There’s nothing more cutting than a narcissist who keeps your kids from you.
You think you have them all figured out, but the curl reality is, they’re capable of anything.
This time around, it’s even more personal than it was before.
The narcissist works to divide and conquer, and they do it best using specially crafted manipulation tactics that they know will work.
Let’s take a look at 10 ways a narcissist keeps the children away from you.
#1 Subtle bad-mouthing
There’s no outright attack on you, but there are whispers that filter through the minds of the young involved, and they can be incredibly effective.
Small comments crop up, and that invokes a fractured doubt in the children.
Thai is like sipping gentle poison; eventually it will take over and cause so much pain. But drip by drip, it has the ability to go largely unnoticed.
Your mom gets so stressed easily.
Your dad doesn’t seem to get you, does he?
I wish they would be more patient with you.
It’s hard to watch, kiddo.
Sounds like the narcissist has their kid’s best interests at heart, but in reality, they don’t. They just want to make you an unstable problem.
#2 Victim playing to gain sympathy
I try hard, but it’s never good enough for mom.
I do all of this alone.
Nobody helps me; it’s really difficult.
Children listen. They feel whatever the narcissist is trying to get them to feel, and they want to comfort the parent who is feeling it.
In doing this, they take sides, and that’s just the start of it all. The older the kids get, the easier it is to side with the parent who is vying for attention and sympathy.
This will keep those children away from you, and create a division that’s hard, even impossible, to reverse.
#3 Gifts as bribes
Narcissists are renowned for buying affection instead of truly earning it.
Whether it’s a new toy, the latest gadget or endless rewards when their kids do something well; they have it covered.
This isn’t because they’re generous or even necessarily rich, it’s because they are strategizing; wanting everything their own way.
If you stay with me this weekend, I’ll treat you to that new games console.
We could head into the city for a shopping spree and lunch.
If you choose to go back to moms, you’ll miss out.
All so tempting to the child, right? And the narcissist knows it.
#4 Communication is controlled
Isn’t it a little suss that messages go missing, or calls don’t get passed to the right person?
Oops, I forgot.
How convenient. The narcissist is calling all the shots, and as you try to reach out and see what the problem is, they quietly block and ignore you.
Oh, I didn’t see it.
I was busy.
I just didn’t feel like talking at that moment in time.
As the silence is forced, you start to know better. It seems they’ve taken over on all decisions, and become the person you have to run everything by. This wasn’t a natural shift, this was planned.
And the children? They won’t understand. They’re just there having to tolerate it all.
#5 Undermining your authority
With every rule you set for your children ,the narcissist comes along and undoes every single one.
They do it with a smile, not a forced and abusive approach. Their aim is to disarm your power, and replace it with their own.
What I say, goes.
When you say yes, they say no. When you say no, they say yes. This constant conflict will eventually make you seem harsh, and the parent who disciplines the most.
The narcissist ends up looking like the kind parent of the two, and as the children notice, they begin to defend them at all costs.
This is not good news for you.
#6 They make you look unstable
There’s nothing worse than the other parent trying – and succeeding – to make you look like the unstable one of the two.
Your emotions are taken and exaggerated by them, and they twist every reaction you offer.
Soon enough, they paint you as the fragile parent who gets upset easily and can;t handle stress.
You become an unsafe space for the children, who are just looking for security. Your crafted unpredictability causes the children to run into the arms of the narcissist.
Could there be anything worse?
The doubt planted will change the dynamic and behaviors of your relationship with your kids forever if you let it.
#7 Distance? The child’s choice
It’s not down to me.
It’s the kid’s choice to not come and stay with you.
They don’t want to.
I’ve tried to persuade them.
Hmm. What do you think, here? It’s hard to see the children’s choice as a free choice that wasn’t tampered with, isn’t it?
It was clearly guided and influenced by the narcissist, who pushed for a certain outcome that happened to work in their favor.
The children were conditioned to not want to see you, and it was all orchestrated by the narcissist.
It paints the narcissist as innocent, yet we all know the truth.
#8 Legal system is used as a weapon
When the courts get involved, things can get very messy very quickly.
They can threaten you with lawyers, file motions, drag out the entire process and all the while doing it not to protect the children, but to exhaust you.
They want to make you look difficult, and that you aren’t willing to cooperate.
In truth, you are fighting a war you really didn’t think you needed to, all because they want to retain full control over having the kids, and this won’t be because they love them and want that.
It’s because they don’t want you to have them. It’s payback, and it sadly works so much of the time.
#9 They make the kids choose sides
If you loved me, you’d stay with me more.
If you cared, you’d do as I say.
There’s a pressure there, I think you’ll agree. Kids will want to respond by proving thor loyalty, and no child should be forced into doing that.
Love isn’t a competition, and kids will feel guilty if they upset you. Imagine what sort of power that does to a narcissist, who takes full advantage of it.
This is emotional coercion, and narcissists know it.
#10 Support system gets pushed back to isolate
First, the narcissist isolates you. Then they isolate your kids. They do it by pushing back on family and friends, keeping them at an unhealthy distance.
They don’t get it.
They are toxic.
They don’t think about what you really want.
They still treat you like babies.
The children will end up thinking everybody but the narcissist is the enemy, and will grow to assume there is no love present aside from where the narcissist is standing.
This is where you have a real fight on your hands, just like everybody else who has been pushed aside.
Without any support coming in, manipulation is far easier to manage, and that’s exactly why the narcissist loves this tactic.
