Before you met the narcissist, you were probably far more likely to be able to go to bed, fall asleep, and stay there.
Now they’re in your life, trapping you with their games and ego, it’s harder to get that rest, especially when they force you to stay awake.
If you’ve never thought of it like that, I urge you to consider how these 11 ways are actually what keep you from sleeping, and how long term, that may not be a great thing for you.
#1 “We need to talk”
Just as you are taking in your last sights of the day and beginning to close your eyes, the narcissist decides it’s a perfect time to raise an issue – any issue – about your relationship.
Now, in reality you know there are probably a thousand things that could be discussed, but in all your waking time, the narcissist pays zero attention to any of them.
And now it’s time to finally get some sleep, they want to sit up and discuss it because they feel like it?
They may as well just say:
Don’t even think about getting any sleep tonight.
#2 “I don’t feel good”
Oh, right. Here we go. The narcissist is sick, and yet again, it falls into the most inconvenient of times.
It’s not that I don’t have a heart, I do! I just know narcissists well enough by now to be moderately aware that they pick and choose when they want to express they’re unwell.
And yeah, it’s either nothing or some form of mild headache that they want to tell the world about, but if they tell you, the loyalty within you will kick in and you will stay up to nurse them all night.
#3 “I’ve been struggling”
Mental health is no joke, and I urge you to be there for anybody who is struggling and in your life.
Narcissists play the mental health card, and it is extremely low on their part.
However, yes, they will tell you they’re struggling, and they know you won’t be able to shut off and go to sleep knowing that they’re finally opening up to you.
It’s what you’ve waited for!
You are all ears, cup of hot coca in hand, to listen to their woes.
Just be very careful here, because for the most part, they are doing it to force you to stay awake rather than offload genuine worries.
#4 “I’ve lost my…”
It’s a quarter to midnight, and you are tossing the couch cushions onto the floor looking for a set of keys, a phone, a diary; anything of importance to the narcissist who ‘needs it for the next day.’
You’ve been wired to think that if you help them and find it, you will forever be in their good books. Well, I have a newsflash for you:
The good books of a narcissist don’t exist.
You can look all you want, but the truth is you’re being forced to stay awake as a test of your helpfulness, and how badly you want to serve the narcissist’s needs.
#5 “Why have you been funny with me today?”
Remember that time that didn’t exist today, where you were funny with the narcissist?
Yeah. They want to talk about it right as you are warming your toes up under the sheets.
I don’t know if you want to know this, or if you even want to admit it, but you are not the problem.
The narcissist will try to convince you to look for ways in which you are, but I urge you to step back and see reality.
Morning, noon and night, they are the problem.
#6 The phone
The phone-scrolling, am I right? I mean, it screams narcissism.
You are laying in bed, ready to fall asleep, and the narcissist is sitting next to you, with their phone screen on its brightest setting.
And they may look at you with a frown and say, “What am I doing wrong, I’m not making any noise.”
That’s not the issue though, is it? The issue is the tapping next to you, and the little giggles if they read something funny.
#7 The light
Light goes on.
Light goes off.
Lamp goes on.
Flashlight goes on and off.
What is happening?!
Just as you are trying to shut your eyes, you are annoyingly disturbed by the narcissist, who just does not seem to care that they are keeping you awake.
In fact, I will tell you a secret:
It’s done on purpose to keep you awake.
#8 The noise
You’ve tucked yourself up for the night, right as the narcissist decides to go through the kitchen cupboards looking for a snack.
But they don’t just open and close doors orally, they have to slam them all.
They don’t just go to the bathroom. They have to slam the door, put the music on while they’re in the shower, and flush the toilet five times.
Then there’s talking on the phone. The narcissist decides to call a friend or family member and talk at the top of their voice.
Why?
Because they know you’re trying to sleep.
If you speak to them, you’re trying to ‘silence them.’
#9 The moving around
Don’t assume that just because both you and the narcissist are in bed with lights out that you’ll get a peaceful night’s sleep.
Narcissists have a disturbing way of tossing and turning in bed, not because they can’t get comfortable, but because they know with every move, you’re not getting any sleep.
You will get more and more frustrated with every ‘accidental’ shin kick.
Then guess what?
You’re wide awake, just as they drift off into a nice slumber.
Nothing, I repeat nothing is worse.
#10 “You’re snoring…”
What? But you know you never snore, yet the narcissist has woken you four times tonight telling you off for snoring.
Surprise surprise, you stay awake through guilt and end up slogging your way through the next day, eyes half open.
This classic tactic is a lie, and is meant to manipulate you into thinking you’ve done something wrong, when evidently, you have not.
#11 Then there’s the general anxiety
The anxiety a victim feels about their abuser really knows no limits.
It can soar up above the very clouds that you were told never to reach for, through their own fear of you becoming too big.
What did you do wrong that week? What might go wrong next week? Did you make sure their shirt was ironed for work?
What about your birth certificate, where did that go?
What if you don’t get any sleep and can’t function well the next day, throwing out every plan you had?
You see, these kinds of racing thoughts are only planted by somebody who makes you this way by nature.
Nobody is born anxious, it is determined by our environment, and who is invited into it.
When a narcissist is in your environment, I urge you to think about what that means for you being wide awake at 2am thinking about all the problems your anxiety has ballooned.
While you are wide awake begging for a lifeline, the narcissist is fast asleep.
