Things are going really well with you and the narcissist, but there seems to be one catch…
…You haven’t met certain friends and relatives. Sure, there are a few ‘kind of’ people you bumped into with them, but for the most part, you are still strangers with the people who mean a lot to the narcissist.
Today, I want to give you 11 reasons why that is, and I am not sugar-coating any of it.
#1 They don’t want alliances formed
The moment you step into the room with all of the people the narcissist is closest to, you run the risk of becoming close with them, too.
Of course, that wouldn’t usually be a problem if you were with somebody who wasn’t a total narcissist, but this is different.
You are seen as a threat all of the time, which is why narcissists love to keep their victims under lock and key.
They don’t want you becoming besties with their sister or brother.
They don’t want you getting lunch with their mom. They sure as hell don’t want you near their friends.
If you become closer to them than the narcissist, then the problem becomes the narcissist not getting the attention, love or support that they have been accustomed to.
Dynamics will change, and the narcissist isn’t prepared, ready, or willing to allow that to happen.
#2 They aren’t as close to them as they’re telling you
The trick many victims miss when they are never introduced to the people the narcissist is close to, such as friends and relatives, is that they’re lying about how close they actually are with them.
Oh, we go back years.
We are such a tight knit group of friends.
We will do anything for each other.
My family means the world to me.
All lovely to hear, right? Gives the impression of a person willing and able to form close connections.
But what if none of it is even true?
The only way you’ll find out is by meeting them, which may be why you haven’t been introduced.
#3 There is a history there somewhere
What has been going on that you don’t know about? What information has been kept from you?
Is there a past in the mix of people the narcissist is keeping you from, and is it a widely known piece of information that has omitted your ears?
If there is a history of conflict or even an ex in the friendship group, then you’re being kept away from meeting them on purpose.
It may even be that there’s a history of toxicity that the family are keeping a dignified silence on, but meeting you may allow that information to spill over to you, causing you to double-think your relationship with the narcissist.
#4 The narcissist doesn’t want their secrets told
Secrets can be anything from what weaknesses they have, to embarrassing stories from their childhood or adolescence, or even things they’ve been in trouble with in the past.
If the story is one the narcissist does not want to be told, then you can bet this is a strong reason why they’re keeping you away from friends and relatives of a certain dynamic.
They may fool you with the kind sister, or the grandparent who is oblivious, but if you’re being kept from others purposely, it’s time to think if there are secrets being protected.
#5 The narcissist hates thinking that you will be preferred
If you are about to meet the narcissist’s friends and relatives, there’s a chance that you will be the preferred person out of the two of you.
Not just a small chance, either, but a pretty big one.
Your friendliness is natural, and it is a core part of your personality. Narcissists don’t exhibit positivity in the same way; it’s all from a place of falseness but you are different.
You are liked from that start by good people, and those same good people will want to get to know you well.
In time, that will lead to an inevitable preference between you and the narcissist, and that’s exactly what they are afraid of.
#6 Meeting you means they get less attention
Hey!
How are you?
My goodness, it’s so nice to finally meet you!
Tell me all about yourself?
Aren’t you just so polite?
We love having you over!
All the attention on you, and nothing on the narcissist. They watch as the crowds swarm you, wanting to say hello or ask you what you do for a living.
The narcissist is left on the perimeters, circling you like some kind of real threat.
They hate it. They scowl. They know they aren’t being given the time and care they feel they should be entitled to at all costs.
#7 They want to keep their options open
Allowing you to meet their friends and relatives, narcissists will know what a big deal this is for everybody involved.
The second you are ‘unleashed’ to all those who matter most, the narcissist will know that it’s pretty much game over in terms of keeping their options open for anybody else to enter their lives.
If you are kept away from everybody, you can remain an option, and that is the best and safest place the narcissist thinks you should be.
#8 They hate being vulnerable enough to share you
Sharing you with their loved ones, narcissists know it will invoke a level of surprise with them all.
For once, the narcissist is letting their guard down and allowing you to be a big part of their life.
They are forced to answer questions that may be personal or surrounding the concept of love.
You know that’s not going to happen, and it’s a big reason why you are being pushed away from those the narcissist loves.
Narcissists see vulnerability as a weakness. And the last people they will appear weak to are those they are closest to.
#9 They don’t want you asking too many questions about them
So, what were they like as a kid?
Who did they first fall in love with?
Tell me what they loved most about school.
Any information the narcissist doesn’t want you to know about, they will keep from you.
That’s harder to do if you are in a room full of people willing and ready to give up that information.
The best kept secrets are the ones the narcissist is holding back with, but the same cannot be guaranteed by anybody else.
#10 The fear of big, circling questions of the future
What does this mean?
Is he/she The One?
Do you see a bright future?
Narcissists are uncomfortable painting a picture of the future out loud like this, especially under pressure with the spotlight on them.
They know their words aren’t just being listened to by you, but by everybody else, as well.
This means they’re even more accountable – the narcissist’s worst nightmare!
The fear of this will keep them from introducing you to certain friends and relatives. The safest place you can be is alone, where they always want you.
