It’s frowned up and quite frankly illegal to tape up a narcissist’s mouth, even though I bet you’re sometimes tempted to do it just to enjoy the silence.
While I don’t recommend pulling out the mouth tape, I do think it’s important to recognize ways to shut down a narcissist with your own words. That’s right. You’re powerful, and you didn’t even know it.
More than powerful, you’re capable. So what’s stopping you?
Here are 10 ways to shut down a narcissist.
#1 “That’s not my problem to fix”
I’m really starting off with a bang, aren’t I? I think it’s safe to say that all narcissists reach out to their victims when they have what they consider to be a problem.
Fix it for me, they indirectly beg in their childish, petulant manner. And you, the people-pleaser, quickly gets to work so you can see the outcome the narcissist wants.
What if you just didn’t? I mean, you know the drama that comes with getting involved with their issues and trying to fix them.
You’ve been there before. You know it doesn’t do you any good, nor does it actually solve anything.
They beg and prod, and poke and do not quit until you say yes.
But no. Your boundary can look different. It can exist, for a start.
Their dramas are not your problem. Go find another fool.
#2 “You’re not as important as you think”
Hold the front page! This is headline news material. Telling a narcissist that they aren’t as important as they think they are is a hard truth to swallow.
Still, it’s one they certainly need to be administered when you want to shut them down, and if they don’t like it, tough.
I like to tell victims that all people are the main characters of their own life and story, and I stand by that, including narcissists. But there’s a problem that we need to talk about. That is:
All narcissists walk the planet assuming they are the main character in your life, as well as theirs.
This is where I yell no! Don’t let them take that away from you. Shut them down by reminding them of their place in the world.
It is not to be the sun. If it hurts, so what? That’s their wound to heal.
#3 “Interesting. Do you ever get tired of talking about yourself?”
We all know the real answer is no, but would a narcissist admit that was the case if you took the time to ask this question?
I imagine the more likely scenario would be that they just look at you in their horrified way, wondering how something so direct could fall out of your mouth?
Remember how familiar they are with you just smiling and nodding and listening while your own life falls to pieces.
Being more assertive will shut them down in no uncertain terms.
#4 “You can say what you want, I’m still not affected.”
That’s right! This is one not just to say, but to also practise. You need to not be affected.
Their words have the ability to cut down to the bone if you let them, but if you took a stand and just saw them as the grown child they are, those words will soon wash over you with no meaning.
The narcissist will become as cruel as they can, and you can just smile and get on with your day.
Peace, perfect peace!
#5 “Your opinion is noted – and irrelevant.”
Has anybody got a band aid for the narcissist’s ego?
Scrap that; I don’t think there’s one big enough for this line!
Of course, it will shut them down on the spot, and they will probably never forgive you for being so ‘rude’ to them, but sometimes they have earned the response by being even more rude to you initially.
When you want opinions, you’ll ask for one, right? And I do get it. Supportive friends and family can offer their two cents worth and it mostly won’t matter, but narcissists play that game differently.
They offer, but they expect you to accept what they say as the outcome. They want to see you agree, and take their opinion as advice you need to action.
But what if it was just irrelevant?
You can say you hear them, but that you don’t want to do anything with it.
#6 “You wouldn’t understand. It requires empathy.”
Finger clicks all round! Yes! Why would you expect a narcissist to understand something that requires being able to put yourself in somebody else’s shoes?
The caring, compassionate side of them that doesn’t exist needs to be brought up in conversation when they are asking you what you’re discussing, or wondering why they aren’t part of that particular conversation.
Why would they be? Their cold heart needs to leave.
#7 “You’re confusing control with influence.”
We can all be influenced by those we love, can’t we? But do we really need to cross the line and be controlled by them?
No, we do not. I’m here for all kinds of advice, but this one really is up there.
Say this line to remind them that yes, they can try to influence you with their suggestions, but ultimately it’s you who has the final say.
Your life, your rules.
#8 “You talk a lot for someone who says nothing of value.”
Keep spittin’ truths out there! What a shut down! And what a way to tell the narcissist that they make a lot of noise for people so lacking in any value. It’s a real reality check for them, and they won’t like it.
They think they’ve got so much to offer. Conversation, advice, wisdom, patience, charm; but if you just remind them that you are aware of the truth, they don’t really have anywhere to go with it.
It’s like they’ve driven down a street with a dead end.
#9 “I’m not your audience.”
An unsubtle way to remind the narcissist that you’re aware of how much they love an audience, but that you do not fit that mold. Nor should you!
Narcissists feel they can talk and talk and exert dominance to other people in conversation, but you aren’t one to just take it and be left without a voice.
You like conversing as much as you like to listen. It’s a two-way street with you, and if they need reminding of that, then good.
Do they have to like it?
Nope! Not your problem.
#10 Say nothing – just walk away.
Sometimes, when you’ve got nothing else to give, it’s okay to just walk away without saying a single word.
It can be the ultimate shutdown if you get it just right. It shows that you’re bored. It shows you’ve had enough.
It shows you aren’t interested in trying to look perfect for them, or to please them in some way.
Most importantly, walking away proves that you aren’t willing to hang around and be sucked into whatever the latest game of the narcissist is.
And as you walk away, you take away the control they once had with you.
Perfect!
