We often discuss boundaries, but how deeply do you dig into the concept when it comes to protecting your peace against narcissists?
It’s hard to know where to begin when you’re used to giving your space up for people who don’t appreciate it – or you.
That’s why I wanted to produce 11 examples of boundaries you can use with a narcissist.
It’s not easy to get started, but once you do, you’ll feel like a different person.
I’m with you all the way!
“You aren’t allowed to yell at me like that”
Wherever you can, you should absolutely speak up when somebody is talking to you disrespectfully.
It goes without saying that we should not be letting those kinds of people affect our daily lives, and to also be in a position to take what they say.
They don’t have a right to be rude and cause you pain, yet they seem to do it all the time.
Those boundaries don’t exist because you’re probably thinking, “Just let them say whatever it is they have to say so we can go back to a peaceful house.” After some time, you might think, “They’re right.”
They’re not. They’re beyond rude.
“I do not have to answer my phone every time you call”
Nobody is important enough to answer your phone right away unless it’s your child’s school or care provider.
Anybody else can wait until the time is right where you can answer.
When a narcissist makes demands, they expect you to follow them. If their world doesn’t stop, then they will shout and scream.
Unfortunately, this is where boundaries become scuffed. The victim nearly always caves and says, I’m sorry I didn’t answer.
I didn’t know it was so important. I’ll do better.”
It wasn’t important. The narcissist will build up that call to be, but that’s just them trying to justify their demanding attempts to make contact.
“I am not okay with you showing up at my house unannounced”
That’s quite valid, don’t you think? You don’t want somebody just showing up because they can and want to.
What if you were out? What if you were working from home? What if you had guests?
And mostly – what if you just didn’t want to see them that day?
“I am allowed to change my mind”
Let’s be loud and clear here. You are always allowed to change your mind, no matter where you are or what you’re doing.
It’s our prerogative as people to be able to make choices that align with us as people, and value those choices.
Not respecting that at all, the narcissist will persuade or dissuade you to follow their set of rules alongside the narrative they have already carved out.
But you have the real upper hand, because you get to decide what you do, not them.
Hey, I didn’t promise that the narcissist would like these boundaries, but with them, you’ll like yourself more.
“Don’t joke about things I’ve asked you not to”
Narcissists love a joke. But let’s try to break down what joke means to them.
Number one, they’re always at your expense.
Number two, they’re designed with a little truth in them as far as the narcissist is concerned.
Number three, they always make you feel bad (as they should, because they’re mean).
You’re perfectly within your right to say no, actually I won’t tolerate this. And if the narcissist has any respect for you, they’d apologize and not do it again.
But they don’t.
Using this boundary means you are actively asking them to stop. They won’t like it, but hey, tough, right?
“I am not talking about that right now”
You don’t have to talk about anything that you don’t want to talk about. Nobody is forcing you to do something, but narcissists, man, they can push and push.
Usually as a victim, you’ll be keen to give them what they want. Anything to make them happy. But the time comes where you have to ask yourself who are you doing it all for?
Using this line as a boundary will help you take charge of what is and isn’t comfortable to you.
Trust me, it’s the least you can do for yourself at this stage.
“I need space after an argument”
Time to unwind from the chaos that created a very unpleasant scene. We all need to decompress after harsh words, right?
I think it’s healthy for us to take our time and reflect on what happened, but my kind of arguments aren’t the arguments a narcissist has.
These are on a whole different level.
Needing space is vital for growth and to be able to settle in your own space again.
If the narcissist cannot honor you this, then you need to be as firm as possible and demand it.
“Do not bring up my past to win an argument”
As they all love to do, am I right? The one thing you did wrong gets brought up more times than the ten things per day they do wrong.
That’s because the narcissist doesn’t want you to forget that you aren’t perfect, while maintaining the idea that they are.
And the second you start raising concerns about their behavior, they will bite you in the butt with a snarky reminder of the one time you fell short in the relationship.
Even though you’ve apologized a thousand times and not repeated it.
“I am not okay with name calling”
Name calling is a cheap shot, don’t you think? What is it even good for, other than for one toxic person to cause hurt and pain?
It’s perfectly acceptable that you’re not okay with them calling you or anybody else a name, and you should be able to voice that without a sarcastic comeback from them.
Sadly, boundaries like this have to be placed in relationships with narcissists, but they shouldn’t have to be.
You deserve better.
“You don’t get access to everything of mine just because we’re dating”
Absolutely right they don’t! The middle name of every narcissist is entitled, so they feel what’s yours is also theirs.
Funnily enough, they don’t feel the same about their stuff, and get incredibly protective of what they own.
But you still get to have those same rules applied to you by speaking this boundary very clearly.
You can’t worry about how it will affect them, after all ,they never seem to worry about how it affects you.
“I do not want to have this conversation right now”
That should be the end of it, shouldn’t it? The narcissist is leading a conversation into a direction that makes you uncomfortable for whatever reason, and you’re forced to sit down and enjoy the ride? I don’t think so.
Shutting down a conversation this way will force the narcissist to drop their power at your feet.
They don’t get to narrate the day, they don’t get to encroach on your mood.
It has to stop, and the more you assert yourself, the more they will stomp off in a huff, not being satisfied with your new courage.
Well, that’s just tough!
