Hase somebody you love begged you to leave the narcissist yet? Maybe you hear those words a lot:
Please get out.
You need to leave before you waste any more time.
For your own sake, just let them go and move on.
And what? You’ve ignored them? Why? What are you trying to deny?
Being with a narcissist will strip you of any strong decision-making skills you once had, and leave you admitting defeat.
But there are 11 reasons why you have to leave ASAP.
When The Time Comes
You can circle and creep around a narcissist for years, did you know that?
You honestly can keep going and going and going, without so much as a step away to survey the damage you’re doing to yourself.
This is how it goes for so many. Victims come to me and say:
I stayed for so long.
I wasted so much time.
I wanted to leave, but I couldn’t.
They made me stay.
I don’t want to be this person any more.
I don’t know myself.
I wish I could take it all back.
And you know what I always say?
I say, It’s never too late to do something you want to do badly.
Leaving any abusive relationship can take time, especially if you’re trying to fix your finances or leave safely.
These 11 reasons are all signs that you need to step up and decide exactly how fast it is you want to go.
#1 Discovering They Will Never Change
It’s a hard one to face up to, but eventually all victims need to and should realize that the narcissist is just never going to change.
A lifetime could be spent searching for the person you want them to be, and even the person they promised they were when you met.
But let me tell you, there’s nobody of that description at home. You can gaze into the eyes and see what you want to see, romanticize everything they’ve told you.
The sooner you come to understand the lies that they were, the better it will be for you.
Victims have this clever way of drawing the narcissist, and what they draw is in stark contrast with the real character.
The problem begins when victims hold onto that drawing, and treat it like it’s the real thing.
It’s not. It’s a design made up of their dishonest nature, a few loving yet empty gestures, and the rest is your own ideology.
They won’t be that painting. They will never change.
#2 Your Goals Have Gone
When was the last time you set yourself a goal, and stuck to it? I bet it was a long, long time ago.
Since then, you’ve learned to keep quiet about where you want your life to go, and what you want to do with it.
Why?
Because the narcissist is always so quick to shoot any thoughts you have down. Laugh at them even, or mock you for having some kind of path ahead of you.
Where you want to plant seeds for your future, they want to dig them up and toss them in the trash.
After a certain amount of time, you become programmed to not plant anything else.
You’ve had enough of trying, and you don’t see the point. There’s no direction, so you’re free to float and wander, like that was your original destiny.
It wasn’t.
And it’s now time to leave.
#3 They Escalate Every Problem
Known to be the kings and queens of conflict, any problem you have will be multiplied by the narcissist.
It’s not pleasant to see, and I know from speaking to so many people I’ve helped to date that all they want is a calm home life.
But narcissists bring real rocky grounds through the front door, and it puts even the most resilient person to the test.
#4 Things Get Physical
I don’t have to tell you that physical abuse is completely unacceptable.
Pushing. Shoving. Forced Intimacy. Hitting. Slapping. Grabbing. Holding you down. If their hands are on you and you don’t want them to be – you’ve got yourself in a physical abuse situation.
It’s grounds for immediate withdrawal of the relationship, and I long for you to agree.
#5 You’ve Simply Had Enough
It’s all got to you, and there’s no way back.
You know, it does happen and it can happen to you. A mixture of everything just beats you down emotionally, and drains you like you were in a bathtub with the plug out.
And I don’t want you to underestimate this.
This is big. And it still counts as a good enough reason to leave.
#6 Cheating
Cheating is so divisive. Some people believe you can fix a relationship after an infidelity, and others don’t.
It’s personal to the couple, but if there is genuine remorse and a concerted effort to make changes, gain trust, and move on from it, it’s not impossible.
Seeing as narcissists don’t act with a shred of remorse, the cheating won’t stop.
So now you ask yourself how much you feel you’re worth.
#7 Disrespect
What for? I never understand this when I witness a person in a relationship be so disrespected.
I always think, if you’re like this in public, what are you like behind closed doors?
It’s unreal to me.
I’ve put it as a reason to leave the narcissist because disrespect proves they don’t care about you or your own well being.
So why stay?
#8 Intimidation
Is it a life worth living when you know you’re with a person who straight out intimidates you?
They know they can, they feel powerful when they do, and they aren’t even sorry.
It’s a hard no from me, and it should be for you, too.
#9 Bullying
They’re all bullies, so I don’t want you to think that you got unlucky with your narcissist.
They will bully and coerce, and they won’t hold back. And it’ll all be behind closed doors where you can’t prove their bullying, and they can get away with it indefinitely.
Or at least until you say enough is enough.
#10 Your Anxiety Can’t Take it Anymore
Finally, the penny drops.
You associate your growing anxiety with the presence of the narcissist.
This will be a big day for you, and when they leave, your anxiety won’t leave immediately.
Your nervous system needs time to regulate.
But you will feel lighter.
#11 Depression: Who Are You?
You look up into the mirror one day, and you don’t know who the person is looking back at you.
Where did they go?
In truth, they were washed away by a grey cloud.
They were weighed down by an anchor of negativity.
If you feel that depression, don’t ignore it. It’s not normal, and the problem is happening to you, not inside you.
