Being shown that you’re loved has to be one of the best feelings, right? Not only is it nice to be shown love and affection by somebody whom you love…
…It’s also nice to know that feelings can match words.
That’s what keeps relationships healthy and long-lasting. People need that consistency, but all is now this way with narcissists.
Sure, they can show you they love you, but let’s question love here today.
Beyond that – let’s question why the ways they show you they love you are so twisted.
What is Love?
Don’t ask a narcissist, that’s for sure. They won’t give you the answer you need, but they will say all the right words.
I think love is a great excuse to show somebody that you love them.
If only narcissists thought this way, and weren’t so twisted.
10 Twisted Ways Narcissists Show They Love You
1. Sex
Newsflash:
Sex isn’t love.
Yes, it’s a beautiful, intimate way to show you love and care for somebody deeply. Sexual connection is a part of loving somebody, but it shouldn’t be the sole way to show your love.
Ultimately, it’s a physical act that, in the moment, makes it feel like you’re the only two people on the planet.
But having somebody this way isn’t the same as wanting to be with them for the rest of your life.
When sex is over and both parties are satisfied, that is not the same as knowing you’re with somebody whose words match with their feelings. Narcissists love sex because it is known as an ‘act of love.’
But it doesn’t have to be love.
2. Expensive Dinners
Heading to a five-star restaurant for a meal after you’ve waited six weeks for an available reservation is not love.
Narcissists think it is because they have the emotional depth of a puddle and assume something so expensive should constitute feelings.
It doesn’t.
Those who get caught up with a narcissist will love it, though, as the overwhelm of being treated to such a high-end meal will make them feel forever grateful.
That’s why so many victims get caught up with narcissists in the first place –
Victims come from an environment where any kind of attention or affection was severely overdue and needed.
They had to work to earn love; any small fragment of it would have been the validation they needed to feel loveable.
3. Lavish Vacations
Usually what accompanies lavish vacations is the photos that would be splashed all over social media. Now, look at it like this:
Narcissists want to find an excuse to show off. If it happens to be a lavish vacation, they aren’t going to want to go alone because that would look pathetic.
Instead, they drag you along to look to others like they’ve got the perfect relationship. They only want to impress with status.
You are being used on this holiday, and the narcissist knows that’s your only job.
This is not out of love.
4. “Look What I Provide!”
Show of hands for how many of you have heard the narcissist say this?!
Of course I love you. I wouldn’t be out working hard to provide you with the perfect house and everything that goes with it, would I?!
And so what happens? Victims of narcissistic abuse assume that love is akin to providing.
In healthy relationships, that would never be used as a reason to show love, and it certainly wouldn’t be used to make the other person feel bad.
Look at everything I do for you, why aren’t you grateful?!
Honestly, statements like this only induce feelings of guilt within victims. What almost always happens is unnecessary apologies.
5. Dirty Cash
Money is where the narcissist loves to show themselves the most!
Love isn’t money though, but you try telling that to them. As far as they’re concerned, giving you money to treat yourself to that new jacket or pair of shoes is their way of saying, “I love you, see?”
Money is easy. It’s the currency of narcissism, because it stands for status.
Time and honesty and patience and respect is not (according to the narcissist!)
6. Constantly Texting or Calling
You can’t even get a few hours to yourself without being bombarded by the narcissist’s contact.
They think they’re showing you how much they care, but in reality they’re ensuring that wherever you are, you don’t forget about them.
It derives from a deep insecurity they have that, quite frankly, is not your problem.
However – the texts and calls will be the pure art of love-bombing in real time!
7. Saying It!
I love you.
Love you, have a good day.
Love you, night.
See how it can just roll off the tongue?
It’s rather incredible to me how narcissists can say it yet act an entirely different way to everybody else.
Victims, though, are often looking for anything to understand that they are lovable. They probably spent years, perhaps all their lives, not believing this about themselves.
So of course – the words are easy for the narcissist!
8. Fake Security
The security of having a roof over your head means nothing all the while the abuse is wide awake underneath it.
It’s all fake. The feeling that they’re protecting you or keeping you away from danger that doesn’t even exist will leave you feeling crippled and solely reliant on them.
You won’t want to branch out into the real world because their security feels like cast iron around your heart
Well, if that’s the case, no love can get in or out.
Something to think about.
9. Breadcrumbing
Any tiny display of affection will come from the narcissist when they know they need to gain you back.
Usually, breadcrumbing comes after a time of discard where you feel lost and unappreciated.
Breadcrumbing can be as small as a compliment, or making you a round of toast as they make theirs.
It’s tiny, but it works when the other person’s expectations have become so low that literally ‘anything will do.’
10. Mirroring
Mirroring isn’t talked about enough, but it’s how narcissists make you feel like you just ‘click,’ and that they ‘get’ you.
Finishing sentences, copying you when you brush hair from your face, or simply telling you things like, ‘This exact thing happened to me, too,’ or, ‘I feel the same way as you.’
You don’t click, and you haven’t got everything in common, so try avoiding hearing, ‘It’s the same for me,’ as a way they love you and feel lucky to know you.
It’s just a ploy for you to form an attachment to them.
Same old tricks!
