Sleep is precious! Without it, who are we all?
As much as it’s normal to have the odd rough night of sleep if things are shaping up to be too much, regular bouts of sleeplessness will start to affect you in many ways.
When you’re living with a narcissist, you can be sure to point the finger of blame at them.
They sabotage your sleep, and I want to bring you 11 ways they do it.
They are all huge red flags!
#1 They pick a fight at bedtime
Bedtimes are the perfect time for narcissists to pick fights. You’ve had a perfectly reasonable day, and suddenly it all comes crashing to an end the moment you tell them you’re off to bed.
Perhaps you’re just drifting off, and the narcissist finds reason to have a sudden problem with you.
It’s no coincidence this happens right before you sleep; it’s all done by design. If you can’t sleep, then you don’t function as well as usual the next day.
It doesn’t take long before you start to suffer mentally with little to no sleep, either, and that’s when narcissists can really ramp up their abuse.
#2 They ‘lose something’
Can you help me find my keys for the morning?
You’re acting like you don’t even care that I can’t find my work phone. I need it for tomorrow.
If you aren’t going to help then it says more about you than me.
Being cornered to help look for something you didn’t lose (and likely neither did they) is a classic way of them holding sleep hostage until you cave into their demands.
Narcissists love nothing more than to watch you try to find something they know they haven’t lost, just to see how willing you are to help them in a crisis.
#3 Ask you a question about a past argument
Do you remember when we fell out last year because you didn’t like me going on that work trip? Tell me why you didn’t want me to go again?
It still bugs me from time to time.
You can feel your eyes rolling, as you just got comfortable and settled to sleep.
But here comes the narcissist with their built-in jolts to wake you and keep you from enjoying the moment.
It’s a pretty big coincidence that this is done right before bed, so your mind is flooded with thoughts that stop you from being able to wind down and switch off.
#4 “Can we talk?”
Uh-oh. This could go anywhere, and it probably will, knowing the narcissist. They want to talk, and you want to sleep.
The subject of the talking doesn’t really matter to them, as long as there is some kind of attempt to be deep and meaningful, which may not be something you witness often with them.
That will make you want to sit up and listen, and they know that.
This is why you will find it happening right before bed, making you feel stuck.
You want to be there for them, and that people-pleasing part of you will be backing that up, so you put sleep down the list of your priorities.
This is what they do, folks. It’s never to ‘talk,’ it’s always to sabotage.
#5 Poke, prod: “You were snoring”
I appreciate that a snoring partner isn’t the most ideal way to relax at night, but narcissists will constantly wake their partners if they’re being disturbed. The idea is:
If I can’t get any sleep,then neither can you.
So they wake you, letting you know that you are a pain, even accusing you of purposely doing it to keep them awake.
Most disturbingly, even if you aren’t snoring, the narcissist will still pretend you are just to wake you up and break your sleep.
#6 They leave their phone on loud on purpose
Beep, ping, ring!
All night!
And you say, “Please, can you just turn it off?”
But no. Narcissists are far too self-entitled to think they aren’t needed 24/7, so the phone stays on loud.
Maybe they go as far as to set alarms that go off in the night and pretend they don’t know what it is.
#7 They give you a bad day
A bad day always run-up to a bad sleep, and I don’t think you need me to tell you that.
You go to bed thinking about all the stress in your body and mind, and this makes it extremely difficult to switch off and get the shut eye you need.
So the bad day ends up being a bad sleep, if any at all, and the stress continues to run and even grow in those small hours.
#8 The daily stress of living with them
There’s never just one thing sometimes, is there? It can be all the aspects of living with a narcissist pulled into one, and some days are far worse than others.
On those bad days, when you’re feeling needlessly guilty, ashamed, confused, or low, sleep just doesn’t come naturally.
I think it’s just not thought of enough, and by that I mean victims sometimes need to consider the bigger picture, and exactly how their lives look.
When you spend too much time with toxic people, you are not going to always be resilient to their abuse.
#9 “…Can you get me…”?”
No! The answer should be no!
You don’t need to go grab them anything. They are an adult with legs, and they’re capable of getting what they need.
Narcissists are aware of this, and may pretend to be unwell just so you can serve them.
That will always be at the most inconvenient time to you, but again, this is where they sabotage your sleep.
You will not rest until they have everything they need, so you’d better prepare to be called upon until they think you’ve had enough.
#10 The silent treatment
SIlence is left wide open to interpret however you want, and if you live with a narcissist, it’s rare you will ever assume the best in any situation.
If you are being given the silent treatment, you will automatically direct yourself to, “What have I done wrong?
What did I do? Why are you mad at me? What can I do to make it better?”
These questions can run into the night and turn into thought overdrive. Will that help you sleep? Absolutely not!
#11 Fear of sleeping next to them
There’s just something you can’t put your finger on, but you do know that sleeping next to them gives you an unhealthy level of discomfort that you cannot shake.
You know you don’t feel good around them, and when you’re asleep, you have no idea what they’re thinking up next, or even if they’re recording you, taking a photo of you, or conjuring up their next narcissistic attack.
Over time, you develop a fear of being so vulnerable next to them.
If they’re this cruel toward you when you’re awake and aware, imagine the potential of damage they can reach when you’re asleep?
This is enough to scare some victims, who become too scared to close their eyes.
