Have you ever been scared of money?
I don’t mean you’d jump out of your skin and run four blocks in either seconds if you stumble across a quarter.
I mean does the thought of not having any literally keep you up at night? What about the thought of spending it? Have you been severely limited in what you spend?
It’s time to ask these questions in your healing journey, because those questions help you discover where any fear of finances came from.
I’ll give you a clue – your narcissist played a big role.
Let’s look at 11 things narcissists do to keep you financially dependent.
Dependency and Narcissism
Narcissists recoil at the idea of relying on other people. They have to be the driving force behind every money move made.
Their underlying fear of being dependent on you needs to go somewhere, so it goes to you.
A gift you always wanted, right?
How You’re Kept Financially Dependent By The Narcissist
#1Telling You To Quit Your Job
What happens when you quit your job? Unless you’ve got a new one to go to, there isn’t going to be a regular source of income for you.
What happens if or when you want to get your haircut or if you need new clothes?
What about your own direct debits? It’s tricky, isn’t it? Looking at what’s spent, you might think, “Woo, that all really adds up.”
Of course it does. You might enjoy your local gym membership, or the monthly movie trip with your sister.
Those little things you love to do are impossible without a job.
So when you hear, “You don’t need to work. I can take care of us both on my wage,” don’t listen or believe it. Taking away your independence leaves you dependent on them.
#2 Convincing You To Like Cheap Things
Narcissists do this in a way that you won’t even realize.
Shopping in the supermarket and pointing out all the cheaper items, making them sound delicious.
Looking at clothes together and spotting the ones that cost (and possibly look) the cheapest so that you think that’s what they’d prefer to see you in.
Telling you to buy a used car on its last legs and convincing you that it will do the job you want it to do.
It’s all to get you to think that cheap is best, and don’t get me wrong, cheap isn’t always bad.
But your worth in some items will be taken away with the price cut, and that’s how you will start to see yourself over time.
#3 Guilt Tripping You For Spending Money
And when you do spend money – even if it’s yours – you will be made to feel bad about it!
Where did this come from? How much did that set you back?
I had no idea you were so well off!
So what if you spend money? If it’s yours and it doesn’t affect any bills being paid, then what’s the deal?
You can be guilt tripped enough into curbing your spending altogether, so beware.
#4 Taking Away Your Bank Cards
Well, if you can’t spend any, then none will go out of the account at all…
…And you will just have to ask if you need anything.
Imagine what kind of a life that might look like.
#5 Suggesting a Joint Account
This spells trouble if you have a lot of money that the narcissist wants access to.
If you start to adjoin your finances, be prepared for them to go on a spending spree, and for everything you’ve saved and earned to disappear literally overnight.
#6 Babies … Lots of Babies
Having the baby of a narcissist means you’re likely to be off work for a time. And right as you’re due to go back, along comes baby number two.
This is a typical pattern in narcissistic relationships and is designed to keep the victim at home, not only with no cash but having to look after their children, too.
It’s stressful raising a family and feeling as though you’re doing it alone, with no money even for emergencies.
#7 Complaining About Bills
Have you seen our water usage for the past quarter?
How long are you in that shower for?
This is ridiculous!
You’ll have to cut back on how many showers you take a week!
Complaining about bills means you’ll nip in and out of the shower in seconds.
You’ll not be keeping yourself warm at home. You’ll never use the phone again, so contact with people you know becomes less frequent.
The list goes on, it indeed does.
#8 Refusing To Allow You Access To The Accounts
If the accounts have both your names on it, then you are legally entitled to access to them all.
However, narcissists will disregard this and tell you that they changed the password because they had a text from the bank and then fail to tell you the new one.
I’m busy with work, I will speak to you about it at the weekend.
It’s all being taken care of. I don’t know what you’re worried about.
Their excuses run and run, while you’re no better off, with no evidence of outgoings or incoming monies.
#9 Pulling You Away From Studying or Courses
At one time or another, we have all had goals or dreams. High hopes to be this, or work here, or do that.
It’s entirely possible that the narcissist in question never got very far in life, and doesn’t want the same for you.
I know this for a fact, because it happened to somebody I have worked with in previous sessions.
She wanted to go to college.
Her dad told her it was a waste of time.
She didn’t go and ended up in dead-end job after dead-end job.
All because she assumed he was right – it was all she was destined for.
What this did was make her stay home longer. Her minimum wage jobs meant she couldn’t save that quickly, or get out and make a life of her own.
And that also became a problem… So you see, there is no winning this kind of game.
#10 Gaslighting You
You don’t need to work. What for?
Money isn’t important. You’ve got everything you need here.
I think you’re being a little too ambitious with your work, don’t you?
To be talked out of earning means you will be talked into not having your own money supply.
Narcissists work hard to try to convince people of these kinds of thoughts, and will sway their minds with ease.
#11 “In Power – In Control”
All the power goes to the narcissist when they take it from you, and finances are more than just a money currency, they are a power currency.
Ultimately, this is the reason they want to make you financially dependent. They cannot live or survive unless the power is theirs alone.
