Listen, we all know narcissists are capable of causing so much pain, but what do we really know about the levels of it that fundamentally cause pain to be the center of your life?
These aren’t just singular, little moments where you feel hurt. These 11 things regularly happen to you, and by them.
There are no accidents here.
And so I present you with the type of list that will open your eyes and see the narcissist for the dangerous creatures they truly are.
My hope? For you to realize their destructive nature and walk away while you can!
#1 Lie about loving you
Love should be valued and shared, with honesty and loyalty. We all know what love should feel like, but narcissists will act as though they are offering those things to their victims, and the victims will mistake it for love.
I like to say that even though love should be valued, you should value yourself more. If you aren’t doing that, then you cannot truly allow somebody else to love you.
Narcissists will pretend and act as though they care, but the reality is, they just want to hook you, and reel you in. There’s nothing more to it as far as they’re concerned.
A person who lies about love should never be trusted, but you must first see the love as a lie to know this.
#2 Make you believe them
This can be about love too, but it’s also about everything else. It’s about all the times they do something wrong, and ask you to cover for them.
It’s about telling you they were stuck in traffic even though they were with that coworker you don’t know about.
Eventually, all these little things will surface, and you will wonder why you believed them so much. But let me tell you this, they’re very good at what they do.
Don’t blame yourself for falling into a trap that was laid out for you, masquerading as something else.
Believing a narcissist is painful, but only when you realize that what you believed were nothing but lies and pretense.
#3 Take away your spark
The spark is your essence, and we all have it. Whether you’re a quiet or loud type of person, our spark is what sets us apart, and what excites us.
And it could be anything right? But narcissists don’t want you to sparkle.
They want to dull you down to the point where nobody can see you or even notice you when you’re right next to them.
So where does that leave you? It leaves you feeling like you’re not important.
It leaves you feeling as though you have nothing to offer anybody else. It leaves you feeling empty.
Nobody has the right to take away your spark and replace it with pain, but narcissists enter your life and slowly yet surely make sure it happens that exact way.
It’s one thing to have a bad day and argue with the person you love, but it’s quite another to purposely intent on ruining their lives and causing the level of pain that they do.
This is what happens, and you are going to need to ensure your spark can be reignited the moment you kick that narcissist right out of your life.
#4 Leave you second guessing everybody and everything
What kind of a life is it where you are constantly questioning the intentions or actions of everybody you know?
I know for me, I couldn’t do it. Yet survivors of narcissistic abuse become accustomed to treating their lives with this deep level of suspicion. It’s sad, but it’s the reality for many.
You want to know if people are who they say they are. You want to know if people are being honest with you.
You want to know if it will all go wrong six months down the line.
You’ve been hurt too much, and now everybody has been tarred with that same brush.
#5 Drop you like a hot potato
When they don’t need you, they will not hesitate in dropping you like you were yesterday’s newspaper.
As hard as it is to hear, the narcissist will do this to literally everybody they know if it means they can keep playing their sick games.
You were nothing special, and you never were. Those who will follow in your footsteps will equally not be special either, and you have to realize that if you want to see that this whole thing wasn’t your fault at all.
It hurts to be dropped by somebody you thought loved you, I get it.
But these are narcissists, and they will never change.
#6 Cheat
Narcissists cheat. Whether they’re signing up to dating sites behind your back, messaging their ex on social media, flirting with the women at the gym, or flat out physically sleeping with somebody else.
They can’t help it, it’s in their DNA to pump up their insecurities at all times, and they will do whatever it takes to make themselves feel good.
#7 Play down your successes
When things go well for you, you want to hear people you love and care for cheer for you. We all do, that’s what support systems are all about, right?
Narcissists don’t. They can’t. They don’t know how to be happy for anybody else because that happiness feeds attention, attention they aren’t getting.
So if something good happens to you, you can forget it. In time, guess what? You learn to not celebrate them either.
#8 Play up your mistakes
Oh, it all changes when you realize your mistakes are being aired out for the whole world to see!
The narcissist will never let you live any of them down, and as far as they’re concerned, why should they?
You messed up! Let’s all laugh and make a joke out of it because that way, it makes them look even more perfect.
To top it all off, you’ll hear:
You’ll never hear or see me making that kind of mistake!
Whatever!
#9 Future fake
You stay in the relationship because you hear such good things coming in your future with the narcissist.
You’re going to travel here, do that, experience this, be present for that, attend that event, and heck, somewhere in the next 18 months you’ll become engaged.
Far out!
Except it’s all lies, and those lies are intended to keep you hanging on, waiting for a miracle that never appears.
And it can hurt a lot.
#10 Invoke fear into you
Fear of being alone, fear of being you, fear of following your dreams, fear of celebrating who you are, fear of loving too hard, fear of not being enough for anybody…
I could go on and on with the fears but what you’re looking at is a total shift of character based on your fears. That’s got to hurt, hasn’t it?
It doesn’t have to be this way forever, you know.
#11 Make you doubt the intentions of genuine people
Good people exist! You might not realize that as you glance at those you encounter with suspicious eyes.
And you’d be right to be cautious. People can be who they say they aren’t all the time.
But treating everybody like they’re a narcissist is a way to keep your heart sad, and yourself without true connections as your life moves on.
Heal, and heal knowing that you can make friends and find love once again.
