When you approach a narcissist with a simple question, you would like to hope they will reply like semi-normal people, wouldn’t you?
There’s that tiny part of you that thinks, “Will today be the day?”
Big no!
No day is ever the day you will get a sensible, authentic reply from a narcissist; it just isn’t in their DNA.
So, let’s see how bizarre narcissists can really get…
#1 “What?”
They heard you, they just want you to repeat what you’ve said again and appear uninterested so you stop speaking to them and asking them questions that they think wastes their time.
Do you really want to be somebody who they think wastes their time?
It’s unfair when you’re going in and asking a question so simple that it’s actually quicker to just answer it and move on, but nope, not the narcissist!
It’s their sick way of trying to show you that what you’re talking about has no meaning to them; you don’t matter.
Don’t believe them, this is just a ploy to drop your self-worth even lower than it was before.
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#2 “Why me?”
Did you ask the narcissist to help you with something? Do you need a favor from them?
You’re going to ask them a simple question that should require a simple answer, but they don’t want to play that game.
They would rather look at you with disdain and ask, “Why me? Can’t somebody else do it? Can’t you do it?” What a great opportunity for them to remind you that you are incapable, too.
You can always trust a narcissist to back away from a request that can be done and over within a few minutes, like taking out the trash on the way out to the car before work.
#3 “Do you ever stop talking?”
You were on such a roll, too! Speaking to them, asking them about their day, talking about something you saw today that excited you or made you happy.
As you chat away, the narcissist looks up from their dinner, raising an eyebrow.
Don’t you ever just want to give me a moment’s peace?
Do you ever stop talking for longer than thirty seconds?
Shame. Shaming you into silence, when you were just trying to enjoy the moment you were sharing with them.
This says so much more about them than it ever will you.
#4 “I’m busy”
Whatever it is, it’s out of the question. You can hit the ground running with their rejection, because as far as they’re concerned, they’re too busy to even entertain your words.
I do find it sad that when it suits the narcissist, they make so many unreasonable demands of their victims, but when the tables are turned, they have no time at all.
It’s bizarre to me that they can’t see the irony in any of this, but what it does show is their general lack of compassion or care for anybody but themselves.
I think you’ll agree that this is no way to treat the people you supposedly love, but victims grow so used to being told that their abuser doesn’t have time.
When the victim is genuinely busy though, the narcissist finds that the perfect time to swoop in and start barking orders.
The worst part is, the victim will drop what they’re doing even if they are busy, to be there for the narcissist.
#5 “You already asked me this”
You have to ask yourself whether or not this one is true, because the likelihood is, it is not.
A narcissist is always looking for ways to make you think that you’re an inconvenience, and by telling you that you’re repetitive, you’ll naturally think, “Okay, I know not to ask that again.”
They’re winning by controlling that, even though your question was simple enough to answer. If they don’t want to answer, they won’t.
What a way to confuse you!
#6 “How do you not know this?”
A typical, nasty, passive- aggressive way of responding to a question that is pretty simple enough.
You’re reaching out asking about something, and they can’t help but use that opportunity to try to make you look or sound dumb.
Their hope is that you feel embarrassed for not knowing, when in fact, nobody says you have to know anything.
This is a classic example of a narcissist using words to make you think you’re not good enough.
#7 “Oh I see, another favor”
Like you ask for favors all the time. Well, the narcissist will want you to think you do, so they will use your innocent question to bizarrely paint you as somebody who is needy and unwilling to figure things out for themselves.
It’s not a fair response to a polite, simple question that can just as easily be answered.
#8 Yelling
Yelling gets us nowhere, and we all know that. What’s the point, especially as a response to somebody asking a question?
The yelling sends a clear message – stop asking me questions that I don’t want to answer.
Stop asking me questions that I am unwilling to give you time on.
Either you’ve made them feel uncomfortable, or they’re just trying to make you seem like your questions are some kind of burden on them.
#9 Completely ignoring you
If you didn’t feel small before, you’re certainly going to feel it after they ignore you.
You think, “Shall I ask again? Did they hear me okay? Did I ask something wrong? Did I do something wrong? Are they having a bad day?”
Thought overdrive, all because of a question. Life shouldn’t be this complicated, but narcissists make it so when they pick and choose those moments where they ignore you and pretend you don’t even exist.
For me personally, I think this is a really unnecessarily dismissive way of treating a person who is just trying to communicate.
#10 Laughter
Was your question funny? Does it deserve the response you’re getting? Should you reflect on how you asked and maybe try to ask again in a better way?
No. There was nothing wrong with how you asked, or what you asked.
If you’re laughed at, it’s again down to how much shame, guilt or embarrassment the narcissist wants you to feel.
Remember, they’re looking for any opportunity to rid you of your confidence and self-worth, so even the simplest questions are an excuse for them to mock you and make you feel ten times smaller.
#11 Mimicking you
I get it. What a mature response to a question you perhaps just wanted to put out there.
There’s really zero need to be such a loser, but hey, we are talking about narcissists here.
They live to make everybody else look stupid, as long as they come off as the good guy, or the one who looks the best.
Image is everything, as is reputation. If they can mimic you, they will.
What this means for you is that you hear an overly exaggerated version of yourself that doesn’t exist, but you assume is how you come off to them.
And so you make yourself even more reserved. You box yourself up even more.
Narcissists; this is not cool.
