We all know that you are not the villain in the story.
You’re the victim, and you went through pain and suffering all because you thought you loved a person who loved you back.
I get the feeling of despair, and I know how that can change a person forever.
Now we get down to business, because you didn’t just end up as the villain in the narcissist’s story, you’ve been painted as such to everybody you know.
Here are 11 tactics the narcissist uses to turn you into that villain.
#1 Use screenshots as evidence
What did you send the narcissist in the past? Was there a moment you exploded, and was it via text?
Did you happen to tell them what a loser they were at one point, or did you accuse them of something in the past?
I’m not judging you if you did, in fact, I am letting you know that this is typical of a narcissist to get you to react to them, then paint you as the bad guy.
Look at what they texted me!
That’s all it takes.
Then you’re terrible, and everybody has that one, inaccurate piece of evidence as proof of what they’re accusing you of.
#2 Turn down invites and blame you
I can’t go, they’re working late.
I told them I’d do something with them as they insist.
I don’t want to go against them as they get angry with me.
You see how little snippets of words can form and make you sound like you’re a big, scary ogre? We know you aren’t, but the others don’t.
They’re being lied to, and you are being played like a fool.
You don’t even know a fraction of what the narcissist says about you behind your back, but I can guarantee it’s never going to be positive.
#3 Claim they’ve lost all their confidence
Why have they lost all their confidence? It should be you speaking up and saying howyou feel emotionally depleted, not them!
Alas – it’s you looking like a villain in the narrative the narcissist is spinning, and that’s exactly why it’s never wise to assume they are treating you respectfully.
I feel so confident.
I get so shy.
I don’t think I’m good enough.
It’s all untrue, but they see how you are affected by them and act even worse to make themselves look worse off.
Somehow, they’re believed.
#4 Cancel their gym membership
Cancelling their gym membership can come across as many reasons:
They told me we don’t have the money.
I just don’t feel confident going to the gym.
They told me I spend too much time there.
You guess it, you’re the one to blame. You get placed in this position of being treated like you’re the abuser, when in fact none of that is even remotely true.
Sure, they will cancel their membership, and they will have their sob story ready for anybody willing to listen.
That person then goes home with an opinion of you that couldn’t be further from the truth.
#5 Change jobs
They want me to be closer to home.
I’ve been told I need to earn more money.
They said they would prefer it if I were doing something more productive in work.
It goes on and on, but the bottom line will always be:
I didn’t have a choice in this, and I am not happy about it, yet too scared to speak up.
Yeah, right.
#6 Talk about their finances
If I weren’t the only one working, we’d have a better life.
I have to work all these hours, because they don’t lift a finger.
I get so stressed carrying all the financial burden.
They don’t seem to have the drive to want to do anything to earn money.
No job seems good enough for them.
In truth, you know you’d work in a heartbeat, but the narcissist keeps telling you not to, and that you are needed more at home.
To everybody else, you’re working the narcissist into an early grave. To them, you’re a useful tool to blame, and to you, you’re stuck wondering how to prove yourself.
#7 Create an unmistakable narrative
Whatever narrative the narcissist wants to run with, they will perfect it for their audience. Don’t mistake it, you will always end up worse off than you could imagine.
If they want to write you into the story as the bad guy, that’s exactly what they will do.
The problem here is that you won’t be able to change the story with your version – AKA, the truth. That’s because the narcissist got there first and made it clear that their narrative should be believed.
#8 Claim they are alone…
I feel like I am doing everything by myself.
They’re never around and are always so busy.
I just don’t know how I can keep juggling life.
You are a couple, and you try to do everything to make it seem that way.
Narcissist will make you the villain by claiming you are emotionally and physically absent from the relationship, leaving you with an uphill climb to salvage your reputation.
#9 …and sick
Don’t even go there when they’re sick! Narcissists are even worse!
I don’t want to talk about the irony of when you’re sick, because I know and you know that you being sick doesn’t matter.
But when the narcissist is sick, the world should stop. When you go out to work, or forget to leave them something comforting to eat for lunch while they’re curled up on the couch, you will be the villain.
I do so much.
Is it so hard to just make sure I’m okay?
They are getting more and more heartless by the day.
I don’t know what I keep doing wrong.
My sickness doesn’t seem to matter at all to them.
Yeah, right.
#10 Use age as a tool for sympathy
As narcissists age, they think it means they are in for an automatic increase of sympathy.
They aren’t as mobile as they used to be.
They are getting on now.
They are getting more forgetful.
You know, they are obviously struggling.
Everybody gets old, but that shouldn’t mean narcissists automatically become nicer. If anything, they get worse and worse with old age.
And because you aren’t bending over backward to make sure they’re cushioned and protected, you are the bad guy.
I call bulls**t!”
#11 Triangulate to break down all your strong relationships
Hmm, let’s see.
Who can I break up today?
Who is causing all the problems for me?
The narcissist, rubbing their hands together, will look and assess all your closest relationships and connections, and the ones that are deemed risky to them will need ending.
That’s when they jump between you, telling the other person things about you that are false, but planting the seed that you are not as nice as you make out.
Soon enough, those connections start to fray and eventually break up.
All because of you, not them.
As you become more and more isolated, the narcissist becomes stronger, knowing the attention on who the villain is, turns to you.
