Being shown that you’re loved has to be one of the best feelings, right? Not only is it nice to be shown love and affection by somebody whom you love…

…It’s also nice to know that feelings can match words. 

That’s what keeps relationships healthy and long-lasting. People need that consistency, but all is now this way with narcissists.

Sure, they can show you they love you, but let’s question love here today. 

Beyond that – let’s question why the ways they show you they love you are so twisted.

What is Love?

Don’t ask a narcissist, that’s for sure. They won’t give you the answer you need, but they will say all the right words.

I think love is a great excuse to show somebody that you love them.

If only narcissists thought this way, and weren’t so twisted.

10 Twisted Ways Narcissists Show They Love You

1. Intimacy

Newsflash:

Intimacy isn’t love.

Yes, it’s a beautiful, intimate way to show you love and care for somebody deeply. Intimate connection is a part of loving somebody, but it shouldn’t be the sole way to show your love. 

Ultimately, it’s a physical act that, in the moment, makes it feel like you’re the only two people on the planet.

But having somebody this way isn’t the same as wanting to be with them for the rest of your life.

When Intimacy is over and both parties are satisfied, that is not the same as knowing you’re with somebody whose words match with their feelings. Narcissists love being intimate because it is known as an ‘act of love.’

But it doesn’t have to be love. 

2. Expensive Dinners

Heading to a five-star restaurant for a meal after you’ve waited six weeks for an available reservation is not love.

Narcissists think it is because they have the emotional depth of a puddle and assume something so expensive should constitute feelings.

It doesn’t.

Those who get caught up with a narcissist will love it, though, as the overwhelm of being treated to such a high-end meal will make them feel forever grateful.

That’s why so many victims get caught up with narcissists in the first place –

Victims come from an environment where any kind of attention or affection was severely overdue and needed.

They had to work to earn love; any small fragment of it would have been the validation they needed to feel loveable. 

3. Lavish Vacations

Usually what accompanies lavish vacations is the photos that would be splashed all over social media. Now, look at it like this:

Narcissists want to find an excuse to show off. If it happens to be a lavish vacation, they aren’t going to want to go alone because that would look pathetic.

Instead, they drag you along to look to others like they’ve got the perfect relationship. They only want to impress with status. 

You are being used on this holiday, and the narcissist knows that’s your only job.

This is not out of love. 

4. “Look What I Provide!”

Show of hands for how many of you have heard the narcissist say this?!

Of course I love you. I wouldn’t be out working hard to provide you with the perfect house and everything that goes with it, would I?!

And so what happens? Victims of narcissistic abuse assume that love is akin to providing.

In healthy relationships, that would never be used as a reason to show love, and it certainly wouldn’t be used to make the other person feel bad.

Look at everything I do for you, why aren’t you grateful?!

Honestly, statements like this only induce feelings of guilt within victims. What almost always happens is unnecessary apologies.

5. Dirty Cash

Money is where the narcissist loves to show themselves the most!

Love isn’t money though, but you try telling that to them. As far as they’re concerned, giving you money to treat yourself to that new jacket or pair of shoes is their way of saying, “I love you, see?”

Money is easy. It’s the currency of narcissism, because it stands for status.

Time and honesty and patience and respect is not (according to the narcissist!)

6. Constantly Texting or Calling

You can’t even get a few hours to yourself without being bombarded by the narcissist’s contact.

They think they’re showing you how much they care, but in reality they’re ensuring that wherever you are, you don’t forget about them.

It derives from a deep insecurity they have that, quite frankly, is not your problem. 

However – the texts and calls will be the pure art of love-bombing in real time!

7. Saying It!

I love you.

Love you, have a good day.

Love you, night.

See how it can just roll off the tongue?

It’s rather incredible to me how narcissists can say it yet act an entirely different way to everybody else. 

Victims, though, are often looking for anything to understand that they are lovable. They probably spent years, perhaps all their lives, not believing this about themselves. 

So of course – the words are easy for the narcissist!

8. Fake Security

The security of having a roof over your head means nothing all the while the abuse is wide awake underneath it. 

It’s all fake. The feeling that they’re protecting you or keeping you away from danger that doesn’t even exist will leave you feeling crippled and solely reliant on them.

You won’t want to branch out into the real world because their security feels like cast iron around your heart

Well, if that’s the case, no love can get in or out.

Something to think about. 

9. Breadcrumbing

Any tiny display of affection will come from the narcissist when they know they need to gain you back. 

Usually, breadcrumbing comes after a time of discard where you feel lost and unappreciated.

Breadcrumbing can be as small as a compliment, or making you a round of toast as they make theirs. 

It’s tiny, but it works when the other person’s expectations have become so low that literally ‘anything will do.’

10. Mirroring

Mirroring isn’t talked about enough, but it’s how narcissists make you feel like you just ‘click,’ and that they ‘get’ you.

Finishing sentences, copying you when you brush hair from your face, or simply telling you things like, ‘This exact thing happened to me, too,’ or, ‘I feel the same way as you.’

You don’t click, and you haven’t got everything in common, so try avoiding hearing, ‘It’s the same for me,’ as a way they love you and feel lucky to know you.

It’s just a ploy for you to form an attachment to them.

Same old tricks!

You’re Shocked to See Where Narcissists Really End Up!

Narcissists just seem to annoyingly have it all, don’t they? 

You might think to yourself, “How do they get away with so much?”

Well, honestly, it’s because they’re experts at playing the game they wrote.

It can all change though, dear reader. And indeed – it does.

Where the narcissist ends up is going to shock you, and make you realize just how one moment can alter everything.

Narcissists: The Perfect Life

It’s the perfect painted picture, isn’t it? Narcissists want to be perfect, and they try very hard to ensure that image is kept up, no matter what.

They will make out like nothing is their fault. They want to be hard workers, so people know just how seriously they take their responsibilities.

They love to honor themselves by providing the best material goods you can think of. They want that nice car, big house, fancy clothes, and the latest phone.

On paper, they have it all. They project the perfect life to the world, so that world sees them as perfect. 

What Do You Think?

Of course, we know they aren’t perfect – far from it, in fact!

There’s a part of some people who are really familiar with narcissists who know the trajectory ahead.

Before I get to that point though, I want you to think of one narcissist that you know. They might be a family member, a friend, somebody you work with, or even your spouse. 

Once you have them locked firmly in your mind, I want you to think about how they are right now.

Are they more impossible than usual? Maybe they have a past of always getting what they want, and just being extremely lucky. 

They have good health. They have great contacts. They live in a nice house that you wish you owned. They don’t seem to rattle many cages, and they’re well respected both personally and professionally. 

It’s all unfair, isn’t it? Especially when you know who they really are.

Without You..

This is the worst part – the part you know and are familiar with…

…Narcissists are nothing without you. They build their entire egotistical empire on making you feel the worst you’ve ever felt, and that’s what causes them to exceed even their own expectations.

But as soon as you throw a spanner in the works – as soon as the dynamics shift in any way, the narcissist’s mask and character begin to crumble.

They realize they cannot function without knowing they can openly abuse you at any moment.

They want it to continue for as long as possible, but they know it can’t because you’ve gone, left, or figured out who they are.

You’ve discovered the truth. 

And That Is Why They Need You

They can’t play their game unless you sign up for it, and when you walk away, the game is officially over. 

You have to remember this, friends, because it’s what is going to get you through your worst days with the narcissist:

They truly need you more than you need them.

You’ve been programmed to believe you need them and cannot survive without them, but that simply isn’t the case. 

The reality is that they can only do what they do because they have an open door to it.

When you shut that door, everything changes.

The Downfall

The downfall is almost immediate but not necessarily obvious to all. 

You’ll notice a withdrawal. The narcissist is temporarily at a loss. Yes, they can move onto their next victim, but what if they have run out of people to manipulate? 

What if there is no charm left in their charm bucket?

It’s easy to notice narcissists look lost when they don’t know how to operate the people around them to their advantage. 

They’ve used up all their options, and now it’s time to watch the demise. 

…Even The Deterioration!

I have had conversations in the past with people I’ve met or know about their narcissistic parent. 

When they were younger, the parent thrived knowing they could power play their children and spouse.

Work was busy and they were always trying to produce ways to make everybody around them feel small.

As they aged, so did their character.

It became harder to manipulate children who were suddenly adults, with more power to hold a thought, opinion, or goal they wanted to achieve. 

They feel lost, and try to claw control wherever they can. Often that can look like lashing out, or trying to triangulate wherever possible.

They play on their age, with phrases like:

I used to be so much fitter than I am now.

I’m getting older. Nobody understands or sees me.

I’m poorly. Nobody helps me.

I wish I could turn the clock back.

It’s really as if they’re playing their own sad violin song, isn’t it? You almost want to roll your eyes because you know they’re playing on their age.

Aging is actually a privilege not everybody gets to experience, and that’s something worth remembering. 

The problem with narcissists is how they use their age like it’s some kind of mental incapacitation. 

They’re still very able to be narcissists. 

They just fool less people.

Going Nowhere: Fast

The narcissist is declining! 

It’s fast-moving – and I have to say that if you think it’s enjoyable – you wouldn’t be the first person with that opinion. 

Finally, the day comes when not everything goes their way. 

People get fed up with them blowing hot and cold.

There’s a shift in how they feel they deserve to be treated.

They understand the correlation between feeling negative and being around the narcissist.

They start to want to achieve goals for themselves and understand the narcissist is the one who holds them back.

Life starts wanting to be lived, and all the while those people are growing into theirs, the narcissists are shrinking.

Narcissistic abuse is only possible when you consciously or subconsciously give yourself up to the narcissist. 

If you start to put yourself first, the narcissist has no choice. 

And no – they don’t like it – but guess what…

…It’s not up to them.

There’s Never a Happy Ending

When it comes to narcissists, they never have a happy ending. They are infamous for becoming more and more impossible in older age.

Their stubbornness becomes almost petulant. 

They crave being able to control the people they once did.

Their grudges are bigger than ever. 

They understand that they are not the person they once were.

Narcissists end up miserable, sad and lonely. They always were, but these emotions become more prominent as they age. 

They never start caring, nor do they regret how they have acted.

It would be your mistake to assume they ever will, or do.

How Do Narcissists Manipulate Their Partners?

Narcissists are happiest when they have a partner they can twist, manipulate and control.

They love to be part of something where everybody else is smaller and less powerful than they are. Their lives then have meaning, just as they feel they should every day.

There are specific ways a narcissist will manipulate their partners, though. As troubling as it may sound, these are textbook ways – and that’s where you need to pay close attention.

If this sounds like your situation, that’s because it likely is.

“My Reality is Fact!”

The reality is that you’re being manipulated by someone who has had much practice. They’ve been exactly where they are now, except with different victims. 

“You’re Nothing!”

Being told how worthless you are does a few things.

For the narcissist, it brings them to a new level of control and manipulation. If you hear something enough times, you will start to believe it. 

You believe it even more when you’re treated that way alongside those words. 

It’s all a tactic, created to destroy your hopes and dreams, your identity, and how you carry yourself each day. 

Where you once stood tall, you now slouch and try to be invisible.

That’s exactly how the narcissist wants you. 

“It’s Your Fault, Not Mine!”

Narcissists project to get whatever they’ve done wrong out of the light. They don’t want their faults or inappropriate actions to be spotted, and so they throw you out there instead.

So everybody looks at you. The narcissist looks at you as if they feel let down by you. 

And you feel that shame, because you take it on. And you take it on because they’ve pushed it so far into you that you have no choice. 

This design is set up to get them off the hook.

Thank God you are there for them to treat you this way – without you – they just might look like the bad guy.

Phew for them!

“…”

That’s right, the good old silent treatment. The way narcissists do this is by completely shutting down and ignoring you. 

If you’ve experienced it, I don’t need to tell you how uncomfortable it is. It induces panic, fear and worry, and like all things narcissists do, it is unnecessary. 

The silent treatment acts to give you nothing at all, so it’s easy for the narcissist to say, “Well, I didn’t say anything horrible. I wasn’t mean,” Then make excuses for them being quiet. 

When you’ve been given the silent treatment, you are left to your own insecure devices.

What did I do wrong?

How can I fix this?

What can I do to make them happy?

I must be a terrible person.

What’s going to happen next?

Do you need this?

No.

Yet they make it so prevalent in your world. 

It isn’t fair. 

“I Must Cause Fallout”

 What is life without a little drama? Actually, it’s quite nice. But then again, I’m speaking as an emotionally healthy person, and not a narcissist. 

The idea that drama is of such greedy interest to the narcissist is one that never fails to shock me. Why would anybody want to be in the middle of so much negativity?

Narcissists do. As people and emotions explode around them, they can act and do what they like and not be seen to be doing anything wrong at all.

Be careful here – narcissists want to pull strings to see a certain dynamic. 

If you’re a part of that, you will suffer. 

“Poor Me…”

The victim mentality of a narcissist can stop the most believing people in their tracks.

It’s all been too much for me.

I try my best.

I don’t know what I do wrong to upset people. 

I wish people would understand me.

These phrases tug at the heartstrings of those who want to give them the benefit of the doubt, and sadly – yes – it works. 

Narcissists always want to look as though they’re being wronged.

This injects:

• Guilt
• Shame
• Self-blame
• Self-loathing
• Insecurity
• Worry
• Anxiety
• Depression

In their partners, and they know this. 

They just don’t care.  

“Bringing You Back, Get Ready!”

Let’s take you back to a time where we were so in love, and everything was perfect!

We are so great, you and me. It was us against the world!

Think about all that passion we had. You’re never going to be able to find that anywhere else.

Oh, the manipulation game is strong with these kinds of phrases. They love getting you at your most vulnerable, reflecting on the distorted nostalgia between you.

It’s enough to make you paint over all the cracks in between, isn’t it? And there were a lot of those. 

What’s manipulative about this is the narcissist’s attempt to invite you to ignore their abuse, and only focus on the good (which was likely to have felt magical!) 

Don’t get sucked into this black hole.

“I Will Tell Everybody!”

Uh-oh. What’s that supposed to mean?

I think you and I both know this is not going to end well with you,

Narcissists will tell whoever listens what a horrible person you are and how you wronged them. They may stretch as far as saying that you are the cheater, you hurt them, you spread lies about them and you’re the manipulative one. 

It’s frustrating for victims, but beyond that, it’s absolutely destructive. 

Suddenly, your reputation is in tatters. It’s all based on the false word of the narcissist, who, by the way, is likely loving seeing your house of bricks fall down while their house of cards remains. 

“Nice, But Not!”

You go out, they act like the perfect partner.

You get home, and they ignore you.

You did this wrong, you did that wrong, you didn’t pay them enough attention, you flirted with that person.

Whatever it is, the charm will switch off. The mask will inevitably slip.

This is where the narcissist has learned not just to manipulate you but also to manipulate everybody else, too. They all think, “What a nice person. They’re such a good couple.”

Also the best one, 

“You’re so lucky to have them as your partner!”

Oh boy, if only they knew the truth, right? 

The truth is, you aren’t lucky. The narcissist is just very clever. They know buttons to press, when to press them, who to press them with, and they are always ready for it. 

You on the other hand then find it even more difficult to convince people of the truth.