When you’re at the point where it’s:

You 1 – Narcissist 0…

…It’s time to celebrate.

More than that though, it’s time to reflect and see how you got to the point where you’ve actually beaten them.

Many victims think this is impossible, but you’ve proven it can be done.

So, what did you need to do so? How did you beat them exactly?

I have 11 signs where you know you’ve done a good job at it…

Are You Here Yet?

Oh how I wish for you all to be right here, right now! All that time of being under the controlling thumb of the narcissist has to stop sometimes, and I so wish it was down to you taking control and saying, “No more!”

It takes a lot of time and realization to get to that point, and I know you all have it in you to beat toxicity directly.

What Beating The Narcissist Feels Like

If you had been under the spell and control of somebody so frightfully manipulative, how would you feel?

• Empowered?
• Relieved?
• Scared?
• Uncertain?
• Anxious?
• Happy?
• Thankful?
• Free?
• Guilty?

None of these emotions are wrong – it’s a time for real mixed emotions and I don’t imagine any is going to be the sole emotion you’d feel. We chop and change as the days pass, and there’s no right or wrong.

11 Signs You Have Beaten The Narcissist

1. You Don’t Miss Them

So let’s look at all the ways you know you’ve beaten the narcissist.

What a joy to wake up every morning and not have to soothe your aching heart.

The worst thing about missing somebody is all the memories you pluck from your mind to reinforce their absence. When that becomes your norm every day, life can get pretty tough.

Beating the narcissist begins with that beautiful realization that you actually don’t miss them any longer.

You don’t miss the 5% good times versus the 95% bad. You don’t miss a thing.

This means a little more than that too, as missing them is often linked with the attachment you had with them.

Feeling as though you wouldn’t let them go because of that ‘bond’ will have had you pining for them for far too long.

Now – all of that is over, and you feel freer!

2. You Begin To Rebuild Your Life

It’s not easy rebuilding your life after narcissistic abuse. Most people don’t even know where to start because all they’ve experienced is being told what to do, and what not to do (either directly or indirectly). 

Suddenly there you are, with a world wide open ahead of you, and you’re responsible for how to fill it all.

As daunting as that can seem, beginning to do that is how you know you’ve beaten the narcissist. 

It takes courage to rebuild. It is admirable to pull together what’s left of your confidence and self-esteem to feel worthy enough to do so.

This is a huge step in beating the narcissist. 

3. Goodbye to Guilt

Guilt goes right out the window the second you start beating the narcissist!

You don’t sit there any more, cowering over what was and feeling bad about it.

Nobody tells you to inject shame into your thoughts, opinions or actions. You don’t have that dark cloud of manipulation over your head.

And now? You own your choices. You don’t reflect on the past and feel terrible about outcomes. 

The only reason you felt guilty when you were with the narcissist is because taught you how to take responsibility for their actions and behavior.

But none of it was you.

4. The Happiness Creeps Back In

Happiness will slowly start to filter its way back into your life as you beat the narcissist. You’ll start to enjoy everything again.

From music, exercise, baking, catching up on your favorite shows, meeting friends, and even enjoying work!

All the things the narcissist held you back from or criticized you for will start to make a reentry – and you will love it.

5. Acceptance – It Is What It Is

Okay, okay – it’s a phrase that can divide people! 

Truly though – your past happened, and the person you thought was perfect turned out to be a narcissist.

You no longer mull it over, wish it worked out differently, regret it, or punish yourself. 

It is what it is.

Acceptance.

This happened, I can’t change it. I am now going to live my life and close that chapter. 

6. You No Longer Feel Responsible

Why should you? Their moods aren’t your problem, and they never were.

The difference now is that you’re awakened to it, and it feels immediately lighter than it did. 

Knowing you aren’t responsible for the narcissist, how the relationship played out, or their behavior in general means you can finally feel what it’s like to be free – and innocent!

7. You Don’t Care To Play

Games? Sure! You love a board game, or a card game.

Narcissism games? No thanks.

You’re done. You were there, unknowingly played it for a time, and now you’re done. 

You won’t be drawn in or tempted; nothing they say or do will make you want to be a part of it again.

8. The Hoovering Doesn’t Work

Oh look, here comes the narcissist. They’re going to tell me that they love me. They’re going to tell me that they can’t live without me. They’re going to apologize.

Wait, what’s this? A new technique?

Suddenly, they up their game. They turn up at your work with flowers. They ask you to marry them. They book a weekend away for you, and all expenses are paid. 

But you?

No!

You don’t buy it. You’re not interested, and you see these gestures for what they are:

Empty ways to hoover you back and begin that cycle of abuse all over again. 

9. You Laugh Rather Than Cry

Laughing is good for the soul, and it’s clear you’ve missed out on a lot of that with the narcissist. 

You find your laughter all over again when it comes to beating them. 

Crying has been how you’ve previously coped, and now you’re discovering a lighter zest for life. 

What a way to prove that you can rise above it all!

10. You Look After Yourself

Started to care about what you look and feel like? Giving yourself opportunities to eat well instead of poorly?

Have you started to work out, or do something that raises those happy hormones?

What about sleep? Making sure you’re getting more of that, and better quality?

That’s because you’ve beaten the narcissist, and you no longer have to listen to them try to bring you down every single day. 

11. They Turn To Another

Fed up with trying to play games that no longer work, the narcissist will eventually tire of you and move on to a new supply.

Be thankful if this happens. You’ve proven they can’t get to you and know this about you too.

You’re Shocked to See Where Narcissists Really End Up!

Narcissists just seem to annoyingly have it all, don’t they? 

You might think to yourself, “How do they get away with so much?”

Well, honestly, it’s because they’re experts at playing the game they wrote.

It can all change though, dear reader. And indeed – it does.

Where the narcissist ends up is going to shock you, and make you realize just how one moment can alter everything.

Narcissists: The Perfect Life

It’s the perfect painted picture, isn’t it? Narcissists want to be perfect, and they try very hard to ensure that image is kept up, no matter what.

They will make out like nothing is their fault. They want to be hard workers, so people know just how seriously they take their responsibilities.

They love to honor themselves by providing the best material goods you can think of. They want that nice car, big house, fancy clothes, and the latest phone.

On paper, they have it all. They project the perfect life to the world, so that world sees them as perfect. 

What Do You Think?

Of course, we know they aren’t perfect – far from it, in fact!

There’s a part of some people who are really familiar with narcissists who know the trajectory ahead.

Before I get to that point though, I want you to think of one narcissist that you know. They might be a family member, a friend, somebody you work with, or even your spouse. 

Once you have them locked firmly in your mind, I want you to think about how they are right now.

Are they more impossible than usual? Maybe they have a past of always getting what they want, and just being extremely lucky. 

They have good health. They have great contacts. They live in a nice house that you wish you owned. They don’t seem to rattle many cages, and they’re well respected both personally and professionally. 

It’s all unfair, isn’t it? Especially when you know who they really are.

Without You..

This is the worst part – the part you know and are familiar with…

…Narcissists are nothing without you. They build their entire egotistical empire on making you feel the worst you’ve ever felt, and that’s what causes them to exceed even their own expectations.

But as soon as you throw a spanner in the works – as soon as the dynamics shift in any way, the narcissist’s mask and character begin to crumble.

They realize they cannot function without knowing they can openly abuse you at any moment.

They want it to continue for as long as possible, but they know it can’t because you’ve gone, left, or figured out who they are.

You’ve discovered the truth. 

And That Is Why They Need You

They can’t play their game unless you sign up for it, and when you walk away, the game is officially over. 

You have to remember this, friends, because it’s what is going to get you through your worst days with the narcissist:

They truly need you more than you need them.

You’ve been programmed to believe you need them and cannot survive without them, but that simply isn’t the case. 

The reality is that they can only do what they do because they have an open door to it.

When you shut that door, everything changes.

The Downfall

The downfall is almost immediate but not necessarily obvious to all. 

You’ll notice a withdrawal. The narcissist is temporarily at a loss. Yes, they can move onto their next victim, but what if they have run out of people to manipulate? 

What if there is no charm left in their charm bucket?

It’s easy to notice narcissists look lost when they don’t know how to operate the people around them to their advantage. 

They’ve used up all their options, and now it’s time to watch the demise. 

…Even The Deterioration!

I have had conversations in the past with people I’ve met or know about their narcissistic parent. 

When they were younger, the parent thrived knowing they could power play their children and spouse.

Work was busy and they were always trying to produce ways to make everybody around them feel small.

As they aged, so did their character.

It became harder to manipulate children who were suddenly adults, with more power to hold a thought, opinion, or goal they wanted to achieve. 

They feel lost, and try to claw control wherever they can. Often that can look like lashing out, or trying to triangulate wherever possible.

They play on their age, with phrases like:

I used to be so much fitter than I am now.

I’m getting older. Nobody understands or sees me.

I’m poorly. Nobody helps me.

I wish I could turn the clock back.

It’s really as if they’re playing their own sad violin song, isn’t it? You almost want to roll your eyes because you know they’re playing on their age.

Aging is actually a privilege not everybody gets to experience, and that’s something worth remembering. 

The problem with narcissists is how they use their age like it’s some kind of mental incapacitation. 

They’re still very able to be narcissists. 

They just fool less people.

Going Nowhere: Fast

The narcissist is declining! 

It’s fast-moving – and I have to say that if you think it’s enjoyable – you wouldn’t be the first person with that opinion. 

Finally, the day comes when not everything goes their way. 

People get fed up with them blowing hot and cold.

There’s a shift in how they feel they deserve to be treated.

They understand the correlation between feeling negative and being around the narcissist.

They start to want to achieve goals for themselves and understand the narcissist is the one who holds them back.

Life starts wanting to be lived, and all the while those people are growing into theirs, the narcissists are shrinking.

Narcissistic abuse is only possible when you consciously or subconsciously give yourself up to the narcissist. 

If you start to put yourself first, the narcissist has no choice. 

And no – they don’t like it – but guess what…

…It’s not up to them.

There’s Never a Happy Ending

When it comes to narcissists, they never have a happy ending. They are infamous for becoming more and more impossible in older age.

Their stubbornness becomes almost petulant. 

They crave being able to control the people they once did.

Their grudges are bigger than ever. 

They understand that they are not the person they once were.

Narcissists end up miserable, sad and lonely. They always were, but these emotions become more prominent as they age. 

They never start caring, nor do they regret how they have acted.

It would be your mistake to assume they ever will, or do.

How Do Narcissists Manipulate Their Partners?

Narcissists are happiest when they have a partner they can twist, manipulate and control.

They love to be part of something where everybody else is smaller and less powerful than they are. Their lives then have meaning, just as they feel they should every day.

There are specific ways a narcissist will manipulate their partners, though. As troubling as it may sound, these are textbook ways – and that’s where you need to pay close attention.

If this sounds like your situation, that’s because it likely is.

“My Reality is Fact!”

The reality is that you’re being manipulated by someone who has had much practice. They’ve been exactly where they are now, except with different victims. 

“You’re Nothing!”

Being told how worthless you are does a few things.

For the narcissist, it brings them to a new level of control and manipulation. If you hear something enough times, you will start to believe it. 

You believe it even more when you’re treated that way alongside those words. 

It’s all a tactic, created to destroy your hopes and dreams, your identity, and how you carry yourself each day. 

Where you once stood tall, you now slouch and try to be invisible.

That’s exactly how the narcissist wants you. 

“It’s Your Fault, Not Mine!”

Narcissists project to get whatever they’ve done wrong out of the light. They don’t want their faults or inappropriate actions to be spotted, and so they throw you out there instead.

So everybody looks at you. The narcissist looks at you as if they feel let down by you. 

And you feel that shame, because you take it on. And you take it on because they’ve pushed it so far into you that you have no choice. 

This design is set up to get them off the hook.

Thank God you are there for them to treat you this way – without you – they just might look like the bad guy.

Phew for them!

“…”

That’s right, the good old silent treatment. The way narcissists do this is by completely shutting down and ignoring you. 

If you’ve experienced it, I don’t need to tell you how uncomfortable it is. It induces panic, fear and worry, and like all things narcissists do, it is unnecessary. 

The silent treatment acts to give you nothing at all, so it’s easy for the narcissist to say, “Well, I didn’t say anything horrible. I wasn’t mean,” Then make excuses for them being quiet. 

When you’ve been given the silent treatment, you are left to your own insecure devices.

What did I do wrong?

How can I fix this?

What can I do to make them happy?

I must be a terrible person.

What’s going to happen next?

Do you need this?

No.

Yet they make it so prevalent in your world. 

It isn’t fair. 

“I Must Cause Fallout”

 What is life without a little drama? Actually, it’s quite nice. But then again, I’m speaking as an emotionally healthy person, and not a narcissist. 

The idea that drama is of such greedy interest to the narcissist is one that never fails to shock me. Why would anybody want to be in the middle of so much negativity?

Narcissists do. As people and emotions explode around them, they can act and do what they like and not be seen to be doing anything wrong at all.

Be careful here – narcissists want to pull strings to see a certain dynamic. 

If you’re a part of that, you will suffer. 

“Poor Me…”

The victim mentality of a narcissist can stop the most believing people in their tracks.

It’s all been too much for me.

I try my best.

I don’t know what I do wrong to upset people. 

I wish people would understand me.

These phrases tug at the heartstrings of those who want to give them the benefit of the doubt, and sadly – yes – it works. 

Narcissists always want to look as though they’re being wronged.

This injects:

• Guilt
• Shame
• Self-blame
• Self-loathing
• Insecurity
• Worry
• Anxiety
• Depression

In their partners, and they know this. 

They just don’t care.  

“Bringing You Back, Get Ready!”

Let’s take you back to a time where we were so in love, and everything was perfect!

We are so great, you and me. It was us against the world!

Think about all that passion we had. You’re never going to be able to find that anywhere else.

Oh, the manipulation game is strong with these kinds of phrases. They love getting you at your most vulnerable, reflecting on the distorted nostalgia between you.

It’s enough to make you paint over all the cracks in between, isn’t it? And there were a lot of those. 

What’s manipulative about this is the narcissist’s attempt to invite you to ignore their abuse, and only focus on the good (which was likely to have felt magical!) 

Don’t get sucked into this black hole.

“I Will Tell Everybody!”

Uh-oh. What’s that supposed to mean?

I think you and I both know this is not going to end well with you,

Narcissists will tell whoever listens what a horrible person you are and how you wronged them. They may stretch as far as saying that you are the cheater, you hurt them, you spread lies about them and you’re the manipulative one. 

It’s frustrating for victims, but beyond that, it’s absolutely destructive. 

Suddenly, your reputation is in tatters. It’s all based on the false word of the narcissist, who, by the way, is likely loving seeing your house of bricks fall down while their house of cards remains. 

“Nice, But Not!”

You go out, they act like the perfect partner.

You get home, and they ignore you.

You did this wrong, you did that wrong, you didn’t pay them enough attention, you flirted with that person.

Whatever it is, the charm will switch off. The mask will inevitably slip.

This is where the narcissist has learned not just to manipulate you but also to manipulate everybody else, too. They all think, “What a nice person. They’re such a good couple.”

Also the best one, 

“You’re so lucky to have them as your partner!”

Oh boy, if only they knew the truth, right? 

The truth is, you aren’t lucky. The narcissist is just very clever. They know buttons to press, when to press them, who to press them with, and they are always ready for it. 

You on the other hand then find it even more difficult to convince people of the truth.

This is the sole reason why narcissists manipulate – to make you look like the crazy one eventually, and for them to be the victim.