You’ve been looking forward to that party for a long time, and it’s finally the big day. You’re in your dress,hair done, keys in hand.
Then you hear it.
The call. The tone. The sniffing. The sighing. The goading.
The narcissist is calling you for a fight, and they know you will succumb to them as usual.
Which means guess what? You dread the event you were excited for not five minutes ago.
Enough is enough! You don’t have to live this way, and knowing the reasons why they do it will help you the next time a potential fight looms.
Enter me.
#1 To ruin your good vibe
You’re feeling good about where you’re going, and so you should! You’ve been looking forward to it for quite some time, and finally, the moment is here.
You’ve booked time off work, you’ve got yourself a new outfit, you got your hair done, and you’re ready to go. Let’s just check the horizon for potential threats…
…Oh wait, what is that?
Oh no. The narcissist. They’re heading straight for you, and they intend on making this event difficult even with just their attitude.
What are you so happy for?
It’s nice to see you smile for once.
Why don’t you usually make this much effort with your appearance?
That dress is an interesting shade of purple.
Your hair… You remind me of a 1980s newsreader.
What is this? Why are you being so difficult?
I get it. It’s because I’m happy, and you hate to see me so, right? You want my smile to drop, my shoulders to hunch, my eyes to stop sparkling, and my light to dim, isn’t it? I thought so.
Otherwise you wouldn’t be coming up with all these comments to try to dissuade my happiness.
#2 Making you dread going
That person you hate is going to be there. Don’t you wish you could stay home?
It’ll be a late night.
I know the food will suck.
You have to talk to people all night.
Is this really your kind of thing?
If the narcissist can tally reasons why you suddenly dread wanting to go, they’ll gladly partake in creating that list.
All it takes is a few comments to get you having second thoughts, and these comments are likely to make you want to lash out and say something back, causing, yep, an argument.
#3 Hoping you’ll cancel
If they pick a fight, the hope is that you will throw the towel in.
You know what? I don’t even want to go now.
And then they’ll do that thing.
Oh come on, I was just playing. Let’s go.
Nope, you’re adamant you don’t want to go, and they will blame your mood for the reason why you didn’t.
Failing to see their part in it is all part of the blame shifting toxicity they’re so familiar with exuding.
#4 To make it about them, not the event
Sorry, are you giving this event too much of your attention? If so, why? Don’t you know the narcissist is counting on you to always stroke their ego and give them the time and light they desperately need just to survive?
If you didn’t already know, the narcissist loves to start fights to turn your attention back to them.
Any attention is good to them, even if you’re mad at them and getting into an argument with them about whatever random thing they came at you with.
It’s boring, not to mention childish.
#5 To test your loyalty under pressure
It’s time to check in with you and make sure you’re still all about the narcissist. It’s a test, and the narcissist wants to know if you’re going to pass or fail.
If you’re put under a significant amount of pressure, the push for you to be honest and true will be hard for you. That’s the mental challenge the narcissist is putting you under right before this event.
Like you need it, right? I hear you. It feels like one big game to them, but for you, you’re just trying to survive from one day to the next.
#6 To play victim if you react poorly when you’re there
So imagine that you turn up to this event, and you really don’t feel in the mood. Your emotions tank, and you don’t feel like talking or smiling, and people pick up on your current mood.
The narcissist will jump right in and divulge whatever they can to look good.
She complained about coming, saying she didn’t like my work friends.
She wanted to stay in and watch TV, can you believe it?
She goes through these moments where she just treats me terribly. I try to get through them the best I can.
Suddenly, they’ve got an audience. And they’re the ones being comforted through what should be your pain.
#7 To excuse them from going
They don’t want to go, and that’s the part that they’re omitting in all of this.
Rather than have the balls to be honest with you, they choose to project their mood onto you, so you back out. It’s either that, or they turn the argument into their own reason for not going.
Just go without me. It’s clear you’ll have a better time without me.
So what do you do?
The choice is now yours, but let me say, whatever you choose will be wrong anyway!
#8 To remind you who’s really in charge
This is a power pull, and we all know it. The narcissist wants to prove they still have what it takes to sap the positivity out of any moment and replace it with anxiety and eggshell walking.
I personally think it’s a real cheap shot at deciding how a single moment should look, and narcissists can’t seem to let a day go by where they’re not practising this.
Ask yourself – is it really worth it?
#9 Testing your toleration
As if you’re not tested enough every single day that you’re together, they have to crank up the volume right before an important event.
You’ve been building to this evening for a while, and now it’s here, you’re ready to get out there and show yourself off.
An argument before will be akin to the narcissist prodding you with a wooden stick to see when you will snap. Then they can tell you that you’re impatient and crazy.
#10 To provide a reason to ghost you in public
Like they need a reason to mistreat you in public. Ghosting is bad enough in private, but when you’re in a room full of people and you’re the only person who can tell there’s ghosting going on, it’ll put you in a certain emotional state.
You won’t be able to focus on small talk, you’ll be distant, and they will love watching you panic the whole evening.
#11 Hijacking the event’s memory
When you look back on the event, all you’ll see are the bad memories that came from it before you even stepped out the door.
You will have bad thoughts about the entire night moving forward, and because of that you won’t be able to look forward to anything similar that comes up in your plans together.
So let me answer your question for you that I’m sure you currently have:
No. It’s not worth it.
