Are you even remotely surprised that a narcissist can be vicious? You shouldn’t be, because viciousness runs in their blood.
To prove they can still control you, narcissists will act in the most terrible of ways ,being purposely cruel and calculated.
In fact, vicious is their middle name.
Here are 11 things they do that are evil, just to prove they still control you.
I promise an informative read, but not an easy one.
#1 They pick apart who you decide to see
Why do you insist on spending time with them when you know you always come.home in a bad mood?
You always have to pay when you go for drinks with them.
You think they would care enough to see you more often.
The theme is always I just care. But they don’t. They only care about themselves, but by pretending they care about you means they feel they get to dictate who you see.
Narcissists can do this by picking and choosing what opinions they have when you decide to spend time with certain people they deem as a threat.
If their plan works and you fall for their manipulation and gaslighting, they will succeed in isolating you.
#2 They isolate you
Speaking of isolation, I think we can go even deeper.
Picking arguments or conflict with people you’re close to means the narcissist will refuse to see them or spend time with them.
That might be fine, but we all know that is just the beginning. Eventually, it will be you who is told to stay away from them.
How can you still see them knowing how much they upset me?
I won’t go if they are there, so you will have to choose between us.
It’s them, or me.
And there you have it.
You are fully isolated with a few controlling moves by the narcissist
Not pretty, is it?
#3 The gaslighting strengthens
If there’s one aspect of narcissistic abuse that screams control, it’s that a narcissist spends each and every waking moment gaslighting their victims.
From painting different pictures of what happened to skew and distort the victim’s memory, to convincing them that they shouldn’t go out with their friends, narcissists will do it all…
…And they do it so well.
One of the most common side effects of a person who leaves an abusive relationship is not being sure of their own thoughts or views.
They can’t give opinions easily, and they get confused when they try to convey what they’re feeling.
That’s because they’ve had opinions and thoughts in the past that have been manipulated by the narcissist.
Gaslighting is dark and twisted, and yet it happens so frequently.
This is all part of the control, and narcissists will continue doing it to prove they still control you.
#4 Taking your finances away
We are all in agreement that your finances are your finances. However, the narcissist often oversteps, and this will be another of those occasions where they view yours as theirs, too.
This means the control over what you earn and have saved will be down to them, and if they want to and can access it, they will make a huge dent in your finances.
Spending or hiding your money can be a way for them to force you to go out and make more, or yell and rage at you for not having enough money and needing a loan from them.
Where did all your money go?
Well – you spent it. But I see. You want to create a problem so you can be the solution, too, right?
#5 “You don’t need to work…”
Yes you do! You should never be told to stop working, especially by somebody as controlling as the narcissist!
Of course, it’ll be painted in such a beautiful way.
You know, you don’t have to do all of this work.
You can stay home and I will work and earn money.
You can focus on making our house a proper home.
I don’t want you thinking that I assume this sounds ideal to any person, but it can be said in ways that make you feel like your purpose is elsewhere, other than the workplace.
And then, it’s just so easy to give up what you have built and studied for just to be home on your own.
It’s so vicious to do that to somebody because you are taking away their right to connect with others, a right to earn money for themselves, which all detracts from being independent.
#6 Sabotaging the big occasions
When the big days roll around, the narcissist will do what they can to sabotage them.
The closer you get to the day in question, the more drama the narcissist will create, leaving you in a constant state of stress and dread.
You will quickly learn not to want to do anything, and not to celebrate what matters, including at times, yourself.
#7 Saying something that hurts – and works
Narcissists control heavily with their words. If you are hearing things like, “You look so different in that dress than the model on the website,” or, “I really don’t think you should apply for a job that’s quite frankly too much for you to be able to deal with,” then run.
These are controlling statements that hurt, but they work. Victims listen.
#8 They slander your name
Your name will look like mud once the narcissist has finished with it.
They will say anything to make you look bad, and for you to appear like the abuser that you are not.
This controls the narrative that they are innocent, and you are guilty.
We know that’s not true, but others will not. You;ll have a hard time convincing them that the narcissist is wrong.
#9 Triggering you when you least expect
When you least expect it, the narcissist will pull out anything that triggers you, from a comment to a behavioral act.
And it is always when you least expect it, too, so that you don’t see them sneaking up on you to control your mood and reaction in that moment.
Quit forgetting how powerful you are.
#10 The silent treatment: never underestimate it!
The silent treatment is so controlling, as the person on the receiving end never really knows why.
All they know is the silence they’re getting.
This is where I say to never underestimate it, because it will bite you when you aren’t prepared, and you will end up begging for them to tell you what’s wrong.
#11 The push and pull of what they call ‘love’
One minute the narcissist loves you, the next they can’t stand to be around you. One minute they want to be with you forever ,the next they aren’t even seeing a tomorrow with you.
This is purposeful, and proves you should never get comfortable in a relationship with one.
The discomfort is where they thrive, because it’s where they see you fall apart.
To be able to control an entire relationship like that just isn’t healthy or right, and to me, is an incredibly vicious act.
