I know what you might think…
“I don’t fully hate myself, it’s just the usual parts that anybody might moan about.”
No, it’s not. It’s not normal to hate yourself.
If you think it is, you’ve been programmed to believe the most devastating concept designed by people intent on making your life miserable.
I don’t agree with this, and I want you to see how slow and vindictive it is.
Nobody deserves to hate themselves, but here’s 11 ways narcissists slowly convince you to do it.
Sly Conditioning
Conditioning is the process of training somebody to react or behave a certain way. You might have seen it being researched in pearly psychology, with dogs conditioned to hear a bell and know they will get food.
Fast forward to now, and it’s become a way for narcissists to get you to hate yourself.
It’s slow, sure. Over time, it’s almost as if it isn’t even happening. Then, one day, you wake up, and you don’t know who you are anymore.
You can’t recall a time you thought you were good at something, attractive, or confident.
It’s sly, but that’s the middle name of narcissists. The only act they take on quickly is the act of charm, and that’s only because fast work equals fast hooks.
So, now let’s get to those 11 ways!
#1 By Isolating You
When you’re isolated, you have nobody to turn to in need. When you’re screaming out for support to find that there isn’t a soul with your back – well that’s a lonely place to be.
I don’t know about you, but I overthink if I spend too much time alone.
I don’t know how to stop it, but I do know how it makes me feel. I worry. My mind flits back to the past where I could have done something differently, or to the future, wondering what it will look like.
Getting out of my head is easy with people around me and a good routine in place that takes care of my well-being.
It’s called balance.
There is no balance when you’re isolated and pulled from the people you love.
In fact – there’s only one person left to rely on and that’s the narcissist.
I wouldn’t trust a narcissist as far as I could throw them, so I’d never need or want to rely on one.
However, people do, and that’s where you can be convinced of all the ways you suck as a person, and believe those reasons.
#2 Giving You No Love
It’s not uncommon to be given zero love from a narcissist.
Oh, they’re brilliant at telling you, but shows of affection are completely off-limits.
If anything, they will only show they love you through acts of finance.
Flowers.
A meal out.
A new car.
Love itself?
It doesn’t exist.
If a person doesn’t feel loved, they won’t feel lovable.
#3 Neglecting Basic Needs
Remember the little things you used to do for yourself that made you feel good?
Enjoying a nice bubble bath.
Washing and ironing your clothes.
Drinking plenty of water.
Where did it all go?
You do those things if you really need to, and only in an essential manner.
You’re too busy fretting or trying to please the narcissist.
You’d rather cook them the steak salad, while you go for plain toast.
Why?
Because their happiness means more to you than your own.
That’s what you’ve been programmed to believe, and that’s what makes you hate yourself.
#4 Never Putting You First
Nobody is above the narcissist.
Not one person is more important than them—and I’m really sorry to have to tell you this, but that’s never going to change (I promise).
You can hold out hope, but ultimately, you’re going to be let down when you realize all the while you’re with them, that’s how it will be.
Loving relationships equals being made to feel like you matter. You have to matter to them, right? That’s the whole reason they’re with you?
That would be the case in normal circumstances, but not this one.
If you’re never put first, you will probably start despising yourself.
#5 Gaslighting You
You’ve heard it before, and I will still keep churning out the warning that gaslighting is evil and conniving. The narcissist knows this, but their job is to amuse themselves by ripping your reality from you.
When you don’t know what is what anymore, your self-doubt will convince you you are a terrible person.
#6 Criticism
If you’re told enough times that you’re fat, thin, lazy, useless, bad at cooking, hilarious when you try to work out – each criticism acts as another chip off your confidence.
Soon, there won’t be much left.
#7 Refusing Sex
Sometimes, people aren’t in the mood, right? Long day, getting over being sick, tired – the reasons are there – and that’s fair.
A refusal to have sex is another – because it is purposely withholding an act of intimacy; a way to express love.
If you keep getting rejected, you’ll soon think the problem is you.
#8 Convincing You How Unlovable You Are
They can do this by outright telling you.
I don’t know what ever attracted me to you. You’re so unlovable.
You’ve spent all your time with them being convinced – of course you will also believe this!
#9 Telling You To Quit Your Job
You know, I think this job is out of your league, and that’s why you aren’t enjoying it.
Narcissists will think of reasons for you to quit. Quit socializing, quit having a purpose to get out of bed for each morning, and cutting you off from financial independence…
…So you end up having more time to pull yourself apart needlessly.
Be careful, here.
#10 Training You To Forget Your Needs
The demanding side of a narcissist is strong and toxic enough for you to forget who you are.
You don’t matter. What makes you happy? It doesn’t matter. What do you need to do to take care of yourself? It doesn’t matter.
Eventually, your needs are flushed down the toilet, and as you watch them swirl the drain, you feel you weren’t worth them in the first place.
#11 Hobbies? What Hobbies?
You won’t know. They’ve been plucked from your hands and thrown into the trash.
What you once loved has now become a distant memory. What one brought you joy is now missing. So where is the joy? There is none.
Watch out for narcissists who tell you to stop your hobby because it’s ‘silly,’ or, ‘lame.’ The hidden message they give you is that you are silly or lame.
This subliminal name-calling leads to extreme levels of self-loathing.
