11 Ways How They Fool You Into Thinking They Are Not a Narcissist

Narcissists are pure masters of disguise who will fool you into thinking they’re caring and confident souls who care deeply.

Beneath that outer charm lies a level of selfishness you won’t comprehend.

 How do they pull it off? 

Well, narcissists use very clever tactics to hide their true nature, making you believe they’re not who they really are. 

So, by the time you realize the truth, it will be too late. 

Allow me to uncover everything…

The Fool’s Game

The game of fools was invented by one.

Being fooled by a narcissist is nothing to be ashamed of, yet so many people feel that when they realize what’s going on. 

If you can see a good side to somebody toxic, they will ensure you never see their bad side. 

11 Ways Narcissists Fool You Into Thinking They Aren’t a Narcissist

#1 Charming First Impressions

You know the narcissist to be everything that destroys mental well-being. Each time you hear the word ‘toxic,’ you think about all the punishing ways people under the spell of narcissism are treated. 

The insults.

The mocking.

The anger.

The silent treatment.

The control.

The lack of accountability.

The invisible apologies.

So it’s no wonder the charming illusion can knock a person right into next week.

You aren’t a fool for falling for the charm, but you’d be a fool to stay once you uncover the truth. 

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#2 Selective Generosity 

One minute, they love to shower you with gifts and treat you like royalty. The next, they pull everything away from you and act as though you’re nothing but a pain to them. 

It’s like offering you a safe space to sit in, and then unleashing a dozen tigers into that space.

You think you’re okay until they prove you’re not – and it’s all caused by them.

Eventually, feeling safe will become less and less frequent, and feeling unsafe will be where you are most likely to remain. 

Those moments you do feel safe will be when they try to show you how genuine and authentic they are…

…Don’t buy it!

#3 Playing the Victim

Narcissists are known for being the kind of person where nothing wins against them.

Believe me when I say that they’re so capable of playing the victim, it’s unreal.

They will stop an entire village of people working if it means they get the kind of attention they;re searching for. 

So there you are, trying to see them as evil and awful, but they’re so good at proving otherwise in a single moment.

Their eyes are full of sadness, and their tails drop – they’re like a dog without a treat.

But they’re still a narcissist!

#4 The Magic Mirror!

You’ll be swept away into a sea of blissful unawareness, and all the while, you feel like you ‘have so much in common with them!’ This is called mirroring.

Oh wow, you like that band? I’ve seen them five times in concert!

I thought I was the only person who loved peanut butter and banana on toast!

I love that you love those values. For me, it’s exactly the same. We are so alike. 

The narcissist will do what they can to make it seem like you’re two peas in a pod. It’s how you fall in love…

…And into their trap!

#5 Blaming Others

Hey. I’m the innocent guy here!

It’s not me. It’s everybody else.

I’m just trying my best to do what I can.

If you were to adhere to these statements, you’re likely to give the narcissist the benefit of the doubt, maybe even feeling sorry for them!

And you can’t feel sorry for somebody so toxic, which means they can’t be a narcissist, right?

Right?

WRONG!

#6 The Emotional Rollercoaster That Is

Now, I need you to read this clearly:

If a narcissist was bad all the time, there would be no appeal.

Did you get that?

Emotional rollercoasters are how you stay seated in an environment that you should be leaving.

With every three negative things that happen, you’ll get one, which is a great thing. That’s how the narcissist plays you and how they keep you. 

Narcissists will convince you that toxic people are always toxic – and prove they aren’t by a false kind of positive for you. 

Don’t buy it.

#7 Strategic Compliments: Lower Your Guard

Every now and then, if you receive warm, kind and loving words from the narcissist, they will be able to cover their tracks and keep you fooled.

Oh, you look beautiful. I am so lucky to have you in my life.

I love you so much, you mean everything to me.

How can they be a narcissist, when they’re so full of love and affection?

Easily…

It’s fake.

Do not lower your guard.

#8 Questioning Yourself

Hey, I think you’re acting a little crazy. 

Do you think it’s worth asking yourself if you really feel that way? It seems so unlike you.

If a narcissist wants you to self-reflect, it’s because they’re trying to convince you to see yourself one way only. 

The way they want you to see yourself (which is always negative).

#9 “You Don’t Need Anybody!” – Creating Dependency

Fooling you into believing you don’t need anybody other than them is a dangerous game. Many narcissists are successful in this, isolating their victims until they can fully take charge of their thoughts and feelings. 

Do this!

Don’t do this!

Don’t speak to that person. You’re too good for them.

I don’t like you speaking to the neighbors. They’re nosey.

I don’t like how your mom treats you like a baby. It’s time to cut her off.

I could go on and on.

It serves to do one thing:

Cut you off and cause you to be dependent on just the narcissist.

This is fooling you in a way that makes you think they have your best interests at heart…

…They really don’t!

#10 Fear Via Control

A narcissist will ask you what you’re scared of, and present you with that very thing just so they can protect you from it.

Read that again.

The narcissist wants to save the day. They want to be the ones you run and cling to.

Little do you know that they caused the problem or the fear in the first place. 

When you experience the very fear they create – ask yourself if you are being saved or if you’re being fooled.

#11 The Perfect Image

The perfect image does exist for those who refuse to dig under the surface. 

Narcissists have a surface that is coated with perfection. They love to be the ones everybody gravitates toward, and you’re left thinking, “This person has it all. They’re so liked and amazing!”

Of course, they aren’t.

But that’s all part of their plan to fool you even more!

How Do Narcissists Manipulate Their Partners?

Narcissists are happiest when they have a partner they can twist, manipulate and control.

They love to be part of something where everybody else is smaller and less powerful than they are. Their lives have meaning, just as they feel they should daily.

There are specific ways a narcissist will manipulate their partners, though. As troubling as it may sound, these are textbook ways – and that’s where you need to pay close attention.

If this sounds like your situation, that’s because it likely is.

“My Reality is Fact!”

The reality is that you’re being manipulated by someone who has had much practice. They’ve been exactly where they are now, except with different victims. 

“You’re Nothing!”

Being told how worthless you are does a few things.

For the narcissist, it brings them to a new level of control and manipulation. If you hear something enough times, you will start to believe it. 

You believe it even more when you’re treated that way alongside those words. 

It’s all a tactic, created to destroy your hopes and dreams, your identity, and how you carry yourself each day. 

Where you once stood tall, you now slouch and try to be invisible.

That’s exactly how the narcissist wants you. 

“It’s Your Fault, Not Mine!”

Narcissists project to get whatever they’ve done wrong out of the light. They don’t want their faults or inappropriate actions to be spotted, and so they throw you out there instead.

So everybody looks at you. The narcissist looks at you as if they feel let down by you. 

And you feel that shame, because you take it on. And you take it on because they’ve pushed it so far into you that you have no choice. 

This design is set up to get them off the hook.

Thank God you are there for them to treat you this way – without you – they just might look like the bad guy.

Phew for them!

“…”

That’s right, the good old silent treatment. The way narcissists do this is by completely shutting down and ignoring you. 

If you’ve experienced it, I don’t need to tell you how uncomfortable it is. It induces panic, fear and worry, and like all things narcissists do, it is unnecessary. 

The silent treatment acts to give you nothing at all, so it’s easy for the narcissist to say, “Well, I didn’t say anything horrible. I wasn’t mean,” Then make excuses for them being quiet. 

When you’ve been given the silent treatment, you are left to your own insecure devices.

What did I do wrong?

How can I fix this?

What can I do to make them happy?

I must be a terrible person.

What’s going to happen next?

Do you need this?

No.

Yet they make it so prevalent in your world. 

It isn’t fair. 

“I Must Cause Fallout”

 What is life without a little drama? Actually, it’s quite nice. But then again, I’m speaking as an emotionally healthy person, and not a narcissist. 

The idea that drama is of such greedy interest to the narcissist is one that never fails to shock me. Why would anybody want to be in the middle of so much negativity?

Narcissists do. As people and emotions explode around them, they can act and do what they like and not be seen to be doing anything wrong at all.

Be careful here – narcissists want to pull strings to see a certain dynamic. 

If you’re a part of that, you will suffer. 

“Poor Me…”

The victim mentality of a narcissist can stop the most believing people in their tracks.

It’s all been too much for me.

I try my best.

I don’t know what I do wrong to upset people. 

I wish people would understand me.

These phrases tug at the heartstrings of those who want to give them the benefit of the doubt, and sadly – yes – it works. 

Narcissists always want to look as though they’re being wronged.

This injects:

• Guilt
• Shame
• Self-blame
• Self-loathing
• Insecurity
• Worry
• Anxiety
• Depression

In their partners, and they know this. 

They just don’t care.  

“Bringing You Back, Get Ready!”

Let’s take you back to a time where we were so in love, and everything was perfect!

We are so great, you and me. It was us against the world!

Think about all that passion we had. You’re never going to be able to find that anywhere else.

Oh, the manipulation game is strong with these kinds of phrases. They love getting you at your most vulnerable, reflecting on the distorted nostalgia between you.

It’s enough to make you paint over all the cracks in between, isn’t it? And there were a lot of those. 

What’s manipulative about this is the narcissist’s attempt to invite you to ignore their abuse, and only focus on the good (which was likely to have felt magical!) 

Don’t get sucked into this black hole.

“I Will Tell Everybody!”

Uh-oh. What’s that supposed to mean?

I think you and I both know this is not going to end well with you,

Narcissists will tell whoever listens what a horrible person you are and how you wronged them. They may stretch as far as saying that you are the cheater, you hurt them, you spread lies about them and you’re the manipulative one. 

It’s frustrating for victims, but beyond that, it’s absolutely destructive. 

Suddenly, your reputation is in tatters. It’s all based on the false word of the narcissist, who, by the way, is likely loving seeing your house of bricks fall down while their house of cards remains. 

“Nice, But Not!”

You go out, they act like the perfect partner.

You get home, and they ignore you.

You did this wrong, you did that wrong, you didn’t pay them enough attention, you flirted with that person.

Whatever it is, the charm will switch off. The mask will inevitably slip.

This is where the narcissist has learned not just to manipulate you but also to manipulate everybody else, too. They all think, “What a nice person. They’re such a good couple.”

Also the best one, 

“You’re so lucky to have them as your partner!”

Oh boy, if only they knew the truth, right? 

The truth is, you aren’t lucky. The narcissist is just very clever. They know buttons to press, when to press them, who to press them with, and they are always ready for it. 

You on the other hand then find it even more difficult to convince people of the truth.

This is the sole reason why narcissists manipulate – to make you look like the crazy one eventually, and for them to be the victim.