I know what you might think…
“I don’t fully hate myself, it’s just the usual parts that anybody might moan about.”
No, it’s not. It’s not normal to hate yourself.
If you think it is, you’ve been programmed to believe the most devastating concept designed by people intent on making your life miserable.
I don’t agree with this, and I want you to see how slow and vindictive it is.
Nobody deserves to hate themselves, but here’s 11 ways narcissists slowly convince you to do it.
Sly Conditioning
Conditioning is the process of training somebody to react or behave a certain way. You might have seen it being researched in pearly psychology, with dogs conditioned to hear a bell and know they will get food.
Fast forward to now, and it’s become a way for narcissists to get you to hate yourself.
It’s slow, sure. Over time, it’s almost as if it isn’t even happening. Then, one day, you wake up, and you don’t know who you are anymore.
You can’t recall a time you thought you were good at something, attractive, or confident.
It’s sly, but that’s the middle name of narcissists. The only act they take on quickly is the act of charm, and that’s only because fast work equals fast hooks.
So, now let’s get to those 11 ways!
#1 By Isolating You
When you’re isolated, you have nobody to turn to in need. When you’re screaming out for support to find that there isn’t a soul with your back – well that’s a lonely place to be.
I don’t know about you, but I overthink if I spend too much time alone.
I don’t know how to stop it, but I do know how it makes me feel. I worry. My mind flits back to the past where I could have done something differently, or to the future, wondering what it will look like.
Getting out of my head is easy with people around me and a good routine in place that takes care of my well-being.
It’s called balance.
There is no balance when you’re isolated and pulled from the people you love.
In fact – there’s only one person left to rely on and that’s the narcissist.
I wouldn’t trust a narcissist as far as I could throw them, so I’d never need or want to rely on one.
However, people do, and that’s where you can be convinced of all the ways you suck as a person, and believe those reasons.
#2 Giving You No Love
It’s not uncommon to be given zero love from a narcissist.
Oh, they’re brilliant at telling you, but shows of affection are completely off-limits.
If anything, they will only show they love you through acts of finance.
Flowers.
A meal out.
A new car.
Love itself?
It doesn’t exist.
If a person doesn’t feel loved, they won’t feel lovable.
#3 Neglecting Basic Needs
Remember the little things you used to do for yourself that made you feel good?
Enjoying a nice bubble bath.
Washing and ironing your clothes.
Drinking plenty of water.
Where did it all go?
You do those things if you really need to, and only in an essential manner.
You’re too busy fretting or trying to please the narcissist.
You’d rather cook them the steak salad, while you go for plain toast.
Why?
Because their happiness means more to you than your own.
That’s what you’ve been programmed to believe, and that’s what makes you hate yourself.
#4 Never Putting You First
Nobody is above the narcissist.
Not one person is more important than them—and I’m really sorry to have to tell you this, but that’s never going to change (I promise).
You can hold out hope, but ultimately, you’re going to be let down when you realize all the while you’re with them, that’s how it will be.
Loving relationships equals being made to feel like you matter. You have to matter to them, right? That’s the whole reason they’re with you?
That would be the case in normal circumstances, but not this one.
If you’re never put first, you will probably start despising yourself.
#5 Gaslighting You
You’ve heard it before, and I will still keep churning out the warning that gaslighting is evil and conniving. The narcissist knows this, but their job is to amuse themselves by ripping your reality from you.
When you don’t know what is what anymore, your self-doubt will convince you you are a terrible person.
#6 Criticism
If you’re told enough times that you’re fat, thin, lazy, useless, bad at cooking, hilarious when you try to work out – each criticism acts as another chip off your confidence.
Soon, there won’t be much left.
#7 Refusing Intimacy
Sometimes, people aren’t in the mood, right? Long day, getting over being sick, tired – the reasons are there – and that’s fair.
A refusal to being intimate is another – because it is purposely withholding an act of intimacy; a way to express love.
If you keep getting rejected, you’ll soon think the problem is you.
#8 Convincing You How Unlovable You Are
They can do this by outright telling you.
I don’t know what ever attracted me to you. You’re so unlovable.
You’ve spent all your time with them being convinced – of course you will also believe this!
#9 Telling You To Quit Your Job
You know, I think this job is out of your league, and that’s why you aren’t enjoying it.
Narcissists will think of reasons for you to quit. Quit socializing, quit having a purpose to get out of bed for each morning, and cutting you off from financial independence…
…So you end up having more time to pull yourself apart needlessly.
Be careful, here.
#10 Training You To Forget Your Needs
The demanding side of a narcissist is strong and toxic enough for you to forget who you are.
You don’t matter. What makes you happy? It doesn’t matter. What do you need to do to take care of yourself? It doesn’t matter.
Eventually, your needs are flushed down the toilet, and as you watch them swirl the drain, you feel you weren’t worth them in the first place.
#11 Hobbies? What Hobbies?
You won’t know. They’ve been plucked from your hands and thrown into the trash.
What you once loved has now become a distant memory. What one brought you joy is now missing. So where is the joy? There is none.
Watch out for narcissists who tell you to stop your hobby because it’s ‘silly,’ or, ‘lame.’ The hidden message they give you is that you are silly or lame.
This subliminal name-calling leads to extreme levels of self-loathing.
How To Outsmart The Narcissist?
Outsmarting a narcissist might seem like something you would never be able to do.
Think of all those times that toxic person has made you feel small, or even nothing. The idea of outsmarting them won’t come naturally to you, right?
Wrong!
You can absolutely outsmart a narcissist. They won’t see it coming, they won’t see you coming – and it will be a shock to their narcissistic system!
Finding ways to outsmart a narcissist can be fun, and it will put you right back in control of your life.
So, let’s see a show of hands to see who’s with me?
Narcissists: The Truth Behind the Mask
Narcissists!
You’ve likely encountered them at some point in your life, right? That’s why you’re here!
Narcissists walk into a room and act like they own it, even if they’ve just walked into your kitchen. It’s incredibly frustrating.
Masters at creating a toxic air of confidence and superiority, narcissists hide behind their mask. Behind it all? Insecurity and neediness!
You know it well, I’m certain!
Narcissists can be charming and persuasive when they want to be.
They’re also incredibly convincing at it.
But don’t be fooled.
Their charm is a well-rehearsed act designed to get what they want, whether from you or from others.
They thrive on control and manipulation, and will do what it takes to continue this weird game of human chess they are experts at.
Understanding the core of a narcissist is crucial for all of us – especially you.
Beneath all charm and smiles, they are often fragile. They fear their true selves being exposed – and they do all they can so that doesn’t happen.
This fragility makes them dangerous, but it also makes it possible to outsmart them.
Once you know what exactly is lurking behind the mask, you’ll be much better equipped to deal with their toxic tactics.
They Think They’re So Clever!
Narcissists believe they are the smartest person in the world, and nobody else compares even marginally.
They convince themselves of this, and do their best to convince others too.
They use their quote-on-quote “intelligence” to dominate conversations and situations, which only makes others feel inferior. Is this a familiar story to you?
It is to so many people, sadly.
The narcissist has a deep sense of superiority, which acts as a double-edged sword.
Yes, it fuels their confidence and bravado. But also, it makes them vulnerable to being outsmarted. If you think about it, anybody can outsmart them, and it certainly doesn’t take much at all.
Their arrogance blinds them to their own weaknesses, which can backfire on them!
What does this mean? Well, it means the narcissist can sometimes really underestimate others.
Good news for you though – as this overconfidence is where you can find your edge.
Dealing with a narcissist requires more than just holding your ground; it’s about understanding their playbook and using their own tactics against them. They think they’re so clever, but with a little knowledge and strategy, you can turn the tables.
You? Really? …
Yes! Really!
You’re here because you’ve had enough of the narcissist’s mind games, right?
Outsmarting them is now a healthy option for you, and you should definitely do all you can to do it.
If the narcissist is your friend, boss, family member or lover – the time has come to regain control and peace of mind.
You’re so not alone.
Many people struggle with how to handle narcissists effectively.
The key?
Outsmart them!
Let’s get to the good bit…
How to Outsmart a Narcissist
#1 Be Firm – Set Your Boundaries!
Narcissists are known to thrive on pushing limits, no matter who they belong to. Oh yes, expect boundaries to be constantly tested. They will look for your weakness and then exploit them, until now, that is!
The first step in outsmarting a narcissist is to get your boundaries as firm and clear as possible. This means being completely transparent about behavior you will accept, and what behavior you won’t.
Don’t stop short at setting boundaries, you have to enforce them too. When that narcissist attempts to walk all over them, you have to calmly and consistently push back.
Make your language clear – and assertive. No, they won’t like it, but hey, this isn’t about them anymore, is it? The less emotion you apply, the better. After all, narcissists feed off any kind of reaction.
Composure is key, just like consistency.
#2 “Gray Rock”
The gray rock method is such an empowering tool when dealing with any narcissist.
The idea of gray rock is to make yourself as uninteresting and unresponsive as possible.
You might think that sounds easy but it does take a little practice to get it just right.
Remember, narcissists crave drama and seeing you act ‘overly-emotional.’ By being boring and unengaging, you deny them that very satisfaction they seek.
Bingo!
When they try to provoke you, be bland. Be the human equivalent of vanilla.
Avoid showing anger, frustration, excitement – any of it. Over time, they are strongly likely to lose interest in trying to manipulate you because you’re not giving them the fuel they need.
You’ve become so boring!
No…. I am just doing my best to outsmart your attitude…
#3 Deflection – Master It!
Narcissists love to put you on the spot – it’s their attempt to make you feel uncomfortable.
One way to tackle this is to master what I like to call the art of deflection.
Whenever they try to criticize or undermine you, that’s when you redirect the conversation. Ask them a question that shifts the focus back onto them or onto a neutral topic.
I’ll give you an example.
They criticize your decorating work at home (how predictable, right?)
Now you respond with, “Interesting point. What do you think about the weather lately?”
It sounds crazy, but it really throws them off and totally stops them in their tracks.
#4 Information is Preparation!
Ah yes, narcissists will often use misinformation and lies to manipulate everybody else.
You can outsmart them here by being well-informed and prepared. Do your research, re-check facts, and even have evidence to back it all up.
Many people I know have been known to write down information or revert to old texts for screenshots to prove their points.
This will all reduce the narcissist’s ability to use deception against you.
This is all about concrete information – and who can argue with the facts?
#5 Gather Your Support System
It’s not uncommon for narcissists to isolate their victims to assert themselves and gain more control.
You can maintain a strong network of people you love and trust. Seek support from anybody you know who may understand the situation you’re in, and who can provide advice.
Encouragement is also heavily advised here!
Having that crucial support system will help you stay grounded in your reality. When a narcissist is trying their best to get to you, you have people you can rely on to turn to.
Let’s start unlock that potential!
