’t want your emotions to rise at the worst time.
#10 Don’t react
The narcissist wants your reaction, and they will have all the games in the world up their sleeve ready to attack you while claiming to be innocent.
I know. It’s probably the worst talent a person can have!
When you are slowly cornered by a narcissist, they are waiting for you to burst at any given moment.
They will chip and prod and push you until you snap back, and when you do, it will be your fault.
The narcissist clutches their pearls and looks shocked to the core.
What did I do wrong?
They know perfectly well. And you will be known forever as the person who blew up Thanksgiving.
#11 Remember your worth
Remembering your worth will naturally help you keep busy throughout the Thanksgiving Holiday.
Make the event what it is; bigger than the narcissist. You don’t need to listen to them when they try to tell you in their own toxic way that you aren’t good enough.
You don’t need to absorb what they deem as the truth.
You instead should shift your focus on yourself and all the things you accomplish, even if that’s simply being a good, kind person.
Be interested in making Thanksgiving the special day it deserves to be for you, and take yourself to a mental place where nobody else can touch or change that.
Your worth is not determined by that of anybody else, but this is real work, people. You have to believe it, even if you need to convince yourself first.
I believe in you, so start believing in yourself!
Happy Thanksgiving!
