In this world, we want to take whatever happiness we can get, right? Those moments that should bring us unfiltered joy are stolen by these toxic thieves.
Their insistence to turn the happiest times into nightmares only seek to bring them some kind of warped joy that shouldn’t exist.
Then what? Then you end up even more hurt and confused than you were before.
Here are 11 ways they do that.
#1 Starting fights before that big event
You’ve not got long before you head out the door to that important/fun/planned event that you’ve had on your calendar. You’re dressed, you feel good, and you’re ready to go.
Only what happens? Your happiness quickly turns sour when the narcissist storms along and cropdusts their toxic mercy all over it.
Everything from being angry for no reason, going silent on you, criticizing what you’re wearing, complaining that they don’t want to go, saying they don’t feel well, telling you they don’t like your friends – the list can go on.
If they can get away with starting a fight to ruin your mood, they will do exactly that.
#2 Giving gifts that insult you
You got a treadmill for your birthday and the narcissist in your life tells you that they ‘thought it was a fun idea to get you moving.’
You get a new washing machine for Christmas because ‘the drum was never big enough for the duvet.’
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They come home from work with flowers for you, with a yellow reduced sticker on the wrapping. But you ‘should be grateful.’
It’s insulting, but the narcissist wants to take your joy away by letting you know that you’re nothing but a commodity to them, and one who only deserves the reduced flowers.
#3 Withholding affection during milestones
You went to college later in life, but you did so with the intention of improving your life.
On the day of your graduation, your narcissist looks like they could not care any less than they do.
They avoid eye contact, regularly sigh throughout the day and check their phone or watch.
They act bored, and they don’t even congratulate you. No hugs, no kisses, no photos.
For you, it feels like they may as well not be here, and it becomes the main focal point of your day rather than what you’re actually trying to celebrate.
#4 Stealing your thunder
If it’s a special moment for you, narcissists love to come in and take that away. And not all of them do so in the same way.
Some might feign illness and draw attention to themselves. Others may have ‘huge news’ themselves to share.
Some may even come in looking like a million dollars and swan around the event like some kind of celebrity.
It’s all designed to swing you into darkness, so the light can shine on them. They can’t possibly be happy that you are having your time.
It’s difficult for any narcissist to do that, and as a result, you feel like you’re living a real-life nightmare.
This is a classic move, and one I feel like I should warn you all about if it hasn’t already happened to you.
Sadly, narcissists only ever really care about themselves. Your thunder is theirs to steal.
#5 Going missing and silent while you wait for them
Where were you supposed to meet? It doesn’t really matter, because all you know is you’re waiting there but the narcissist is failing to show. You try to call, but you get no answer, and that thing you were meant to do together is now failing to even launch.
The thing is, they know you’re waiting for them. They know exactly where they’re supposed to be, they just don’t care.
If they’re late, so what? If they ‘forget,’ so what? And one of the worst ways they can react is by laughing at you for all the missed calls, almost making a mockery out of the fact that you care so much.
In truth, they’re pleased you care, that’s the kind of attention they want.
#6 Mocking your excitement when you share good news
Good news should be shared, but the problem comes when you are mocked for your excitement, like it’s a bad thing.
In fact, narcissists are jealous that you are able to express yourself in an excited way without caring about what you look or sound like. They can’t be that vulnerable.
So when you are excited, they drag you down and make you feel like you’re doing something wrong.
#7 Starting arguments after intimacy
You’ve just had the most wonderful intimate time with the narcissist, and you feel like you really connected.
You’re on a high, and you want to just lay together and chat about nothing and everything, but the narcissist has other plans.
They want conflict. They’ve felt as though they’ve been pulled a little too deeply into the world of closeness, and they fear it so much that they will do anything to shape and shift the atmosphere.
So they pick a fight with you.
#8 Interrupting your moments of peace
When you’re feeling like you’re at one with the world, or having a hard earned break from the stresses you have to deal with on a daily basis, along comes the narcissist to ruin it all.
Your peace is precious, and it should be protected. As it stands, you don’t know what it’s like to have that serenity without the anticipation of a narcissist who is keen to keep you hypervigilant.
Soon enough, peace becomes about interruptions, and life never has a moment for you to breathe properly.
#9 Downplaying your accomplishments
When you do something well, expect never to be even noticed for it.
One of your happiest moments turns out, yet again, to be a nightmare as you look to the person you love for just a simple, “You did so well.” This isn’t validation, this is people supporting people and that’s what we should all be doing.
You won’t get that with a narcissist.
They will downplay every little thing that you do to make it seem like what you’re doing isn’t a big deal.
That doesn’t mean it isn’t.
#10 Sabotaging your progress
Throwing a spanner in your achievements is part and parcel of wanting to wipe the smile off your face, and narcissists will do that if given half a chance.
Your progress will be slowed down or stopped entirely if they can help it, but you have to look at this level of abuse as something you can control a lot more than you think.
#11 Criticizing your hobbies or passions
When you love something, you should be able to freely explore it without the rolling eyes, petty comments or general darkened mood of the narcissist.
If you aren’t living your life loving what you do, then they will consider each and every negative comment thrown at you as ways they’ve officially won.
And you will feel lost. What do you do now? What do you like? You don’t need anybody’s permission to love and have hobbies. This is your life, not theirs.
