Narcissists are the most hurtful people on the planet. They cause pain and suffering, and they don’t even care.
Perhaps you’ve reached the point where you can’t take it any more, and you want to start living a life that feels true to you.
I c an reveal that there are ways that hurt can be mirrored back to them, and you don’t even have to be overtly unkind to them in order for them to feel that unwanted pain.
Here are 10 ways you can get started today.
#1 Ignore them
When you pay a narcissist attention, you’re giving them something they want, and can’t live without.
You’re giving them a reminder that they’re worthy of your time, and nothing less.
So what really hurts them?
By starving them of that very energy.
Give them nothing – no attention at all. Ignore their call for conflict, and ignore the bait they dangle every time they want a reaction from you.
Ignore the way they try to lure you into a false sense of security, and see them for who they really are.
Ignoring them will trigger them, but it will empower you. It’s time that became a reality, right?
#2 Put yourself first
For all the times you abandoned yourself because you didn’t want them to abandon you, give yourself a moment to reflect it back onto you.
Do what you want, and don’t apologise for listening to your body and mind when it’s trying to tell you something.
Messages are not meant to be ignored, but victims learn to do that because they’re too focused on pleasing their abusers.
This needs to stop. In focusing on you, you will hurt narcissists. But that shouldn’t stop you.
#3 Apply boundaries
Boundaries are the enemy of narcissists. Without them, they’re able to walk all over you with ease. With them, you get to be in charge.
You get to call the shots. You get to remind other people that you have every right to stick with what is morally important to you, and the limits you will tolerate the behavior of those who do you wrong.
Narcissists assume boundaries don’t apply to them – yes, they’re that entitled – but when you come along with your own, you prove to yourself that your beliefs matter more than the narcissist.
Ouch.
#4 “Do it anyway”
How many of you have been told in the past that you can’t do something?
You’re too lazy.
You’re too fearful.
You’re not clever enough.
You’re not skilled enough.
You don’t have the right attitude.
You won’t make it.
And you believed it all, right? Now’s the time to stop conforming to what they want of you, and start living a more authentic life that holds meaning for you.
Do that thing anyway, even if the narcissist tries to pull you down. It’s the only way you grow and learn. It will hurt them to see you try because they know it’s the kind of courage they don’t have.
#5 Live your life
The little things mean a lot, but living your life the way you want to live it is a big thing that gets taken from you the moment you sign your life over to the narcissist.
Refuse to listen to the rulebook the narcissist is writing for you, and understand that it really is just their own insecurities being compiled into requests for you. Don’t accept those requests.
Your life is only going to come around once, and every day is a chance to do what makes you happy, so don’t believe narcissists when they try to pull you down.
#6 Laugh
And before you ask, I don’t necessarily mean to laugh at them. I don’t want you to resort to their level and try to consciously inflict pain by being unkind, but I do mean to laugh.
Laugh when you find something funny, laugh to ignite that joy in your heart again.
Laughter really is the best medicine sometimes, so if you’re delving into humor, laughing at jokes, laughing at yourself or something you find funny on TV, you’re allowing yourself to break the chains of misery the narcissist wrapped around you.
Your pain is their pleasure, but your laughter is their pain.
#7 Continue being you
Whatever happens and however long you wind up staying with the narcissist, you have to try to continue to be you as much as possible.
I appreciate the difficulty in that when you are stuck tied up in an abusive relationship. It can be hard to be yourself when you are with somebody intent on changing you.
But what if your sole aim in life was to remain who you are, and those who tried to change you, failed from the start?
It’s kind of like a narcissistic repellent, but when you’re already with one, it’s a way of hurting them and giving them what they don’t want – your authenticity.
#8 Leave them
Couldn’t really get much more direct than that, can you? Leaving a narcissist will prove to yourself that you don’t really want to stick around and continue receiving these patterns of ill treatment.
More so, you are showing the world that you have limits you’ll tolerate, and standards you stick by.
This is a sure way of keeping on the right track for optimum wellbeing, as well as being able to get to a point where you say, “I’ve had enough of this.”
I think all victims need to reach that point at one time or another.
#9 Prove that you don’t need them
Getting under the skin of a narcissist by not needing them will change everything, I can promise you that.
When they meet you, they’re checking for signs that you will allow them to take over and control you in the least obvious way possible.
They want you to need them, rely on them, and trust them with your life even though their intent is to pull it apart.
So prove that you don’t need them. Hear whatever it is they want to say, but don’t necessarily listen to it.
This isn’t about being rude or confrontational, but it’s living how you want to live regardless of how the narcissist is trying to sway you or influence you.
#10 Expose them
The biggest one of all; exposing a narcissist is a huge act, but one that is well worth it in the long run.
The drawbacks to revealing the true character behind the mask? There are a few, and they aren’t small, either.
You’re bound to lose people you love who will side with the narcissist. You’ll also likely be blamed and accused of things that aren’t true, and people will hear these things and judge you for themselves.
If you want to expose a narcissist, then know that it will hurt them. It will stop them in their tracks, actually, because they will never expect you to turn your back on them this way.
Nothing will be the same after you tell them you know exactly who they are, so there really will be no going back from it.
But I’d say it’s worth it if you get to live how you want.
